Moms of 2+, question about leaving first while in labor with 2nd

BritClen

Just days aways from having DD#2 I am starting to get worried about leaving DD#1...

DH and I are lucky to have both our families live close and DD is very close to my parents (she just loves them!) and feels very comfy at their house. she has everything there she needs (toys, diapers, food, cups) expect for a bed... 

we plan on leaving her with my parents while I am in labor but and the first night...but I am struggling with this...I just am having a hard time with leaving her for so long, (we will be in the hospital for at lest two days, two nights)

she'll be sleeping with my mom, while my dad sleeps in the guest room (he snores really loud) 

I expressed to DH that I wanted him to go home with DD the second night, but he doesnt like that. He is said he is more worried about the new baby and myself (if I bleed out or if something is found or happens with the baby) 

I get this but DD hasnt been away from us that long ever!! and she is very much a home body(she has only spent one night away from us and that was at 18months)....I thought about asking my parents to stay at our house, but I dont think that is very comfy for them... 

how did you handle this? what did you find works better? I just dont want her to feel left out or up set about not being with us.. 

thanks!

 

ghm

I think he should go home to be with your older daughter. I was never in the hospital longer than 24 hours after baby was born. DH stayed with our first, but I had to wake up to take care of the baby anyway (feed him). He changed him, and held him while i slept some, but it wasn't THAT helpful (I felt fine and moved around fine). I sent him home after DD1 was born so he could be with DS. DD2 was born at home, but I had spent a week in the hospital earlier in my pregnancy and he never stayed with me. 

 

penguinem

I am worried about this too, but right now our plan is for my Dad (who will be retired) to come and stay at our house with DD. He lives three hours away so he will probably come before labor (ha ha... as if I can plan it) so DD will be used to him being here. I think it will be wierd for her but we have already been talking about it and she will be excited to spend time with him. She has never spent the night away from us both or our house (well, vacation with us, but not without us) plus our closest family lives an hour away, so that's not an option.

I definitely want DH to be at the hospital with me. I will be nervous about DD but I totally trust my Dad to handle the situation with her and I think it is important to me and the new baby for DH to be there during those first days. I know that DD is going to be a little no matter what, and I am just hoping for a uncomplicated hospital stay (things were rough with her) so that we can come home in a reasonable time. If it stretched out past two nights, then we may discuss DH coming home, although if we had to be there longer for a trying reason it may be important for him to stay.

It's rough, and I don't know how I will feel when the time comes! I am still several months away, but I know that it will be emotional. FWIW, it sounds like your parents are good with your child and I bet she will be fine. If I were you I would see if your parents would be willing to stay at your home, so that as little as possible changes. Good luck and enjoy the new baby!

Pesky

I left DD at home with my ILs.  She actually had a little cold so that nixed all plans for her to come to the hospital (felt uncomfortable potentially risking the health of the other newborns) so I didn't see her at all for 2 days.  She was fine during that time.  I did insist DH go home the first night and 2nd night because I figured he might as well get some sleep because he was about to embark on 6-8 weeks of severely interrupted sleep.   I'd let her stay at your parents.  It will be fine and great bonding time for your DD and parents.  As to whether your DH has an interrupted night's sleep at the hospital or not I would leave to him but I think it would be better for your DD to simply have the parents away for a night than be interrupted with your DH returning and then disappearing again in the morning to the hospital.  You can also get her a little cot (they sell them for $25 at Wal-mart in the baby section) and both of mine LOVE sleeping in that thing -- it's almost like a mini hammock.

NYBrideInWI

I'm so glad you posted this - I have thought about what we'll do with DS when I go into labor. But it hadn't occurred to me that I need a plan for the next few days. With DS I didn't have complications but was still in hospital Monday - Wednesday.

DH's parents will come from 1hr away which works if its daytime and DS is at daycare but need a plan for how to handle if its middle of night/early morning. Was hoping to ask next door neighbor to be on call but they moved away a few weeks ago.... 

My preference would be for DS to stay at home and not go 1hr away to grandma & grandpa's, need to think about this more.... 

Spin313

My mom came to our house the first night, then DH went home and stayed with DS for the rest of my hospital stay and I stayed alone with new baby (two more nights).

NewFamily09

Our older son was only 15 months old when his brother was born, so he was a little clueless about it.  We don't have family nearby, so DH's sister flew in to watch him at our house.  I think you should plan for her to stay with her grandparents, but make DH prepared to have to get her and stay home with her.  Remind him that he can visit you every day.  I can understand his point of view.  DH and I agreed for him to go home once our baby was born and everyone was good and healthy.  But the nurses gave him a hard time and made him feel guilty about leaving me.  Do you have time before the baby comes to have a practice sleepover, to see how she will react?

momtoRaegan041008

Well, we had always planned on my husband going back home and staying with DD1, but he decided to stay with me at the hospital instead.  I ended up only having to stay one night, unlike with DD1 they made me stay 2.  I didn't know that with the 2nd baby, as long as everything is well with mommy and baby, they give you the choice to stay 2 nights or just 1.  DD1 has only stayed the night with my in-laws 2 times before.  Once when she was just over 2 and the other time when she was 2 1/2.  I actually didn't think she would stay the night since she had been very clingy to me. 

mittensonkittens

I went into labor in the middle of the night, and we don't have any family nearby, so we had a friend come stay with DS1 that night. The next night DH stayed with him because we didn't want to impose on our friends, they all have small kids and work full time, like us. I was completely fine alone with a newborn. The delivery went smooth and I really didn't need DH's help. However if I had family nearby, I wouldn't hesitate to leave my 2 year old there for a few days. I think your LO will be ok whatever you decide.

meg1974

I was in the hospital for 4 days/3 nights due to having a c/s. DH stayed with me the first night, and DD stayed at our house with my mom. She didn't want to go to sleep that night, so she slept with my mom. The next day my mom was bringing her to the hospital to see us, and she threw up (we think from nerves since she wasn't sick). We decided DD needed DH more than I did, so he went home with her the 2nd night and my mom stayed with me in the hospital. The 3rd night she went home with my mom again and was fine. 

So I guess my advice is that it would be good for your DH to stay with her at least one night, but you can also play it by ear and see how she does. I suggest bringing her to the hospital to see you every day. DD seemed to enjoy that. Also, my mom did a lot of activities with her at home to keep her occupied and made her favorite foods.

GL! 

SouthFloridaMommy

I completely get what you are saying - I had so much anxiety over this when I had DD2 in March.  What we ended up doing was having DH go home with DD1 the night after I had DD2 (DD2 was born at 5am).  I wanted her to have some consistency.  DH got up with her, they went to DD1's gym class, and then came to visit me in the hospital.  After a short visit, she went home with my MIL and DH stayed with me.  Later that day DD1 visited again.  We were going to be discharged early that next morning and I was tired from the night before, so DH stayed with me in the hospital the second night.  It was the perfect balance for us - one night with her, one night with me.  Good luck! 

iteachk

My DD was the same way - both our parents are nearby & she is very comfortable with them, but had never been away from us for more than 24 hours. 

I was induced, and MIL came & picked DD up on a Monday morning.  She stayed at their house two nights, and at my parents' house one night.  I was really worried, and I even cried the first night b/c I missed her so much.  But she did really great.  She was so busy with them & it got better for me after the baby was born & I had her to focus on.  DH stayed with me the whole time even though I told him he could go home.  DD visited us every day after the baby was born. 

The only issues we had was the 2 weeks following.  She wouldn't let me out of her sight & was afraid I'd leave her again.  After a couple of weeks, she was back to normal.

My advice - try not to worry about it.  I'm sure your DD will do great!

mavs_girl07

I had a scheduled c/s so I was in the hospital 3 nights.  We have no family in town, so the day before my mom and dad came into town to stay with us.  The morning of my c/s DH and I took DD to her in-home daycare, then went to the hospital.  My parents met us there, spent some time with us and the baby, then that afternoon they went and picked up DD and took her home.  DH was with me all day, then went home to be with DD in the evening for dinner, bedtime, and then stayed the night at home (along with my parents).  The next 2 days were pretty much the same:  DH got DD up in the morning and stayed with her through breakfast, then he came to the hospital to be with me and baby.  Mid-morning my parents took DD to her in-home daycare then came to the hospital for a few hours to visit.  In the afternoon, they picked her up and took her home, then again DH went home to be with her for dinner, bedtime, and stayed at home for the night.

I was terrified because DD had never been away from me overnight and was extremely clingy at the time.  But everything went so smoothly!  I think taking her to her in-home during the day, as well as having DH there in the evenings, really helped to keep her normal routine going.  She didn't come to the hospital to visit us until the last day when it was time for us to go home.  Then she met DS for the first time and helped us bring him home.  

bulldog_mama23

Our parents both live nearby and DD spends a lot of time with them.  We had my mom stay with DD one night and MIL stayed the other night.  DS was born on a Friday and we came home on Halloween.  We would have been discharged on Saturday but the pedi wasn't available for the circumcision so we had to stick around all day on Sunday for that.

DH expressed interest in staying at home with DD but I really wanted him to be with me and the new baby.  DD also came to meet her new brother at the hospital the next day with all of our parents and siblings.  It was nice to see her but at 17 months old, she had NO idea what was going on, she thought it was a party all about her and showed no interest in a baby! So much for my perfect family pic in the hospital.   When we brought DS home, she gave him a kiss instantly.  

NavyPilotWife

I went into labor in the early evening, so I took DD1 over to my friend's house (her DD is 2 weeks younger than DD1) and put her to bed there.  We put the car seat in my friend's car and left her the double BOB.  She took DD to Stroller Strides in the morning (which is our morning routine), then brought her back to her home for lunch and a nap.  At that point, DH went to pick her up to visit me and DD2 at the hospital.  It was a nice, quick visit and then DH took her back to our house.  They came back the next morning to pick us up, as I was only there about 29 hours after DD2's birth.

I wanted DD1's routine to be a similar as possible.  I didn't need DH in the hospital and was glad that he could get some sleep.

VTbride05

I hear your concern!

We left DS with my mom and he had a great time and never noticed I was gone. This was shocking to me b/c he had never been away from me for more than a few hours, never overnight, and I was worried! I did send DH home at night b/c I didnt need his support in the hospital and I think it was comforting for DS to have him at home and keep the same bedtime routine.

Try not to worry too much. It will go better than you expect. GL!

SuperCuteBenz

We had a terrible experience with this. I went into labor early in the morning, and we did not wake DD to tell her. She was about 2 1/2 at the time.

DH's best friend came over to stay with her until my mom got there, and when she woke up she freaked out. She knows him very well, because he used to live with us for a while. We go to his house often, etc. We called from the hospital, and we could hear her screaming all the way upstairs.

She stays with my parents quite often, so we figured out that she would be better once my mom got there. Well, we were wrong. She screamed and cried for us all the way to the hospital. My mom had to bring her up to us ASAP.

I was in the hospital from Tuesday-Saturday, and she literally cried on and off the whole time I was gone. My DH went home in the evening to put her to bed, give her a bath, etc. We thought that was the best decision, because it still gave her some routine.

I agree that your DH should go home with her. I think it is important.

I hope your DD handles it better than ours! We are really thinking about a 3rd, and keep wondering what we would do about all this again.

Worcbride

I didnt read anyone else's response so sorry if this is a repeater

Honestly, it's too late now but you could have helped prepare DD by scheduling some sleepovers at your parents while you were PG. 

I can understand your husband's desire to stay with you and the new baby.  You need to trust that your parents are capable that if DD is having a difficult time they will be able to get her thru it.  Personally, I sent DH home (I had a csection and was in the hospital a few days) but my DD still stayed w/my parents (which she was used to cuz we anticipated/prepared her) so DH could get some sleep.  My parents brought her to the hospital every day.  She went home with DH the last nite I stayed at the hospital and they both came and got me the next morning.

 

Good luck on whatever decision you make!

Cytina

To be honest, MH was fairly useless in the hospital with DS1 (not to be mean) so with DS2, I insisted he stay home with S.  We had no other options though - no family nearby or anything.  I felt he was much more valuable being with our older son, who needed him more than I and/or the new baby would.  Obviously if there had been complications, we would have handled it differently...  but unless you've had complications thus far, it's likely you will have a normal labor/delivery and healthy baby.

NicoleWI

I was very worried about leaving DD when DS was born. She was 22.5 months old at the time. I think it's really important to talk a lot about what will happen when the baby comes, and that it's important to say goodbye when you go to the hospital, no matter what time it is. I was a crying emotional mess when my water broke and had to really try to pull it together to say bye to DD and tell her that we were going to the hospital to have the baby. MIL stayed at our house with DD the first night DH went home in the a.m. to shower, change, etc, and then brought her back in the afternoon to visit. DD was most excited about getting to have a drink with a straw and getting presents from her grandparents, and only moderately interested in the baby.  I was super worried that she would freak about leaving me in the hospital but she had no problems. She just took it all in stride no problem. Again, I think talking to her a lot really helped. DH went home with her for the second night AND the third night. They keep you 2 nights post baby, here. Anyway, it was all fine and I think DD would have been fine having MIL stay. I had a hard time b/c I felt DH was gone TOO much. I was absolutely exhausted and the nurses said they were short staffed and couldn't keep the baby in the nursery for long (WTF??). I should have insisted DH stay with me the third night as I really needed help and it was hard to be doing everything on my own as tired as I was. If we have a third, we'll find some happy medium of helping the other kids and helping me!

mrsjones06

I was extremely nervous about leaving DS1 when I had DS2 (c/s). He had only been away from us once (also around 18 mos) for a weekend trip. I had my parents stay at our house with DS1 while we were in the hospital b/c I thought it would be less upsetting for him to be in his own environment. We talked about 'grammy & grandpa' coming to stay with him a lot before the time came. I gave him huge hugs the night before my c/s (we had to be at the hospital at 6am the next morning) & I cried on the way to the hospital over the thought of not being with him for so long. The plan was for them to bring him up to the hospital with them & I was even more worried that he'd be upset about having to leave with them while DH & I stayed there with the baby.

DS had an absolute blast the whole weekend & I don't even think he missed us! Our A/C went out the first night & my mom & DS had to stay 2 nights in a hotel which totally shot my plan of having him in his own environment. My parents did a great job of entertaining (aka spoiling) him & he had no problems coming/going from the hospital to visit us. It couldn't have gone any better for him...I think he thought it was a big, fun vacation. (If it had gone badly our backup plan was for DH to come home at night...or at least long enough to put DS to bed.)

I know it's hard, but don't worry too much b/c she's probably surprise you & have a great time!

funchicken

My inlaws came down (they live 4 hours away), and they stayed with DD the first night, and DH stayed with her the second night. 

My labor was super fast--started at 2:30 in the afternoon, and DD2 was born 5 hours later.  DD1 was totally fine the first night.  DH went home in the morning to see her, and then he brought her to the hospital to see me.  My inlaws took her back home for the afternoon and DH stayed with me until dinner time.  I stayed in the hospital by myself the second night and was discharged the next morning.  I was gone less than 48 hours--it wasn't a big deal at all, and DD1 had never spent a night without DH or me before that.  We explained what was going to happen beforehand, but that's all we did to prepare her.

Kery1499

DH will be with me for labor but then I told him both nights I am sleeping there I wanted him to go home and stay with her and do her normal routine etc maybe take her out to the park, walk etc the stuff we normally do with her. Shes only 2 and this is going to be a HUGE adjustment as it is. I dont want both of us to leave her for 2-3 days then come home with a new baby and shes likes huuuhhh?

RHitch

DH was with me during labor (it was quick: went in at 8:30 AM, delivered at 1:53 PM) and during the day.  He stayed at home with DD both nights that I was in the hospital.  My ILs had no problem keeping her.  She is very comfortable with them, because they keep her 5 days a week while we are at work.  However, DD rarely stays over anyone's house overnight, so we felt like she would be more comfortable at home in her own bed.  DH was still able to spend a lot of time with the baby during the day, and at night, he was able to spend time with DD.