Auntie - I need some advice

virginiamorse

I used to post under W&J'sMommy.

So DS (Autistic) is in mainstreamed Kindie with lots of supports.  He was in self contained for preschool at 3 then at 4 moved to inclusion.  He did well in inclusion preschool but did have some behavior issues that were quickly cleared up with a BSP.

He is doing very badly in Kindie.  It's been a month and his behavior is steadily detriorating, he is becoming physically agressive with the classroom aide (there for him).  He was NEVER physically agressive before.  I am so upset and really at a loss.  The reward system that they use in the class isn't working for him at all.  Everything tht the support teacher has tried hasn't worked.  She suggested we take away his iPad time at home for misbehavior at school, which I reluctantly agreed to, but that hasn't worked.  He knows what he is doing is wrong.  Every morning we talk about appropriate behavior and he is happy and says he will have a good day and then I get a phone call:(  I think it all comes down to self control.  When he is in the moment he just cannot stop and think about the consequences.

I don't know what to do.  I've figured that he'll need meds at some point, maybe I should call his dev. pedi and see what he thinks?  Are there meds that would address self control?  I had considered holding him back a year (he just turned 5 in June) but everyone at the preschool said he was ready to move on, maybe he isn't?  And if I did pull him out I don't know what I'd do with him - he is academically ready for K and I think another year of preschool would just lead to behavior problems due to boredom.  And we can't afford to do a private program.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

ToastieSimons

I know I'm not Auntie, but I wanted to weigh in on one thing.

I would not trust his support.  She wants you to take away his IPad at home for misbehaving in school?  I think even for a typical kindergartner this is a terrible idea.  A young child has a short attention span, to me this is like punishing a dog hours later for peeing on the floor.  I don't know if he would be able to attach the punishment to the crime.

 

virginiamorse

-auntie-:

virginiamorse:

What do these supports look like? Does he have differentiated instruction? Movement or OT breaks built into his day? A visual schedule to help with transitions? Has he had a recent FBA and a positive BIP written by someone very familiar with autism? Do all the adults who work with him have specific autism training and ongoing itinerant support?

He gets OT breaks.  The schedule has had issues - he was removing non prefered activities, then they went to dry erase and he was erasing things (I can't help but laugh to myself when they tell me these things), so now they only write out the next couple activities.  I don't know the answers to the other q's.  His IEP was written in May at the preschool - the kindie support teacher and student services coordinator were there.  they want to get to know him before they do one at the elementary, it made sense to me at the time.  Same with his BSP.

The honeymoon is over. Kindie is hard. For many kids, it's the challenge of kindie that brings about a dx. My son was a success at a traditional preschool because it didn't challenge him in terms of having to transition, particpate or force him to perform tasks that were not his more desired activities. Kindie is real school, with seriously ramped up expectations.

These are his big problems.

Behavior is communication. This is a call for help. Something isn't working. Maybe it's the behavior plan, maybe his aide isn't properly trained, maybe he would have been better served in a more restricted setting for another year. I know that aggression can be a deal breaker, but it is really no worse in terms of later outcome than the kid who copes by escaping into his head. At least everyone notices. 

Lol, that's something.  I do get that it's a call for help.  The odd thing to me is that he is really happy at home.  He comes home from school and tells me about his day, even the things he got in trouble for, and he isn't bothered by it at all.  I can't understand it.

 

Reward systems aren't for every kid. Some kids can get overly focused on things like fish on bridge or the color of their stop light. Any reward system should be positive. IMHO, a teacher who thinks taking something away from a kid is a reward system is an idiot. Even your autistic kid knows that's wack.

Yeah, it didn't feel right when I was aggreeing to it.  I was so upset about him hitting and kicking the aide again that I was willing to agree to just about anything.  I've thought about it all day and I don't think that's what I want to do.  I'm going to call her tomorrow and let her know I've changed my mind. 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but there are teachers out there who despise some of our kids and will relish the thought of him doing without his iPad. It's your job to prevent such people from taking their meanspiritedness out on your child.

Not at all, I see what you are saying.  Especially since he is the huge 5 year old hitting and kicking teachers - I can see how that isn't going to win him any popularity contests.

There's knowing and there's being able to put that knowledge to use in the moment. If he's an impulsive or has poor self regulation skills, perhaps a program like this would help him settle himself.

https://www.alertprogram.com/

I like this book for discipline of kids who lose control and rage-

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0061906190/ref=noism/oasisonlinesp07

Thanks I will look into those.

Stimulants (Concerta, Adderall) can help the child who gets into trouble with impulsivity issues. SSRIs (Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro) are sometimes added to help a kid who gets stuck or who has compulsive behaviors. Some of the meds used for bipolar like the atypical antipsychotics (Risperdal, Abilify, Geodon) can be used in tiny doses to help with kids who act out their frustrations in physical ways. They're also useful for kids whose behavior is driven by inflexibility.

Do you think at 5 he's too young to start meds?  I want him to be the best he can be and if he needs meds for that it's fine by me.  But I just know nothing about them and it does make me nervous.  Like will he be able to tell me if he doesn't feel right or doesn't like how it makes him feel?

Thank you for your help.

virginiamorse

ToastieSimons:

I know I'm not Auntie, but I wanted to weigh in on one thing.

I would not trust his support.  She wants you to take away his IPad at home for misbehaving in school?  I think even for a typical kindergartner this is a terrible idea.  A young child has a short attention span, to me this is like punishing a dog hours later for peeing on the floor.  I don't know if he would be able to attach the punishment to the crime.

 

You're right.  It didn't set right with me either but in the moment.  I'm calling her tomorrow to tell her I've changed my mind.  He's been so happy at home and I dont want to bring the battle here.