Don't know what to do
This is my first time posting here. I recently decided to get a divorce, I posted on the 3-6 boards about finding H talking to other women online. Now i find out he is irl. I really don't know what to do, this relashonship has been dragging on for a long time, and i am finally at my wits end emotionally. I have gone back in forth about staying with him for awhile now, but i believe my excuses and reasons are not good enough. I am a stay at home mom, have no income and not much family. So this is where my dilemma is, Ofcourse i would need to get a job, apartment etc.
What next? How do you do it alone? I honestly can't stand the thought of being alone, but i can't stand the thought of being with him because i depend on him and that being the only reason doesnt sit right with me. I do love him, but it's been so much heartache i wonder do i really love him? Or am i comfortable with him? This cheating has now set it in stone, really im upset but not as much as i thought i would be. I am more upset about doing it alone. I do not have a 'go-getter" personality as i used to. So i also wonder how it will be will i just sit at home and sulk? Or will i actually move forward?
Really, there's just so many questions, I guess my real question is how do you do it alone? How do you move forward and believe things will be better? At this point i just am scared. Any help or any input, I really don't even know what im expecting to hear, i guess i just want to someone to listen as i dont have many people to talk to. Thanks
Re: Don't know what to do
DTMFA=ditch the mutha fvcking assshole
Look at your Daughter. Look into her eyes and tell her what she should do if she came to you crying that some idiot broke her heart, smashed her dreams and totally threw away their life together for some piece on the side.
Now, why do you deserve any less than what you would tell your daughter?
You aren't alone.
Right now list starting with your Daughter who in this world Loves you. You list everyone, family, friends, co workers, who loves you? I'm sure that list is longer than you think it is.
Now go get a lawyer, find out what your rights are in your state, DONT SIGN ANYTHING your soon to be ex asks you to sign. Do not leave that house until you know for sure that you aren't abandoning your rights to it.
File for Child Support and Spousal Support. It was part of your "marriage contract" that you are a SAHM you may be entitled to compensation to remain mostly SAH, and if not, he will be required to pay a portion on daycare expenses.
Do not figure out visitation on your own, your LO is too young, let a lawyer tell you what your rights are and if there are state guidelines for your LOs age.
You'll be fine, because your someone's mother and you'll figure it out b/c you have to.
For me it came down to loving myself enough to walk away not not let him hurt me anymore. It's hard because I still love the person I THOUGHT he was. I obviously don't love the person he turned out to be.
There's a phrase for what you have to do, "When you're going through hell, keep on going." Sometimes you need to make your feet carry you as fast as possible away from the situation and then sort out the wreckage later.
And don't worry about not being able to move forward. Once you realize that your child now depends solely on you and you have the ability to still give her a good life it will motivate you more than anything else. And you'll be PROUD that you did it on your own. It just takes time, as all things do.
Def ditch him. Once a cheater, always a cheater, ya know? I'm in the same boat as you, except I didn't leave the first, second, third, fourth time...I made the mistake of staying with him when he "promised it would never happen again." I tried hard to make it work, but our relationship was never the same. I never trusted him. I drove myself crazy seeing who he was talking to online, or texting, or calling. The evidence was right there in cold concrete several times, but he always rationalized it with "well I was drinking a lot." You are making such a good decision and I know it sucks now, but you won't regret it in the long run. You (and I) deserve men who will give us 100% of themselves, not spread themselves all over.
Let me know if you want to talk. I'm still trying to figure things out over here, too.
BTW, are you pregnant or is baby already here?
It isn't wasy. You may have some days where you sit around and sulk, but they will become fewer and fewer. You will pick yourself up and move forward. Why? Because it is the ONLY option you have!! Everntually you will be proud of how far you have come and what you have accomplished. Don't stay with a cheater just because it is comfortable. That is a terrible example for you to show your child (and could endanger your health and what happens if you happen to get pregnant again??)