Opinions Please

SBattert

My husband has kind of a strange relationship with his dad.  His brother and his dad are super close and my husband always feels a little left out and judged most of the time.  Communication is neither of their strong points. 

His Dad has been dating a woman for about 6 months now and we've met her about 5 times.  We've been invited to her house once and met her family and we've had her over to our house 3 times.  I went ahead and invited her to my baby shower because I like her and didn't want her to feel left out.  This afternoon, FIL texted hubs saying that we NEED to invite his girlfriend's daughter (who is a grown 40 year old woman that we've, again, only met once) to the shower.  The only problems I have with this are that I don't feel like he should be able to dictate who I invite since he's not throwing the shower.  The invitations have obviously already gone out and I don't feel great about asking my hostesses to send out another which was not on my list.  And, if I was invited to someone's shower, who I'd only met once, I'd think it was a little strange. 

I can understand that his GF may feel uncomfortable not knowing many people at the shower, but she's a 60 year old woman, for heaven's sake, and has met 2 of hub's aunts, 2 of my aunts, my mom, hub's grandma and our SIL at various events.  I've been to showers where I've known no one but the guest of honor.  Hubs is planning on having a conversation with FIL to sort this out and we'll most likely invite her so that we don't cause any problems, but I was wondering what you all thought and how you would handle this situation, if you were in my shoes.  I don't want to cause any problems, but I don't really want to look like an unorganized, afterthought weirdo, either.

JMack1117

Its one more person...its not worth having drama over.  Call your hostess and asks if she minds sending one more out--I guarantee she'll be ok with it. 

rhubarb123

I agree with JMack...although I think it is ridiculous since your FIL's girlfriend does know other people.  Does she maybe not drive?  Or doesn't drive at night (if you shower is at night)?  Or doesn't know the area?  I'm grasping at straws here but maybe she expressed an interest to your FIl that she would love to attend.  Who knows.  I think you've basically made up your mind to invite her anyway...but I do think it is silly that you "have" to in order to keep the peace.

lisa5201

I think it's weird that it was dictated to you, and think it should have been handled better (nice phone call, asking if you'd mind), but I would absolutely invite her.

I've been to a co-worker's shower where I didn't really know anyone, and that was no big deal, but can you imagine walking into a room full of your boyfriends family who you barely know? I can see how it would be intimidating. Will DH's mom be there? Or any of her family? Even if they have a good relationship that is scary for the new girlfriend. If bringing her daughter will make her feel more comfortable, I think it would be pretty petty not to invite her, unless there is a serious cost or space restriction.

If you like the lady, throw her a bone, let her bring her daughter. I'm sure she'll get you a nice enough gift and everyone will be happy.

SBattert

To answer some of your questions, she does drive, is from the area and DH's mom passed away nearly 4 years ago. 

DH called FIL.  Before DH could say or ask anything FIL said "Oh your calling because you don't have her address.  I don't have it either."  Nice.  DH said "yes, we'll need her address but does she know that she's being invited?"  FIL said no GF and I discussed it that's just how we feel. She should be invited. (What the hell does that mean?!! You are certainly not the king of ettiquette after we got a call Labor Day 2010 asking to bail you out of jail for battery of your ex-GF)  That comment really pissed me off. 

DH's family didn't offer to throw or help with my bridal shower or this one.  As far as I'm concerned, it's extremely nice that my family and friends even are including them and incurring the additional costs involved in inviting 15 additional people.  If he'd asked if we could invite her, I'd totally be ok.  But a text stating we NEED to invite suggests that we did something wrong by not having her on the original list and that we have no say in a shower they aren't even involved with.  DH explained to him that we don't want the daughter to think it's weird or that we are inviting her because we want a gift.  FIL had no comment on that but relayed every single word to GF after DH said it, which was super annoying.  He agreed to text the address to us, and I plan to send an invite, but depending on my hormonal roller coaster, her invite may just get lost in the mail.  

klreese0213

i agree that it is just one more invite... however, i would be VERY annoyed as well.

as you said.. her invite could get lost in mail... or because of FIL's *late* demand... perhaps it went out late and she may or may not have gotten the invite in time for the shower hehe lol - my hormones agree with yours!

EastCoastBride

With your update, I'm more on the side of not inviting her. There is no "should" here. You don't know her and don't want to invite her. I don't blame you if you do play nice and invite her, but it would be coupled w a strong message to FIL that you don't feel it's appropriate.