I must be strong...

RomeRomance06

We Ferbered a couple weekends ago and it's been going very well as in, she's basically been STTN since we started. She's waking up a couple times a week around 5:30-6am for a feeding but goes back down until at least 7am so I'm fine with that. Anyway, the part that is so hard right now is the crying when we put her down for the night. The bedtime routine is always great. Feeding, story, songs... she loves it. DH or I put her in her sleepsack, lay her down, tell her we love her, put on her sound machine and as soon as we leave the room, screaming. It only lasts for a few minutes and then she's out, but it kills me. Sometimes she starts the minute we put her down in the crib.

 I know she's just crying because she loves spending time with us and wants us to stay with her, but that's what makes it so hard! I know I'm lucky it's just a few minutes of crying but it just breaks my heart after such a nice time together that she feels abandoned. I've tried staying in the room with her after we put her in the crib to soothe her but she just cries harder. The process goes faster when we leave the room. A couple times I've gone back in because I thought something was wrong but she screams harder unless I pick her up and then she just smiles and hugs me. Is she manipulating me? Can they do that at this age?

Mrs.Handy

I know exactly how you feel.

It sucks to have such a lovely evening routine ruined by screaming and crying.

It still bugs me if he starts crying. I thought it would never get better. But it did eventually. Now he fusses for a few seconds and then he just rolls around.

Stay strong. The more times you pick them up, the more they think that crying is an effective method to get your attention.

tracy042206

We have gone through screaming crying stages at bedtime.  It does suck but if they only get more agitated when you go back in (mine do too) then you really don't have many options - they NEED to sleep.  I will say that I rocked them to sleep as long they would let me, but they were great about putting themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night if they were not hungry.  For us it was just a stage and eventually they stop crying at bedtime (until the next random stage).

RomeRomance06

tracy042206:

We have gone through screaming crying stages at bedtime.  It does suck but if they only get more agitated when you go back in (mine do too) then you really don't have many options - they NEED to sleep.  I will say that I rocked them to sleep as long they would let me, but they were great about putting themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night if they were not hungry.  For us it was just a stage and eventually they stop crying at bedtime (until the next random stage).

How long did you rock them before they fell asleep, usually? DD has never been much for being rocked to sleep but I try to hold her and rock her a bit with the lights off before I put her down so she's more drowsy but it rarely works. I swear I think she knows that if she acts sleepy we'll put her in the crib because she appears wide awake. But she falls asleep fairly quickly after a few minutes of crying...

QueSrah

In our house, sobbing at bedtime generally means DD is getting to bed too late.  (When it becomes a regular pattern (and not just being too tired after a busy day), we try to move her bedtime even 10 minutes earlier and catch her before she hits that overtired phase.  It usually works like magic for us.  Might be worth a try if you haven't tried it already, since she's falling asleep so fast after crying.

WinesNot Whines

I don't know if manipulating is the right word. She wants you to pick her up, and she knows you are more likely to do that if she cries. She's figured out the cause/effect relationship of crying and being picked up.

Have you tried laying her down in the crib and then keeping your hands on her, kind of like you're "holding" her while she's in the crib? We did with M for a while. But what works for one kid doesn't necessarily work for another. If she cries harder when you stay in the room with her, then it may be easier (for both of you) if you leave quickly. The ultimate goal is to get her to fall asleep on her own without crying, but it's ok if it takes you many little transition steps to get there.

tracy042206

Molly started falling asleep on her own at about 6 mo, but that was mainly a logistics issue of trying to put them both to bed at the same time and Molly having to cry a little - then when I came back to her she would be asleep already.  Although for her she will still like me to rock her and fall asleep on my shoulder if I have to change her diaper or give her medicine in the middle of the night.

Maggie I rocked to sleep until 9mo when she was just too mobile to fall asleep like that anymore.  She wanted to crawl up on me and just laugh and have fun.  That was when we had to do CIO to fall asleep - the first 2 nights were rough but it worked well.  However up until that point she was definitely one who fell asleep when rocked - some babies are but some don;t like it.

If it is only a few minutes I would give it a few weeks to see if she works it out on her own.  My normal threshold when the kids were younger was about 20 min of crying before I went to see if anything was wrong that they hadn;t settled themselves down yet.  This just takes time to get to know your kid and what is best.  Just like learning that going in and leaving again just makes it worse not better.  I shuffer to think about CIO method where you go back in every few minutes and pat their back - that sounds like a nightmare with my kids but for others it works great.

Sofka

she is sort of manipulating you,don't go back in

I have to say that DS, at almost 16mo old, still screams. I rock him and sing to him and then put him down but 9 out of 10 times he starts screaming. It's horrible. He is a screamer, he screams for every little thing. He doesn't cry much, he just screams.

be strong!

mssaint

When we ferbered LO, I counted it as an awesome success when we got to the point where we'd put him down awake at bedtime and he'd cry for 2 minutes and then fall asleep until morning. I think some kids need to cry to process their days and downshift for sleeping, too. LO really doesn't cry very often anymore, so I don't get too bothered if he cries for a couple of minutes before bed. 

Of course, we have to start over again because he had a cold last week and hasn't slept for longer than 2 or 3 hours since and we've been rocking to sleep. That should be fun. 

RomeRomance06

Thanks you guys. Seriously. And thank you for not telling me I'm a terrible mother for letting her cry because I probably would believe you! It's almost harder now because I know she can soothe herself to sleep, therefore she's crying because she WANTS me. But even when I do pick her up she doesn't fall asleep in my arms so I know picking her up is not the best thing for her. She needs her sleep. She just misses me... DH has been the strong one during this process. I don't know what I would've done without him.