- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Trying to Get Pregnant
Patches08
member
Wedding (WWYD)
Patches08
member
Hey Ladies... WWYD..
I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding on Saturday. I've given my arm and leg to the bride, who is my childhood BFF. I'm exhausted trying to please her and her crazy family. My husband has been working nights this week and I haven't seen him since Sunday. This is a local wedding but bride wants all of the wedding party to stay at a hotel (about 20 minuets from my house - some bridesmaid/groomsmen are from OOT) on Friday night. DH has off Friday and I really just want to spend some time with him Friday evening. Plus AF showed up yesterday, so I just really want to be in my own bed. Am I being selfish? I want to call her and tell her that I'll be at the hotel at 8am for hair/make up. Would you be pissed if a bridesmaid did this to you? (All the girls are staying in 1 room, 5 of us total). I don't want to piss her off but at the same time she has been the crappiest friend to me during this wedding planning.
TIA for your opinions!
BM to Kenzie 9/1/04 --- Married 1/22/09 ---
Me 27 - DH 25 --- TTC our first since April 2010
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wedding (WWYD)
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
That's a tough call. If I wanted and all of my bridesmaids and I to have a "slumber party" the night before the wedding, I would be bummed if someone didn't want to come. I would totally understand if she gave me the reasons you just did, but I would still feel it wouldn't be the same. However, I wasn't a bridezilla. On the flipside, if I was a bridesmaid, I would totally want to stay with the girls. I don't have many opportunities to hang out with my gfs, so I would love to. Of course, if the bride was being awful, I probably really wouldn't want to, either. Especially with AF just showing up. As far as DH goes, as much as I'd miss him (mine works nights all the time), I'd think, "what's one more night". I would just suck it up and go, but that's just the kind of person I am. Also, sorry that you hafta have AF tagging along for your bridesmaid duties!
she can't require that you be there. She can want it, but can't make you do it.
Spend a nice evening with your DH. You'll be with her the entire next day anyway.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
I'd do this too, except I'd offer to bring mimosas!
I hate to say it, but I would go, even if I didn't want to.
Just think of what you are missing out on for your BFF's (hopefully ONLY) wedding. Not to mention, everything the other girls will be talking about from the night before the next day and for years to come - you will be in the dark and probably feel left out.
You have the rest of your life to spend with your husband. This is one night for one of the biggest events in your BFF's life. And even if she hasn't been so great during the wedding planning, she's probably just under a lot of stress - weddings are a pretty big deal, especially to the bride!
My husband skipped a 2 day bachelor party trip for his BFF several years ago because he didn't want to go, he wanted to spend time with me instead (even though I told him I was okay with it) - and though he wont admit it, I can see the regret in his face every time that group of friends reminisces about it.
Just something to think about..
Great suggestions, thanks girls. I will definitely offer the mimosas or maybe poinsettia's (champagne and cranberry juice). I feel a little bit better about calling her.
My DH has off work 2 weekends a month.. Bride wants everyone to take off work Friday (I just can't do, I'm SWAMPED at work, plus the wedding is 5 mins from my job), stay the night Friday, wedding is Saturday evening, stay at the hotel with her and her DH and then Sunday is "clean up day" at the wedding site. Umm.... some of us have lives outside of this wedding. Ugh. I'm going to be in good spirits on Saturday, but it's just frustrating right now.
Sorry, I'm venting. Been a long week and such a busy month. Sigh..
I disagree. My twin sister and cousin did not stay the night at my BFF's house with the rest of the girls for my "slumber party" and I was not upset and it didn't take away from the experience in any way. Sure, I would have enjoyed them being there, but they had traveled to get there and wanted a night in peace before the big day. We all went to the salon at the crack of dawn together and it worked out beautifully. No harm. No foul.
OP- If your friend is upset, then you can politely tell her that this is what you are doing and it is not up for disucssion. Brides really do not have infinite control of the comings and goings of the bridal party/guests/ the world around the wedding time, as much as some try to claim it. You also don't seem that terribly bothered if you do upset her. She sounds like she's been a handful!
Whoa whoa whoa. No. Sunday is HER clean-up day. Her party, her mess, her clean up. And you have to stay at the hotel on Saturday night beeeecause? That is completely unnecessary. She seems incredibly clingy.
I'm all for helping the bride (I'm MOH in 4 weeks and I offer to do anything) but that's a bit much to ask you to spend two unecessary nights in a hotel and clean up after. Brides get a day and the only duties of a bridesmaid are to buy a dress, walk down the aisle, and smile for pictures. Everything else is voluntary and icing on the cake.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
I can see your point. I was just thinking of my own wedding, where no one had to travel. We also didn't all spend the night together, and I was cool with that, it wasn't the plan, anyway. I was just imaging it as something I would have told my bridesmaids about pretty early on, a planned evening. I didn't ever have the chance as a child to have a sleepover or anything like that, so I guess if I were to plan something that way, it would mean a little more to me.
Hell no would I stay in the hotel.
Like you said...show up when they "need" you, but sleep at your own house.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
I would stay at home, it that's what you really want to do.
I had a similar situation when I was a bridesmaid a few months ago. I stayed home with DH, and brought coffee when I met up with them. She was pretty understanding about it.
I think this is perfect! I assume her main reason for wanting everyone there for the night is to keep tabs on people so no one goes missing or doesn't arrive at their appointed time in the morning. So definitely reassure her that you'll be there bright and early.
DD1 EDD 08/18/01, born 08/03/2001 ~ 9lbs 10oz, 21.5 in
DS1 EDD 4/30/2004, born 05/04/2004 ~ 10lbs, 22 in
mc 02/14/12 @ 5 weeks
DD2 EDD 12/25/12, born 12/30/12 ~ 10lbs 11oz, 21.25 in
mc 12/05/15 @ 12 weeks
Cautiously expecting 12/02/16
TTC since 8/09 . MC 1/15/10 @ 7w4d // 6/2/10 @ 8w2d
TTC with no menstrual cycle since 6/10, finally got one 8/25/11
Wow. My (unsolicited) opinion? Brides seriously overestimate the importance of their wedding in the lives of other people. If only they would put half as much energy into the actual marriage, instead of just the one day party, maybe there wouldn't be so much divorce in this country. We had our wedding 2 weeks ago. It was beautiful and very special and memorable for us. But I don't kid myself into thinking it mattered a great deal to anyone else. It wasn't life changing for any of them. We did all of the planning, paying, setting up and cleaning up ourselves. A few family and friends offered some help the few days beforehand, and we took some of them up on it and appreciated their help. But I wouldn't have asked anyone to do anything or expected anyone to do anything. I certainly wouldn't tell someone they had to take time off of work or stay at a specific location.
DD1 EDD 08/18/01, born 08/03/2001 ~ 9lbs 10oz, 21.5 in
DS1 EDD 4/30/2004, born 05/04/2004 ~ 10lbs, 22 in
mc 02/14/12 @ 5 weeks
DD2 EDD 12/25/12, born 12/30/12 ~ 10lbs 11oz, 21.25 in
mc 12/05/15 @ 12 weeks
Cautiously expecting 12/02/16
This! When I got married last Fall I would have totally understood if one of the girls said just that. GL!
I really hate statements like this. Caring about the wedding and caring about the marriage are not mutually exclusive. It's really very ass-hatty to assume fancy wedding/high maintenance bride = crappy marriage
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
All of the above! She has to respect how you feel. And since you have done so much for her, if she doesn't like your decision, she can suck it up. She will have plenty of company that night.
We ride, never worry 'bout the fall.....I guess thats just the cowbow in us all ~Tim McGraw
Well, we're in agreement then because I didn't make that assumption or say they were mutually exclusive.
I cared about my wedding just like any other bride does and I wouldn't begrudge any couple their special day, big or small. As I said, my wedding was beautiful and special to me. I wouldn't change a thing about it. My point was that some brides go overboard by thinking that everyone elses life also revolves around their big day. I do believe that if couples put as much time, research and energy into their marriage as they did to their wedding, it would be a great thing.
DD1 EDD 08/18/01, born 08/03/2001 ~ 9lbs 10oz, 21.5 in
DS1 EDD 4/30/2004, born 05/04/2004 ~ 10lbs, 22 in
mc 02/14/12 @ 5 weeks
DD2 EDD 12/25/12, born 12/30/12 ~ 10lbs 11oz, 21.25 in
mc 12/05/15 @ 12 weeks
Cautiously expecting 12/02/16
It was pretty much implied in the statement bolded above. You very clearly implied that more energy is put into the wedding than the marriage, which means to me that you think that someone who spends more time on their wedding therefore doesn't put effort into their marriage.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
I'd get those back... you might need them walking down the aisle.
I'd ask her how she feels about you staying home because you really aren't feeling great this week and you want to be top notch for her wedding. That lets her feel in charge while you still have the final say and also spins it to make it seem that you are really thinking of her wedding.
If she looks like she's about to say it will bother her, then cut in really quick with a question about the flowers or something and get her mind off of it and then maybe she won't end up answering the first question. Haha
Good luck!
I have to disagree with you. It isn't up to the bride. OP is a bride and a married woman. If she wants to sleep at home with her husband, that's HER choice.
If I was in the position, I'd stay at home too. However, if this bride didn't sound like such a hassle, I'd probably say "stay with her." But I have a hard time bending over backwards to make someone who makes my like difficult happy.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
I'm not disagreeing with you. I meant OP still has the final say (Safari won't let me bold that part, so I just shortened my quote). It's just an easier "out" for her in my opinion. Just a spin on words. Who knows - the bride might just say it wouldn't bother her. But by the sounds of things she would have a problem with it.
But I do agree; the bride cannot expect all of her bridesmaids to be available the night before the wedding as well.. and I personally would not go if I were OP.