Single and expectant with questions...

sashabear25

I am new to the blogs, but have garnered a lot of advice from reading some of these posts. I am an expectant single mom and just entered my third trimester. After months of no contact, the baby?s Dad just got in touch last night saying he wants to be involved in her life. (So glad men feel they are allowed the choice not to be involved.)  It?s giving me a lot of anxiety, as my mind has been set for months that he wouldn?t be involved, and I was okay with that, as he is really hard to deal with, and had been wanting to relocate to a different state to be closer to family. I only dated him briefly and although he is a nice guy, he has terrible anxiety and depression issues....and at one point even disclosed to me that he has some brain damage from trying to kill himself. Not exactly someone I am looking forward to having my baby around.

Regardless, for my daughter?s sake, I do want her to at least know her Dad. He told me that ultimately what I wanted was my decision and he will not fight me on anything. We are meeting this weekend to discuss some things. I?m not sure of his expectations, but want to be clear with mine.  Still formulating even where to begin...

I know there is still time until the baby comes, but wondering if it is unwise to try to come to an agreement without involving the courts? (I worry, courts would put an end to me being able to move.) And as far as visitation schedules go, what is reasonable in my situation? I definitely would not feel comfortable with the baby spending the night with him, and have read on other blogs that no overnights until they are 18 months is pretty normal. I?m not even comfortable with unsupervised visits until he?s been around her a bit.  I know every situation is different, but trying to just get an idea of what is reasonable for me to expect and propose to him.

 

Jeter1028

Sounds like we're dealing with some of the same issues - only I'm going thru a divorce.  I really don't know how much he will be a part of my baby's life either.  But like you, I do hope to be able to relocate some day and it scares me that because of him, I may never be able to....

I have no wonderful advice but wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this boat.

Ariana2O11

Hi, I relocated (about 8 hours away) pretty early in my separation. I just had to be closer to my friends and family and in my "hometown". The relocation happened before the divorce paperwork and child support paperwork started, so STBXH didn't have a chance to say anything or try to contest it.

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