As a SP would you be willing to ...

HisChamaoleGirl

...agree on a CS amount with BF instead of going through the court system?

DH and BM have been in and out of court for years and a set amount has not been established bc BM either says its too low or DH income changed due to deployments/moving. He has been paying the amount specified in their seperation agreement from years ago ($700).

If your XH/XSO offered an amount would you take it outside of court? For example based on income the CS obligation is $917.  If you were offered $500 every other week would you take it (bringing the total to $1000/month).

We are just so tired of being in and out of court and want something finalized. Do you think this is reasonable to suggest to BM or should we just stick with the court?

katie_cj

I would yes, under certain conditions. As long as it was fairly calculated, that it was in writing, and that my ex had a history of paying CS on time each and every time.

Then yes. I would avoid the courts and agree to an amount.

HisChamaoleGirl

beccaga16:

Please check your state laws. Look for a legal aid or other place where you can ask free legal advice. You may agree to an amount outside of court, but find out later on down the road that the courts do not allow this type of arrangement.

There was a woman on my birth month board who's H had a great relationship with his ex (mother of his first child) and they had this type of arrangement. They found out years later that since he was not paying through CSEA his payments did not count. The ex spoke on his behalf in court and present reciepts they had been keeping... no dice! He was slammed with about 15,000 in arrears.

In general it is safer to go through court. You may be able to agree on an amount that is lower than the CSEA amount and have a lawyer draft some paperwork. (again check your state laws)

I meant that they come to an agreement and then it gets filed with the court. I wouldnt think of doing it any other way. I just dont want to do the hearing on this date and then come back next month routine that has been happening for the last 5 years.

I spoke to DH lawyer today and he said if they can come to an agreement he will draft the paperwork and file it with the courts. I am hoping what DH came up with will be agreeable with BM.

peeps61308

If you can print out the support calculator worksheet and show her how it is worked out and that it is a fair amount, I don't see why she wouldn't agree to it. I would have been over the moon happy if DB would have agreed to pay me a fair amount without having to go to court.

Good Luck! 

HisChamaoleGirl

[email protected]:

I would yes, under certain conditions. As long as it was fairly calculated, that it was in writing, and that my ex had a history of paying CS on time each and every time.

Then yes. I would avoid the courts and agree to an amount.

HisChamaoleGirl

peeps61308:

If you can print out the support calculator worksheet and show her how it is worked out and that it is a fair amount, I don't see why she wouldn't agree to it. I would have been over the moon happy if DB would have agreed to pay me a fair amount without having to go to court.

Good Luck! 

 

Printing it out is exactly what I am doing.

I am hoping she will just agree to it because if we have to go to court by the time we get a court date DH and I will be moving (military) and our income will make an adjustment and things will be on "pause" again.

HisChamaoleGirl

tifanico:

I would AGREE to an amount outside of the court but I would file it for it to be enforceable. Those are two different matters. 

From what Im getting from this post I would never think on doing something like that. What happens if she says you are not paying CS?

In several states, paying outside of court means that its a gift and might not count towards your CS obligation.

Check with a lawyer.  

For clarification I meant that DH & BM agree on an amount and then it gets filed with the courts to be enforceable. I am thinking that his last years of payments always being ontime should be enough to show her that he will contintue to make ontime payments and the added fact of it being filed with the courts makes it better.

TurtleGirl3-4

My EX and I did that. During our divorce hearing, EX was caught in quite a few lies and ended up being ordered to pay twice as much CS as I asked for in mediation. he appealed that decision and rather than paying out the nose for more attorneys fee's I got him on the phone and we hammered out our own deal (which ended up being just a hair higher than what I asked for in mediation). I have no doubts the judges decision would have been uphelp but in the long run it was more cost effective (both financially and in regards to our "relationship" together as parents) to work it out on our own.

My Attorney drew up an amended agreement and filed it with the court and that was it. He does pay through CSE though.

HisChamaoleGirl

TurtleGirl3-4:

My EX and I did that. During our divorce hearing, EX was caught in quite a few lies and ended up being ordered to pay twice as much CS as I asked for in mediation. he appealed that decision and rather than paying out the nose for more attorneys fee's I got him on the phone and we hammered out our own deal (which ended up being just a hair higher than what I asked for in mediation). I have no doubts the judges decision would have been uphelp but in the long run it was more cost effective (both financially and in regards to our "relationship" together as parents) to work it out on our own.

My Attorney drew up an amended agreement and filed it with the court and that was it. He does pay through CSE though.

I asked her why she didnt file through the actual CS Division and decided to do the lawyer route and she said it was bc she wanted the CS to go directly into her bank account instead of waiting the 3 days or so it takes to transfer funds. I am hoping that us coming up with something outside of court and her getting the direct deposit will be enough to motivate her to settle outside.