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3rd Trimester
Breastfeeding: to cover, or not to cover?
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Re: Breastfeeding: to cover, or not to cover?
I always try to be discreet when nursing in public. Usually I have a blanket that I use to cover up. I don't want to be uncomfortable and I don't want to make other people uncomfortable. I nursed DD for 15 months and have been nursing my DS for 11 weeks and have never used an actual nursing cover up.
As for breastfeeding/ and boobs are natural/meant for nursing, whether you like it or not people (men and women) view boobs as sexual parts of your body. There are also many natural things humans do but that doesn't make it okay to do it out in view so everyone sees- (examples- peeing, pooping, etc).
I'm a FTM, so I do not have any experience bfing in public yet, and not sure how I will manage. I received a nursing cover at my shower and intend to use it, assuming baby tolerates it. My concern is my own personal comfort level with NIP. I certainly would be embarrased if I accidently flashed my boob now, without a baby suckling, so I'm not sure how that would instantly change with nursing. While I agree that bfing is natural and what boobs are intended for, that is not the reality for a lot of people in our society. There are some creepy people out there who will likely choose to stare if given the opportunity... that's what I'd like to avoid.
One question... if NIP is okay, why are we worried about a nursing cover drawing attention to NIP?? I'm just a little confused...
Just because breastfeeding is the breast's original purpose doesn't make it the only one. I agree that our society has become obsessed with breasts and has a warped view of them as being *only* sexual, but that doesn't mean they aren't sexual at all! And it's not just men who find them to be sexual. Or do you not get any sexual pleasure from them?
I think that in order to reverse this over-sexualized view of breasts, we need women nursing in public. And those parents who freak over their child potentially seeing it, those are the kids who will grow up to think that the breast is just a plaything for men. But I also think that however each mother is comfortable nursing is up to her. No, the "comfort" of the general public shouldn't be the deciding factor, but if you feel more comfortable with the security of being covered by a nursing cover, good for you. If you are comfortable with rearranging clothing, good for you. And if you are comfortable going to a private place, good for you. The point is to feed your baby in whatever ways works for the two of you, and not to feel that you HAVE to hide from the world but that you have a choice.
BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010
BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011
BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013
I really didn't need a biology lesson. I happen to live in the REAL WORLD. In this country, boobs are sexual. To act as if that's not true is just silly.
Who are YOU to tell ME or anyone else what our boobs are for? My boobs happen to be useful for more than just milk. For one thing, they got me lots of free drinks in my 20s! They make my DH happy, and yo, he's not getting milk from them. They feel terrific when the man I love appreciates them, which I cannot discount. So for you to say that BOOBS ARE FOR MILK ONLY is just ridiculous and unrealistic and is really just plainly not true.
I am an advocate for BFing. I support our rights to NIP. And it is so rare to see someone NOT be discreet, that I don't get the big deal. Most women aren't putting their tits on display and most people have no issue with it.
But when someone has an attitude about their rights to put their boobs on display I gotta eyeroll. It's unnecessary. It's unrealistic. And THOSE PEOPLE are getting in the way for the majority who just want to feed their kids and not have it be a big deal or have themselves oin display.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Or so others, like the dad, can feed baby a bottle, or in case of emergencies. There are plenty of reasons to buy a pump, even if you're not going back to work, but I have *never* heard anyone say that you should buy a pump so you don't have to feed baby in public (in fact, that's usually one of the advantages everyone lists for bf: no need to carry around bottles when you're out, you've always got food for baby and it's always the right temperature).
BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010
BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011
BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013
I don't think that in the real world there is really as much controversy about NIP as some people think there is. I've never seen a woman get political about her rights while nursing in public, and I've never seen a person react significantly to a nursing mother. Every nursing mother I have observed in public is happy to be discreet, and most other people are happy to ignore it.
Personally, I think it will take me a while to master nursing discreetly with my 36Gs, so I plan on using a cover, at least initially. I don't really care if other people are offended, I'm just a pretty conservative dresser in general.
As far as boobs being "just for nursing," I have to say, my boobs are just as important to my sexual pleasure as they are to my husband's, so no, mine aren't JUST for nursing.
My views...
I don't care if other moms are breastfeeding their kids in public. Breasts are just a body part to me and breastfeeding is a natural thing that mammals do. If a baby is hungry, I don't see a need for the mom to go hide in the secrecy of a bathroom stall to feed their child.
When I breast fed I covered up but still nursed in public. I had lunch with friends and used a cover because that's what I felt comfortable doing. I'm a modest person though.
I've never seen a mom get harassed into covering up. I've heard about it occasionally on the news but personally I've always noticed that if there's a woman feeding her child, most people just notice her and look quickly away like they don't want to get caught staring.
This is me exactly. I don't have any issue with it but I know it makes people uncomfortable. At home I never cover up unless I have guests..
All this. If someone else feels more comfortable feeding expressed BM to their baby in public, that's up to them and I have no problem with it. But to me the whole *point* of BFing is that I don't have to mess with bottles and pumps when I've got perfectly good milk ready to go.
Also, on another point - I BFed DD in the car quite often (we do a lot of road trips so it was usually at rest stops and that sort of thing). Nobody should have to do that, but I didn't mind if that was the easiest place to do it. I will not nurse a baby in a bathroom stall. If anyone wants to do so, aside from the fact it sounds kind of unhygienic that's up to them, I guess, but no mom should ever feel like she is obligated to do it.
This is true in my experience too. I nursed DD for 21 months and did so in public a lot. Like I said, I didn't usually use a cover, but I think I managed to be discreet the way I did it. And I don't remember ever getting any comments or weird looks all that time. I guess maybe people were just quietly judging me, but whatever.
This, and don't forget, your boobs will likely be full and even hurting if it's time for baby to eat and you're out in public. Even if you choose to feed baby pumped milk, you'll just have to go to your car or a mother's room or something to pump again anyway.
Pumping is a PITA and much harder to 'conceal' than just NIP. Aside from trying to build my supply, I only ever pumped when away from DS and just nursed whenever possible. Much simpler.
I have large breasts (that are getting larger sadly). So I would cover for my own comfort and those around me. I believe that BF is beautiful & natural, but on the whole I prefer to keep my breasts covered in public in general.
If I were to see a nursing mother uncovered (big breasts or not) it would not offend me. It is was she is comfortable doing with her own body, and more power to her. Its just not for me.
This also definitely played a part. I remember this one time DS was very fussy (hungry!) and we were on a busy ferry boat. So I covered as best as DS would let me with a blanket and sat in in the corner as discreetly as possible. No biggie. But I heard this guy say to his friend (sitting quite a few seats away...) say "yeah I'd quiet down for that too!" Made me blush and feel watched..
How exactly do you think this will work? You realize that your breasts will become engorged/leak when it is time to feed the baby and you feed expressed milk instead. So where/how are you planning to take care of THAT problem? Much more awkward to try to find a place to pump while out of the house!
And, in the experience of most women I know who breastfed, pumping was/is the bane of their existence. Nursing was lovely, pumping was a necessity that I went through in order to be able to be away from Sam for more than 30 minutes at a time (and yeah, he ate that often as an infant).
The more women who NIP, using a special cover or not, the more normal nursing becomes. So yeah, I have that in mind too. I'm not going to go to great lengths to hide how I feed my kid because some people are uncomfortable with the concept-I'm not doing anything wrong, so really, it isn't my problem. Kinda like I said earlier, it isn't my job to make people around me comfortable with every aspect of life. Taking care of myself and my kids is my job-and nursing, on demand, wherever that happens to be, is one of the ways I do that.
Whatever you're comfortable with.
I covered when out in public and in front of male relatives. I didn't bother to cover in front of females, female relatives or my hubby/in-laws, etc.
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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Just curious...unless you plan to formula feed, how do you plan to pull this off?
This exactly!
At home. My friend has a two year old and a 4 month old and has never nursed either of them in public.
It is my feeling that a bathroom is actually a really good indicator of how clean the place you are at is. The bathroom tends to be the most cleaned area in a restaurant, mall, etc. If the bathroom looks nasty, there's a really good chance that the whole place is nasty, so whether you are in a bathroom or on a chair in the public area, you are pretty much in the same level of cleanliness.
As for not eating meals in a bathroom, and I'm not flaming you, this tends to be a lot of people's arguments... Frankly, the baby has no idea whether they are in a bathroom, in the middle of Bloomingdales, or sitting at a table at a 5 star restaurant. It's not as though you are squeezing the milk onto the floor and your baby is licking it up from the tiles. Your child's "plate" is the same no matter where you are.
I am the furthest thing from prude, but there are things that I just don't think should be done in public.
Well, this may be fine for her. I like to get out of the house sometimes.
*I* know when *I* am in a bathroom. And I am not going to do anything in there that I don't feel comfortable doing just because someone else thinks that breastfeeding shouldn't be done in public. You do what you feel comfortable with, and I will do what I feel comfortable with.
Um I wasn't telling you what to do. I was saying what *I* will do. And for the record, she does leave her house sometimes.
Okay, that's fine. From my experience nursing DD, I think it is pretty difficult to do things outside of the home to the extent that I like to do without nursing in public sometimes. But to each their own.
Yeah I was about to say the same thing...how exactly do you expect to ever leave the house? It might work for your friends' kids, but how do you know what kind of feeder you'll have?
To each their own. I'd try to keep as much covered as I do in shirts I normally wear. My shirts show my chest, sometimes even some cleavage so I'm not going to freak if someone sees the top of my boob. They see it at the beach and store fronts and magazine covers everyday. And you're right, the nursing covers draw more attention and everyone stares at you. Especially if you're wearing a tank top and shorts in August but covered up top with a blanket.
I'm more concerned about someone seeing my flabby stomach while lifting up my shirts! That's where nursing tanks come in handy.
Um, yeah, Sam ate around every 30-45 minutes for MANY months as an infant. I would have been completely housebound. Seriously, this is one of those "just wait" things, as obnoxious as it is to be told that. I'm extremely modest-my friends like to use the word "prude" to describe me. But my kid needed to eat, and I wasn't going to stay home everyday, all day, nor was I going to retreat to a bathroom or even another room to sit by myself while everyone else got to socialize. Being a new mom is isolating enough without that added stress.
Your friends kids must not have been very hungry compared to Sam, IDK. But for us, it just wasn't realistic to NOT NIP outside our house, unless I was going to be a hermit.
Personally, I don't really like to leave the house much so I am not worried. And again I wasn't telling anyone what to do I was saying what I will do and before everyone told me it was impossible I was stating that I know for a fact it is possible.
I nursed DD1 for 22 months and used a cover MAYBE a handful of times. It was a PITA and she didn't like it so much that she would NOT latch on at all if it was over her. I don't blame her--I wouldn't want to eat with a blanket over my head either...and it screamed "look at me!" (and it was just plain white!). And FWIW, not one ounce of my boob was ever visible.
To those who have never nursed before and think nursing in bathroom stall will solve your NIP problem, don't be too sure of that. Your baby may not know that they are in a bathroom stall, but you will...and you may be uncomfortable, which in turn makes the baby uncomfortable and they may refuse to eat. I tried it once, at a restaurant, because the booth we sat at was too cramped...it was awful. I couldn't support DD right, she wouldn't latch on properly and we both got frustrated. Never again will I subject my baby to that.
I basically agree with everything here. It is perfectly natural but I agree that nursing mothers should have some consideration for others and make sure they are well covered if they are in a public place. Because lets face it, it does make some people uncomfortable and I am not of the opinion that these people should just "deal with it or leave." I would definitely treat them with the same respect I'd want to be treated with.
I personally am planning on breastfeeding, but I will also need to pump if possible, since I'll be returning to work after 6 weeks of maternity leave. So for me, I'll probably just bring a bottle of pumped milk with me if I go out. But that is just me, just one out of a million opinions, and on this subject, I don't think any of them are wrong.
That being said, I never had to BF in a restaurant. I BFed very often in a car, however, which made me more comfortable - also in a park. I also BFed at a local BF support group, which really helped me to feel more comfortable, and refine my "technique."
I don't think the correct answer is "whatever you're comfortable with." I think the correct answer is "whatever the people around you are comfortable with."
I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not comfortable if I know I'm making people around me uncomfortable. That said, if I had to feed my baby and there was someone near me who objected to any kind of breastfeeding, covered or not, it wouldn't stop me from feeding my baby. But if there is a chance I might embarrass someone and I can reasonably avoid it, I'm going to avoid it.
Agreed, what are you supposed to do, take a poll of everyone around you to see if they're comfortable?? So I think the correct answer is, whatever you and your baby are comfortable with. I don't go around judging moms for breastfeeding in public wherever they are. What is wrong with our society that people feel it's indecent and wrong to naturally feed your baby the way a woman's body was meant to do. Breasts are meant for breastfeeding, why do people not get it.
In response to the OP, personally I prefer to cover up for my own modesty and usually find a quiet place or corner. But never in a bathroom... tell me in what public bathroom is it comfortable or convenient to breastfeed?? In a gathering with friends, I wouldn't just start breastfeeding in front of them or anything like that. Again, my preference is to be somewhere quiet and private.
I think it's everyone's job to be considerate of the feelings of those around them. No, you can't poll everyone around you to see if they're comfortable. That's why I would always cover up unless I knew for a fact that no one near me would be embarrassed.