And Exhale

changingnames

Ds has had a burst of behaviors -biting, kicking, and hitting us like he can't stop himself- over the last few weeks. His EI ended and he is in special Ed pre k but are waiting for the red tape to lift for his aba to start again. We were at our wits end this weekend and then ahhhhhhh I had an idea. One of my best friends is an aba therapist in another state- why am I not utilizing that connection, duh. I face booked her and she called me back. It felt so good to talk to someone IRL and tell them everything that is going on (none of my friends have experience with this and most of them don't even have kids so I don't tell them anything about what is going on except my very closest friends , he is very high functioning PDD-NOS so they mostly tell me how great he looks and they are sure he is fine bla bla which I know is them trying to be positive and nice but they have no clue what they are talking about). She of course understood what was going on, helped me identify why this behavior suddenly showed up again (thought we had it extinct- now I remember he saw an older kid running around a birthday party kicking people and then played kicking with him- we immediately talked to ds and told him this was not acceptable behavior but for some reason the other kid's parents were just letting him do it and we spent most of the night pulling them apart, he was getting major positive reinforcement from this oldr kid-duh of course that is when it started again). She suggested a token system that I think he will really like (she said she doesn't usually do it for 3 yr olds but in talking to me we both think he is ready). All in all it just felt so good to be able to tell someone what is going on here and know she won't judge my kiddo or think we just don't discipline him. He is so high functioning that I know some of our "friends" think if I only did it their way, if I were strict, if I xyz he wouldn't do these things but they don't get that he isn't just an nt running wild- he is freaking out in his little mind and this is how he is coping with it. It makes me a little sad to realize how much I needed to be able to talk to someone and not feel judged or like my kiddo would be judged. My big sis from my college sorority is a supervisor for a regional program, I told her when he was getting tested but haven't really pursued talking to her, maybe I will call her next. When and who have you talked to about issues or diagnosis for your kiddos? I don't know what is best for him or me. I feel like so many people don't get that there is a whole range of behaviors on the autism spectrum so he doesn't have to be totally disengaged and stimming alone in a corner and oftn either downplay and say im silly or seem to expect somehing totally differnt than what is the situation. At the same time friends we have with kids don't get why I might avoid certain social situations or not expect my kid to behave in a certain way, why I can't just tell him to do something and have him do it (if you let him know u really mean it he will do it- um no he won't, he freaks out in big crowds and he is going to try to run off regardless of how much I mean it). It feels really isolating for me and in turn I find myself avoiding some social situations for both of us which in the end is lose lose since I want him to have the chance to be with nt and sometimes he is really great. We ended the conversation with both of us recalling all the red flags from our own childhoods and laughing at how we are both probably on the spectrum a little or autism cousins. I feel like crying right now because it was such a relief. Ps I'm on an iPad so u get a big cookie if you made it thru the no paragraphs and autocorrected text. Also I am newish to this so I apologize if I used any incorrect or insensitive vocabulary- please let me know if this is the case so I can correct myself in the future.