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D.C. Area Babies
Do you ever have to mediate between your toddler and DH?
Here's an example from last night. DH and DD were sitting side-by-side and playing playdough.
DD: Mommy, will you come play with me?
Me: Yes.
DD: Daddy move away! (asking him to move out of his chair so I could sit there)
Me: DD, that's not a nice way to talk to daddy. Can you say, "Daddy, can you please let mommy sit there?"
DH: (looking at DD) You move out of your chair!
Me: DH! Don't talk like that to her because it teaches her that it's acceptable to treat people that way.
DH: Well, maybe she'll learn a lesson that it's not nice.
I'm thinking to myself, "Really, is it too much to ask to request that you have more maturity than a 2-year old?"
Most of the time DH is really good with her but sometimes it's like his little 2 year old self comes out and he can't help himself. The other night I hear them going back and forth "DD: Mine", "DH: No, mine!"
Sometimes I just have to shake my head and walk away.
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Re: Do you ever have to mediate between your toddler and DH?
More so when they were little. I think lately he has really accepted the chaos a little more. Once when Maggie was still in the high chair she liked to throw food on the floor - especially the double hand swipe to clear the tray. DH told her not to and she looked up at him and did it anyway with a smile on her face. I thought he was going to blow a gasket and I had to stop him from yelling angrily. If she did it at 4yo I could understand but she was like 1yo and was not doing it just to get him angry etc. I told him to calm down and that Maggie and I would clean it up. He apologized and said he was overall in a bad mood and it triggered him.
Sometimes I don't think they understand what to expect at certain ages. But I agree on setting the example of how to handle situations. They definitely pick up on everything we say and do. I never knew how often I said "sure' instead of yes until Maggie said it all the time. We only spent one weekend with BIL and SIL and Maggie said something about getting a spanking to her sister - we do not spank or ever use that word even but BIL often threatens nephew that way. It is amazing what they pick up and how fast.
yes
men can be such babies
yes to this and to the pp re: dads not understanding what to expect at different ages. I swear sometimes DH expects DD#1 (almost 5) to be an adult already...and DD#2 (20 mths) to be able to understand logic as well as her sister...
YES! I am no child psych expert, but I've been around kids much, much more than DH. He takes the jerky 2 year old things that C does soooo personally. Don't get me wrong, I can get pretty mad, but I think I have a better perspective of "This is what two year olds do."
Knock on wood, it hasn't been that bad - mostly because I read the books, give DH the reader's digest version, and he follows my lead. But the other day, DH tossed a couch pillow in jest, and I heard myself screech, "HOW many times a day do I say NO THROWING" at my husband. That was classic.
whew, i thought maybe my DH was the only one with unrealistic expectations....sometimes he'll ask "how soon until DS will stop crying and be able to tell us what he wants?" or my favorite (starting when he was really, really tiny) was "when will he be able to find his own pacifier and put it in himself?" because he was tired of DS waking up because the paci fell out. i think he thinks that if he uses an annoyed tone, DS will know to stop doing the "annoying" behavior (and he used to do this a lot when it was hard to get DS to sleep and he was frustrated by the crying). I let it slide occasionally, but usually call him out on it because I don't want DS to pick up on it. I think it has definitely improved since I've pointed it out.
Yes, this is a big part of it I think. It's like DH thinks she's deliberately and consciously being mean to *him* and he takes it really personally so he has to react whereas I think "She's being a 2 year old and testing her boundaries and I need to model the correct behavior or put her in a time out to let her know that's not acceptable."
He doesn't do it all of the time but when he does, I just feel like throwing up my hands.
all.the.time.
They're both SO STUBBORN!
This is our house too. I've given DH the Readers Digest version of managing behavior, but he doesn't always remember. And he takes it SO personally when I talk to him about how he handles situations. Arrgghhh. I think men are wired differently for nurturing than women are.
I also have a problem with DH saying wildly inappropriate things in front of the kid, because he either (1) doesn't think M understands him (I'm pretty sure he does), or (2) he thinks it's ok because he's being sarcastic. Babies do not understand sarcasm!
uh, no...my H is a paragon of patience (show-off!)
if anything, it's me that could use some mediation with Warner from time to time! of course, I'm home with him all the live long day, so my patience has usually worn pretty thin by dinner time if we're having one of "those" days ;-)
I don't have a toddler yet, but i'm scared for those years already. I don't consider myself a patient person, but I've become a lot more tolerant of screaming/crying/general annoying baby behavior since H was born. (Good thing, since I SAH!)
DH doesn't have as easy a time, and he's always trying use adult logic with her and getting mad when she doesn't respond - "Stop crying! I'm just trying to change your diaper so you're not sitting in poop!" "Move your hands out of the way, stop playing with the spoon so I can put it in your mouth" etc. I'm like, dude she's 9 months old. This is how she is right now, and you need to learn to adjust to it, or at least not get visibly irritated with her.
This is our family, for the most part. Although, I've found that when one of us is having an off day, the other one seems to be having an extra patient day, so it (thankfully) seems to work out well.
DH does habitually ask me questions about whether DS is behaving normally for a 3.5 year old or not. He has no desire to learn about what is or is not typical for kids, so when DS starts testing boundaries in new ways, DH freaks out internally until he asks me about it.
THIS is something that I have a huge problem with with DH. He keeps forgetting how literal kids are at this age, and he'll joke about Mommy being the mean one or say something random and sarcastic and DS will believe him. It drives me up the wall, b/c then I have a 3 year old telling me, "I don't have to listen to you. I only have to listen to Daddy" or something else like that.
THIS. My DH is incredibly patient. I need to take a few lessons from him at times. I'm sure he'd LOVE to know I wrote THAT.
I should clarify that I am not up for "most patient mother of the year" I might have a better handle on the age appropriateness of a behavior, but it doesn't mean I always deal with it well...
Um, yes. I am referee to many a spat between the four year old and DH, and the two year old and DH. Sometimes it's like I have four kids. Seriously.
Ditto to ALL of this. And ditto to him taking everything so personally. Like the kids acting like kids are a personal affront to him and only him. It's insane.