DS didn't receive a gift from my sister =(

jessamommy2

My sister who is my 3yr old DS godmother and her husband didnt get my son a birthday gift. We just moved out of state and she will be coming to visit and says ohh I will get him a card. She was always the one to buy him a gift every year and at Christmas time. She lost her job 18 months ago and her hubbie is unemployed as well. they both get unemployment. But the thing is.. they just bought an ipad like 5 months ago. they buy birthday gifts for her husbands sister who is a teen and she even told me that her and her husband were thinking of going to cedar point in a few wks. She could of even have gotten him a 10 dollar gift and she is acting like this. Every year she gave him something even last yr when she was unemployed. Its just cruel and she acts like she doesnt give a damn about him anymore. I always buy her daughter a bday gift and would never think of not giving her something. What should i tell her? That she has enough money to do other things but not get something for her sweet nephew? sorry this is just p***ing me off! sorry don't mean to sound like a B but even though she is unemployed they still spend money stupidly and cant even get him something! even at Christmas time.. they act like they are broke. but they buy all sorts of gifts for her husbands side of the family and dont even give a damn about us anymore like we dont mean anything!!

j&jp

I know you are upset right not, but honestly I think you need to calm down before you talk to your sister and not say anything to her about it.  Is it crappy that she didn't get her nephew (and godson) a present? Absolutely.  Should she be spending all that money on frivolous things right now if she and her husband are unemployed - absolutely not!  But if you bring up that she should have spent money on your son, IMO, that makes you look like the material one.  I completely understand that its not about the money - its about showing thought - my MIL did not get anything for my DD her second Christmas.  She is also very money strapped and buys her things for other holidays but somehow there was not something for Christmas.  I was po-ed as well.  Thats why I say I really do understand but I didn't say a word about it cause I felt that would have been tacky.

My DD didn't know the difference last Christmas.  If your DS is old enough to understand, maybe this is a good time to teach him about materialism, bc he shouldn't be "expecting" gifts from anyone.

GL.

franciscaz

The funny thing about gifts is that they are gifts meaning no one has the right to expect one.  If I were in your shoes though I would take the high road and forget about it!  Maybe one day you could casually ask why but I wouldn't go on making a huge deal about it.  

I am thinking that the fact that she is coming out there might be the money that she has budgeted and considers that gift enough.  My sister (with whom I am very close with and is always spoiling my kids) did that this past month for my twin's 2 yr party.  She is between gigs and I was just grateful how much of a sacrifice she made to come out here.

TinyPinkBug

Is it possible she is bringing a gift with her to give to him in person?  I understand how you are feeling.  My BIL and his wife life 4 hrs away, on my 2 yr old's birthday they came to town but went to a family picnic for BIL's wife's family instead of attending my 2 yr old's birthday party.  They did visit us the day before and didn't bring a gift, and they have money so that isn't an issue.  Then 3 weeks later came to town again for BIL's wife's nephew's 2nd birthday, but didn't call or visit that time ( saw pics on her FB page to know they were there).  I felt very hurt that obviously my kids are not important to them, but I got over it.  I have made a note to ALWAYS be sure I get their twins gifts no matter what, to be the bigger person, (they didn't get my kids x-mas gifts either).  Then I took the bins of kids' clothing and stuff I had been setting aside for them and donated it to flood victums where it will be much more appreciated.

angelakh

franciscaz:

The funny thing about gifts is that they are gifts meaning no one has the right to expect one. 

This.  

I know your feelings are hurt, but I think you have to be the bigger person here.  I think gifts should be given because the giver wants to give them, not because they feel obligated.  I would hate to think that people were only giving DD gifts because they felt obligated or guilty.

Also, unless they are asking you for money or otherwise taking advantage of your family, then how they spend their money in really none of your business.  I have similar situations in my own family and now I don't expect anything from them.  I know where their priorities are and it makes my life much less stressful and drama filled when I don't expect them to change their ways. I would accept it for what it is and not let it make you bitter, mad, resentful, etc.

HarrietNJMommy

franciscaz:

The funny thing about gifts is that they are gifts meaning no one has the right to expect one.  

This. Her finances and how she spends them, are none of your business.

I would let it go. 

cecee36

HarrietNJMommy:

franciscaz:

The funny thing about gifts is that they are gifts meaning no one has the right to expect one.  

This. Her finances and how she spends them, are none of your business.

I would let it go. 

This exactly!  Being out of work isn't fun for anyone and the circumstances surrounding she and her husband being able to buy gifts for other family members could be because they had the extra money to spend at the time or maybe they bought gifts before losing their jobs.  Regardless, being upset because your son didn't get a gift isn't really a valid reason to being angry, in my opinion; sounds like something else may be going on.  The most important thing is to be thankful and grateful that your son is blessed with wonderful parents, good health and family who love him enough to make a special trip to visit, despite being unemployed and tight on funds.   

ArcticFox

I wouldn't say anything, but that's just me.

My FIL is just like that.  It is like pulling teeth trying to get him to visit or do anything quality with the kids.  For every holiday, we invite him over, and he's like, oh I'll see.  Like seriously?  For Christmas, he can't just give us a yes or no answer?  So we started making plans with other people (like going away for the holidays and so on).  My feeling is, you snooze you lose.  My aunt told me that when the kids get older, they catch on so fast about who is important in their life.  They aren't going to sit around waiting for grandpa, they are going to be off playing with friends or family who are around and have earned that special place in our lives.

At this age, the kids definitely don't know, but it is about the thought.  My FIL came to my DD's bday last year - 2 HOURS LATE - no gift - not even a card.  Dude, go to CVS on the way here and spend 99cents.  It really isn't about spending the $, it is the thought and effort.  He came by 2 hours late, scarfed down food and cake (it was pretty much all gone except for a couple pieces), and was out the door as fast as he came, because the kids melted down (the party was over by that point).

I try to remind myself that it is his loss.. so ultimately it is your sister's loss.  Did you choose them to be guardians of your kids if anything happens to you?  That would bother me even more..

n&bcarlson

I'm sorry it hurts your feelings, but there's really no good way to demand a gift.  You really can't judge their finances by what you think they are spending money on.  She's spending money to come see you.  To me, that says she cares a lot more than $10 to spend on a toy.  And your 3 year old really doesn't care at this stage in his life.

outnumbered

 Its just cruel...

Cruel??  It is not cruel to forgo a gift.  She is spending her time and money to come visit you and your family.  Would it better for her to cancel that visit and go buy that crappy $10 gift?  

outnumbered

ArcticFox:

.. so ultimately it is your sister's loss.  Did you choose them to be guardians of your kids if anything happens to you?  That would bother me even more..

Her sister is coming to visit.  That is more precious than a gift.  Her sister is not losing out and neither is the three year old.   Playing with her nephew is a much better gift than an object that will be forgotten in the next few years.  Doubting guardianship choices for failing to buy a present is silly.

shannm

Frankly, I think you are completely overreacting.  She probably forgot.  No big deal.