Lurker finally posting - HELP!

CalisMom26

I have been lurking on the bump since I became pregnant (DD is now 7 weeks old). Finally decided to post due to the fact that I need some impartial responses on what to do.  

To make a VERY long story short, I am a single mom, never married, father of baby & I are no longer together.  After a big blowout where he and his mother tried to keep my infant daughter (4 weeks old at the the time and EBF) from me just so she could "sleepover" at his house (he lives about 130 miles away from me) police were called etc. We had no order for CS or visitation, etc at the time. Since I had "physical possession" of her at the time, the police let me leave and go home with her.  I went and got a lawyer 2 days later to start proceedings.  From what I see on our states court system website, he has not been served yet.  (I am from WI if that matters)

 

So my dilemma at this point is this.  He keeps texting and calling me. The last time we spoke (last Saturday) it turned into an argument.  He obviously has no clue I have filed on him yet.  He thinks we could just work this out with the two of us and no third party or court.  he is CRAZY!  After Saturdays argumentative phone call (where he demanded I pump out bottles so he could take her unsupervised for 8 hours to God knows where) I have been ignoring his calls and texts.

 

Do I keep ignoring him until he gets the papers and realizes whats up? If I talk to him and he asks to see her, what do I say?  According to my lawyer and the local police I do not have to let him see her until there is a court order to. I just want to avoid him because he is very manipulative.

 

A bit more background - he has epilepsy and in November of 2010 rolled and totaled his truck when he had a seizure. As of last time I saw him, he had a used carseat (have no idea how old it is) attached to a wooden platform he built  so it would fit in his truck. For those two reason ALONE I am petrified for him to drive her anywhere alone. Not to mention the fact he already tried to take her from me once.

 

Of course there is much more to the saga, but these are the cliffs notes. Sorry I don't fully know all of the codes and lingo you ladies use.

 

TIA! 

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CalisMom26

for the incident with the epilepsy he lost his license for 3 months, although he has it back now. He isnt threatening (yet) although texted me that if I did not talk to him to set up a time to let see his daughter (he always refers to her like a possession) I was interfering with his paternal rights.

sweetie0228

He has no parental rights until a judge says he does, even if he's on the BC.  You weren't married.  DO NOT TALK TO HIM OR ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM ALONE until a judge orders you.

CPA04

ITA with everything becca and sweetie said.

When I found out XH smelled of alcohol when picking up DS from daycare, I stopped letting him have him unsupervised until we had a CO in place.  I had several fights with him and his mother about it, hearing "B will resent you someday when he knows that you kept him away from his family."  I kept reminding myself that someday B will know that I did whatever it took to protect him from a potentially dangerous situation.

YOU are the only person that can protect your helpless LO.  Many of us know what it's like to deal with manipulators.  Don't give in!

maphelps22

Going through sorta the same thing. Was advised by the police to keep all threatening texts, block him from communicating (email, phone, facebook, etc) and let him know the consequences if he does not keep his space.

Since there is no CS or visitation set up, you are still in control. Still i would talk to your attorney. 

mommytoconnor

I would definately not allow him around your child, escpecially unsupervised.  I would tell him that you are her mother and until there is a court order for him to be allowed to see her, then he won't.  I would also explain to him that he will never transport your child with his medical condition and never with a "rigged" carseat.  Be sure to keep all the texts, messages, etc that he sends you in case you need it in court.  Also, if he continues to harrass you, call the police and your attorney.

CalisMom26

Thanks everyone for your advice!  The posting in regard to new single parents and the "rules" to live by was a big help also.  Especially about how being nice gets you nowhere.  He has been calling and texting all weekend, the last message practically begging me to let him see her. But this is after the a-hole email he sent me over the weekend. I am ignoring him still, until he gets served.  Hopefully that will be his wake up call.  As of right now, all of his legal advice appears to be coming from his friends or Google.