XP: About me freaking out....

PatchestheCat

I posted this on 1st Tri... but got advice to post it here so here it goes.....

 

Hi....

 

I used to be a big time knottie/nestie. I changed my name as to not be recognized... 

I was married in 06. I'm currently separated. I haven't been with my husband for about 3 years now but for some reason we haven't filed for divorce. I have a boyfriend who I live with. We've been together for almost 2 years.

I found out today that I am pregnant. I'm totally freaking out. I've been crying since I found out a few hours ago. I don't know what to do.

 I'm not in the best relationship in the world. He doesn't make much money and would have a hard time supporting a child. I'm a teacher so I make more than he does, but everyone knows that teachers aren't rich.....

I just calculated my due date and it would be right around my birthday. 

If I get an abortion I think I would just be really fucked up by looking at children born around when my child should have been born.... and I think it will make me totally depressed.... but at the same time I don't think I am ready for a baby. I'm in my early 30s. I keep thinking.... what if this is my only chance to have a baby.... Do I even want a baby? I thought I did when I married my husband... but now I don't even know....

 I can't stop crying. I saw the speck on the ultrasound today. That was weird. 

I can't believe this is happening! I rarely even have sex... I can't believe that the one time I did in weeks this happens....

I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and alone. I told my mom and my boyfriend. Both via phone. Mom is supportive in whatever I want to do but she won't give me any advice on what she thinks I should do. Boyfriend is at work, I called him on his break, he was kind of a jerk saying what is this my fault? He's angry that I told him on the phone instead of waiting til he got home at midnight tonight

 I know ultimately it is my decision but its so fucked up. I can't even fathom possibly needing to walk through the abortion clinic doors in the next couple weeks.... it freaks me out that that may become my reality.

I'm kinda just venting. I wish I knew what to do. I wish this was easier.

 

katie_cj

I had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend (at the time, he later became my fiance.)

We were both a little freaked and took a week to let it settle. We honestly just didn't talk about the pregnancy for a week. Then, when we both had time to think, we started making decisions. 

I wouldn't judge your boyfriend on his reaction quite yet. You probably caught him off guard at work, it was a knee jerk reaction. Obviously, it takes two to tango. I'm not saying he'll turn around, he definitely might not. But who knows, maybe he will.

There's basically three options, abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. I strongly urge you to seek some counseling to help you work through them. 

 ETA: And I strongly recommend seeing a lawyer and getting your divorce going. 

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achase123

Honestly from your post it doesn't sound like abortion is an option.  I'm sure you are freaking out and rightfully so.  Don't make any decisions yet.  Whether or not your relationship with BF works out you still can be a good mother.  Is adoption an option for you?  Please don't think that even if your circumstances are not the "norm" that you cannot bring a child into the world.