How to handle a bossy older sibling?

Emer

DD is 4 years old and is 18 months older than her brother.  She is starting to get bossy, not so much telling him what to do, but telling him what NOT to do.  The thing is, she's usually right.  He's not allowed to throw his shoes, he shouldn't be turning on the tv, we don't eat ice cream before dinner, etc., but I want/need her to give him some space to learn these things for himself.  And it's starting to turn into telling him he can't sing along with a song, or only girls can dance to the music.  I've tried just telling her not to worry about what he's doing, but it's not working.  If she only did it occasionally, I might not think it is a big deal, but it's constantly (he's very active).  Ideas?

ali-1411

Jakob is 9 so we might handle it differently than you do a 4 yr old.  But he likes to boss his sister around.  I tell him, "She already has two parents.  She doesn't need you to be another one.  If she's doing something wrong, you come tell ME and I will handle it"

austxgrl

I was the bossy older sibling.  There was a 10 year age difference so this might not be appropriate for your situation but I very clearly remember my parents telling me "I'll be the parent, you be the child" or "I'm the parent so I will let him know".  I heard it frequently but I do remember thinking 'I need to back off'.  Its a thought.

Temp13436125005166

This is starting to happen with M&R too.  We haven't figured anything out yet.  I feel like I'm always correcting it, I usually keep it directed at Ryan since he's the one getting upset.  Like, Ryan its ok to play with X. Or I just rephrase whatever Megan said in a positive sense (she too is often right that he shouldn't be doing it).  She of course says something like "No Ryan, you can't do that" with a total scowl face and finger pointing (no idea where she got that!).  But I've noticed all my correcting has been picked up by Ryan so now he's more apt to cry about anything Megan tries to correct him on, even little things.  I've been thinking about trying to take a more playful approach/turning it into something silly, especially when its something that Ryan doesn't need to stop doing. But that's more of a thought than something I've done :-)  So really I'm no help, more just a comiserator :-)

A&Jmom

Didn't read the replies so sorry if this is a repeat.  Abby is 3 1/2 years older than J, so it has pretty much always been a problem for us (well since J was about a year and actually doing/getting into things).  She is bossy in general and likes to tell her brother what to do and like you said especially what NOT to do.  I try to use similar language that they use at school with her "Abby, you need to take care of Abby and I (and dad) will take care of J." I also tell her that she needs to tell us not tell him.  It dos not always work, as in we have to remind her all.the/time.  But she usually backs off for a while when give her the reminder.

Emer

Great suggestions, thank you. 

A&J, I like the idea of talking to her about taking care of herself and letting us take care of DS.