**If you didn't see my post from last night, it's only on page 2 now so you can find it there **
I ended up going to his school after work today. I did send the teacher an email letting her know that I would be coming, but didn't tell her a time, and I also told her I'd like to schedule an IEP meeting asap. She emailed back saying she was looking forward to me coming and that she'd get with everyone to schedule the meeting and then added how sweet Jayden is and that she would continue working one on one with him to help him have better days
Anyway, I got to the school about 15 minutes before naptime was over. His mat is right beside the teacher's work area and he was on the floor playing (and covered!) in play doh. I knew it was a class supply and even though she knows about his Celiac Disease, I know most people don't know that play doh has wheat in it. So I blame myself for not alerting her of that from the beginning. I did let her know right then that it's possible he's ingested a bit of that play doh b/c it was all underneath his fingernails and he is a thumbsucker. He takes probiotics daily, so I don't think it has been hurting his stomach, but it could definitely be part of the reason his behavior changed out of the blue. She felt really bad about it but we discussed alternatives. I will send him with moon sand and maybe mix up some GF play doh to send to school although I'm not sure how long that will last. Aside from that, I immediately noticed that she had on some loud, annoying sounding music for the kids to sleep with. It wasn't soft like a lullaby or anything. It was slightly upbeat with so many different tones that it made it really hard for me to even focus on what she was saying to me. Jayden has sensory issues and he is sensitive in the auditory area, so I'm willing to bet that it why he will not take a nap. He's too busy trying to do whatever he can to block out that horrible music! The notes she was sending about nap time would always say that he was loud. That's why he's loud b/c that's how he blocks out sounds that he cannot tolerate.
After nap time, all of the kids started to get up and put away their mats. Jayden put his away and did everything the teacher and the teacher's aide asked of him. Then he'd look over at me and say "I'm being a good boy mommy!" and I'd smile at him and give him thumbs up. So after nap time, they did centers. Just different activities in different areas of the classroom. At first Jayden started painting and he painted for about 15 minutes. I noticed kids running in circles with stars in their hands. The stars had their pictures on it and it was on a stick. Jayden didn't have one but I figured it was a craft they did and his was in his cubby. After about 20 minutes of him doing well, I asked the teacher if he normally would act out during this time b/c I wouldn't expect him to since he's free to do whatever he enjoys doing. So as she started explaining to me that the different centers have limits on how many kids can play at once, Jayden tried to go over to the block center and then all hell broke loose. So, they way it works is that only 3 kids can play in a center at once. Each kid decides which center they want to play in and they stick their star in the pocket of the center and go play (sort of like claiming their space) If a 4th child comes along and sees that there are already 3 stars in the pocket, he has to find a different center. Ok, call me crazy, but I think that is too much to ask of 4 yr olds. 1st graders, maybe, but at 4 they are still learning to share so to see that you didn't make it to your center in time and you cannot play with the toys you wanted to play with, it's just unfair in their minds. However, Jayden's issue with it is much deeper b/c although he can recite his numbers, he still cannot count objects (neurological damage from the seizures), so he can see that 3 stars are there but he doesn't comprehend that there are 3. So he places his star and goes in. His teacher tells him he has to get out b/c the center is closed. He gets upset b/c he doesn't understand why it's closed and if it's closed why are these other kids in it?? So of course he melts down. As he was screaming and falling out he looked over at me with sad eyes, almost as if to say "Help me!" but he kept right on crying and refusing to leave from the blocks. I'm thinking b/c by then he was overstimulated and could not control his actions. one of the little boys that was playing with blocks ended up moving to the next center and Jayden was able to stay. The teacher got up and said "I'm glad that happened while you were here. And the only reason why it didn't get worse is b/c he was able to stay there." It was evident by the look on her face that she is frustrated with him and it's also evident that she doesn't have the experience to deal with behavior issues b/c she was really just holding him down once he started losing it, instead of trying to calm him and help him understand. After that incident, I watched how sweetly her and the aide talked to the other kids and hugged on them and I realized that with Jayden it's a different tone and he definitely doesn't get all of the hugs and attention as the other kids. He definitely feeds off of that as well.
So just from that 1 hour of observing I've concluded (and sent her an email explaining) that number 1, he's exhausted so he's getting overstimulated very easily, thus causing the meltdowns. So he NEEDS to take his nap or at least lie down and let his brain rest but that won't happen if he cannot tolerate the music. So I'm sending him to school Monday with his white noise machine and I will ask that she plugs it up close to him to help drown out the music she's playing for the other kids. Also, his IEP states that he has an OT teacher consult as needed. Last school year he reached all of his OT goals and was released from OT, however, that was at a different school with different teachers. It's quite possible he's regressed. This is all new to him and stressful so he may need to begin OT again. As his teacher, I feel that she should have reviewed his IEP and immediately contacted the OT for a teacher consult. So I suggested an OT consult and to have him to begin occupational therapy again. I know he's overwhelmed and she doesn't seem to have the patience at all, although that's her job. But not everyone is cut out to do that job no matter how much you think you may be. I took him home early today and as soon as we pulled out of the parking lot he told me "Mommy, I sad. I'm a bad boy. I throw block at teacher and I'm sorry." He didn't throw a block at the teacher but he got upset in the block center and couldn't calm himself. He knew it was wrong but he was still caught up in that overstimulating environment with no one who understood that he needed to be removed from the situation in order to get him to even listen to what is being said to him. The minute he was removed he admitted that he was wrong and he apologized, but by then it was too late b/c his teacher was not there to hear the apology. I am questioning her experience with special needs kids, at this point.
Re: Update on pre-K issues...observed him in class today
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
It sounds like she has little to no experience with special needs kids. Or at least 4 year olds.
She may be certified in elementary and/or early childhood and all of her experience may be at the upper end of the age range. I have a friend who had years of experience in 3rd and 4th grade and the year she was put into 1st, she said it was like her first year of teaching all over again.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I don't think the center idea/3 stars is a bad idea, but after she saw him melt the first time she needs to act. She could have Jayden check in with her when he's ready to move on and they could go around and count the kids in each center and ask, "Can Jayden go in here?" and start WITH a center that he can go in...and then show him one that he can't go in. Did you ask her if that's happened before? If it did, why didn't she anticipate and prepare? That ticks me off.
Upbeat, loud music is a weird idea. I did put on soft music for my kids at times, but at quiet / center time, not nap time. And I would have checked my IEPs for sensory issues before making this decision. You also might want to consider ear headphones or even ear plugs if the white noise machine doesn't work.
How can you make some suggestions to her that would not make her defensive? I just am focusing on what you want which is him happy and at that school and wondering how to get you guys there. Last night it sounded as if you didn't have many other school options that you felt would be a good fit for him. I totally understand your frustration with her, I can't imagine how I'd feel if I were in your shoes but I think going to battle with her if you intend on keeping him at the school would serve nobody.
Like the music for instance. If you two had a cordial relationship you could just ask her to turn it off/play something else instead of giving him a music machine etc. It just seems like the music machine is an overcomplicated solution to a problem that is easily solved you know? And requiring them to do something else different for him vs. the other kids makes Jayden more excluded/"difficult". I would hope if the music is a problem for him, she'd be happy to turn it off. I agree with you that the star game sounds complicated for 4 y/os. But maybe it has worked well for her in the past? If you can sit down with her and explain what you saw and what you think set him off, maybe she'd be open to changes?
I'm sure you plan on doing that and I commend you for being such a fighter for him. If you want to keep him at the school though, definitely keep any suggestions as constructive as possible .
The center thing...that is how Mitch's preschool handles it too.So I don't think its too much to ask that age group in general, but if a child is having issues, I don't think it would be that hard for the teacher to figure out that a child needs HELP! I like the suggestion of checking in with the teacher to find out which centers are open.
The music! holy cow, how do ANY of the kids sleep/rest with that?? My kids don't require silence, but at LEAST something less stimulating! I'm sure ALL the kids could benefit from light classical music or a noise machine! That's such a no brainer, I can't believe the teacher couldn't figure that out. Is it music that SHE would like? Or that is kid appropriate?
That SUCKS about the teacher..BIG time. GAH! I think you are going to have to spend a LOT of time helping educate her how to best help your son, and hopefully she will learn some important lessons for FUTURE kids she encounters. I think you are just going to have to put on a huge advocate hat this year and fight for the teacher to help your son the best way HE needs help..not whatever she thinks is easiest for HER!
Yes, she told me that happens all the time...I do think he would do better if he had someone to go to each center and help him count how many kids are in there and ask if it's open or closed. But with him, it would need to be done BEFORE he gets his mind set on a certain thing. Like today, he saw the boys having fun with the blocks and he just wanted in so by then it was too late for reasoning. My husband and I are going to try and do a mock set up at home and try to see if we can get him used to it, even just a little.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
That's my main concern. I don't want to step on her toes. I don't have plans of making her life miserable (even though my posts may come off that way, I'm sure it's just frustration on my part). As of right now, she is my son's teacher and I have to trust him in her care so I want to do whatever I can to make sure he's happy. She has been asking me for any advice on what works at home, so I feel like the door has been opened for me to make suggestions, but I do plan to do so without insulting her.
With the music, wouldn't it be selfish of me to ask her to turn it off just for him? It didn't seem to bother any other child but him. Even though it's a combo class, only 4 other kids have IEPs and the chances of those 4 kids having auditory sensitivities like Jayden are probably low. So since he is the only one that appears affected, I just thought it would be easier to send something to help him without disturbing what the teacher and the other kids are used to. He sleeps with a white noise machine at home every night. I wouldn't ask her to turn it on so loud to disrupt the other music, just enough so that it can help him to drown out the music without making the noise with his own mouth. And in the email, I did key her in on the fact that he is not yet able to count objects, and in parentheses I wrote "unless, of course he has shown you otherwise!". I did suggest in the email that someone assist him in understanding which centers are open for him prior to him spotting something he wants and just going for it. Then after I suggested that I did apologize if she is already doing this. I just didn't see it done today but I know our presence in the classroom through things off for them.
I only want the best for Jayden and as long as she is his teacher, I will remain cordial with her. It's just really hard to actually see with my own eyes that his teacher is frustrated with him and not seeming to want to exert the energy needed to help him cope. He does obviously love her though and he does try. When she told him to put on his shoes he said "Yes, ma'am teacher." and put them on. And before I took him home, the teacher's aide actually asked him for a hug and he turned around and gave her one, but he ran up to his teacher on his own accord and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
What about making a copy of a soothing CD you guys listen to at home for naptime? I doubt the other kids are benefitting from that peppy music when they are trying to sleep either .
Didn't she ask you for suggestions? She realizes she is not good at dealing with him and is open to making changes so I wouldn't worry about stepping on her toes (as long as you approach her constructively). Too many suggestions is better than the alternative (him not happy, being extremely disruptive and her doing all the wrong things for him) right?
The only thing he uses to nap with at home is the white noise. At my job, we use a CD that has the sound of waves crashing and soothing music playing in the background so it's like a mixture of music and white noise. I could make a copy of that and send it to her.
Oh and I double posted this, so it's also on the special needs board and Auntie gave me some good insight. I do think that the major issue is that we haven't had an IEP meeting. When he switched schools, I expected to meet with the new group of professionals working with him but they told me it wasn't necessary until his annual IEP review (which is April of each year). So instead they just transferred his IEP, but I don't think it's being followed correctly so we do need the meeting. His teacher told me it probably won't take place until October.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
(((HUGS))) girl. That breaks my heart to read.
Hang in there. I have no doubt that with you fighting for him, Jayden will be just fine.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
When I taught preschool, it was kids ages 3 to 5 (who missed the bday cutoff).
We had a choice board and it worked well. It isn't easy to teach preschool and having a ton of children in one area is hard to manage and not safe. So I agree with her for setting up a choice system. I don't think they are too young to make choices about where to play and understand that there has to be limits.
As for the loud music, you said that naptime was over. Are you sure it's the same music playing DURING nap? We played soft music during nap, but upbeat fun music when they were picking up their mats and going into centers.
How much playdough would he have to eat to have a reaction to the wheat? If it's only a small amount (like him sucking his thumb after touching it) then I would send your own playdough for sure!
ETA: Just reread and saw it was BEFORE nap ended. That's not cool then!
For our choice board in preschool the kids had laminate pieces with their picture on it. The picture had velcro on the back.
Under each picture of the centers were pieces of velcro (the number of pieces was how many kids could be there).
So maybe that would help? If he didn't see an empty velcro piece he can't go in that center.
Have you talked to the principal?
Um yeah. I would question her experience as well. Not treating him as affectionately, not trying to calm him or help him understand... heck I question her "typical" pre-k teacher abilities.
I don't see asking to change the music as selfish at all. Just because the others CAN nap with it doesn't mean it's soothing, they might just be able to nap despite the music. We have a teddy bear that plays soothing sounds, it does some classical music, waves, nature and a womb sound. If the kids are allowed to have lovies at nap time, having his white noise as a teddy bear might make it less obvious.
Another way to do the teacher's 3 kid limit for centers would be to have 3 green cards on the wall with spots in front of them for each kid to set their red block. So kids could see that green means it's open and red means it's closed, or they could count.
Wow. Everything you described makes total sense (the Play-Doh, the music--just hearing about it annoyed me!--and the centers structure) and I can see why Jayden is having a hard time in that room! The teacher doesn't seem like she's willing to take his situation into consideration and wants to just do everything she normally does, and have him fall in line with the rest of the class. Sorry, but that's not going to happen, and she needs to be willing to try different things and take advice on what works with him and what doesn't. Seriously, if you'd told me the student I described in your previous post responded well to people who yodeled in their underwear, my ass would've been doing just that--ANYthing to settle things down and find a way to reach her!
It sounds to me like he might be better off in another class if that is an option, but it's really a shame that she's just unable to connect with him in any way. Once you label a kid as a "problem kid" in your head, it's really, really hard to get past that, and everything they do just feeds into your frustration with them. You start LOOKING for reasons to get upset with them, and you resent having to put so much time and energy into "dealing with them." I've been there, but I try to squelch that every time I feel it starting to happen, and try to start each day fresh, because otherwise, what kid wants to come to school KNOWING they're going to butt heads with the teacher all day long? It's an ugly rut to fall into, and to already be there a few weeks into the year doesn't bode well for how the next several months will go. =( I'm sorry!
Kiwi Fruit, 10.2.06 & Ellie Bug, 4.5.09
My blog: Bear With Us
Ideas on Teaching Your Toddler/Preschooler at Home
She may be an experienced teacher but may not have have a lot of experience with working with children with sensory issues. I think the other posters suggestions about gently explaining the situation to her (which I am sure you did) would be most beneficial to your son. I know you mentioned having the OT consult on his IEP but can't remember, Have you talked to the OT? Has the OT talked with the teacher yet??? Now that you have come and sat down and have seen what is happening hopefully your suggestions will alleviate some of the issues.
One other thing to think about is the room setup (not sure if you mentioned it) I'm sure there are ton of bright colored posters, visual stimulation..could this also be bothering Jayden? Is the size of the room (physical space) bigger than his previous classroom? Sometimes that can overstimulate children with sensory issues as they transition. Also is the day longer? Are there alot more transitions in the day (spaces, activities??) I say his teacher needs to give it at least a few more weeks!! Many times it can take a bit longer for children with delays to transition and get into a routine!!! Perhaps you could also request some sort of visual schedule to aide in transitions..
Good luck! I hope things get resolved as quickly as possible!!
That would definitely help him to understand it. When he's on overload and overstimulated, he's will respond better to visual cues. It makes sense b/c when I have a million people talking in my ear, kids running all around, and then I'm extremely tired, I'm not going to have the patience to sit down and count people to see if I can fit in to an area. However, if I saw an open seat, then I know I can grab it! So seeing an empty piece of velcro would definitely help him.
I rec'd an BCC from the principle yesterday, stating that Jayden will not have a BIP (behavior intervention plan) in place yet (which is what the teacher wanted done on Thursday when she called me) b/c she wants him to be observed for AT LEAST the 10 days b/c she wants to rule out any stress factors either at home or in the classroom environment (like the over stimulation and the music) b/c it could be something as simple as changing the classroom around a bit for him.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
This would work as well for him b/c he has learned his colors faster than he has picked up on numbers (I hate epilepsy...) But I know for a fact that he totally gets that red means stop and green means go b/c he is a total back seat driver! lol
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
Yep, and I know what it's like to label a kid a "problem child" b/c, like I said earlier, I work in a drop off daycare center/gym childcare, and we get all types of kids. Many who are obviously on the spectrum and many who just have serious behavior problems. The ones that we deal with on a daily basis are the ones that many of us get frustrated with and it's like we are waiting for them to come and disrupt the room. It's tough. We work really hard with Jayden at home and unfortunately, he's carrying that label of the problem child at school, yet he acts totally normal and fits in with everyone in any other environment. I saw the look on her face yesterday when he had the tantrum and it was written all over her face how much she dislikes dealing with him.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
Even though his IEP clearly states that he has an OT teacher consult as needed, she never contacted an OT. I know b/c we get paperwork sent home each day that a new professional comes to the classroom to observe him for the first time. The only paperwork we got was from his speech therapist during the second week of school and then the behavior therapist. Obviously, once he started acting out, that was her first reaction, to get a behavior therapist to observe. I'm totally ok with that, but still didn't understand why an OT wasn't contacted for a consult. I did request that of her yesterday and she said she will contact the OT immediately and have him or her to come out and observe him and give a consult.
The room is most certainly bigger, and has several more tables set up in it than his last class had. I am most certain that he's overstimulated and transitioning is hard on him b/c of the room setup. An OT could help him to deal with the transitions and also give the teacher tips on helping him deal. And I do 100% agree that she needs to give him more time to adjust. I think that's what made me most angry, the fact that she just seemed to give up on him after only 2 weeks of him acting out. Before she even explored all avenues available to him. It's like he disrupted her calm, peaceful class and she's not wanting to deal with it.
Thank you, everyone, for your advice and support. I've taken notes and will bring up all valid points during the IEP meeting. I'd rather do it then, with the entire team present, so that his teacher won't feel as if I'm attacking her. I would like us to work as a team to HELP him, not against each other b/c that would only hurt him.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!