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Upstate NY Babies
TinyPinkBug
member
S/o Kids out to eat.
TinyPinkBug
member
My kids are totally crazy when we go out to eat or to the store, well mostly totally crazy there ar exceptions. DH and I have desagreed on this topic, he says never take them out and if we do, when they act up, leave. I say take them out on occassion but NOT leave because it would be giving them their way and to correct their behavior. So, I ask the social worker who, supposedly, comes to help me deal with Tyler how we should handle problems in public. She said DON'T take them out :-( She said it isn't age appropiate for any child to be expected to sit quietly through dinner or shopping. Uhg. I have no intension of keeping my kids in a bubble. This lady has been coming for one hour each week since the begining of summer and has pretty much been useless. She offers lots of praise for the things I do, very little suggestions for dealing with the negative behaviors other than charts and rewards. There are no other options for aving someone else come or anything, it is very unusual to be able to recieve this service for the school district.
Then to top it off, Tyler's new teacher isn't making me all warm and fuzzy either. About 2 weeks before school started she called me, it was bad timing so she said she would call back. She never called me back. First day of school I tried to talk with her briefly, she just quickly brushed me off and said they know Tyler. When I drop Ty off, she is in the hall getting another kid off the bus and in to school and she seems to go out of her way to completely avoid contact with me, probably other parents too, most kids take the bus. On Monday, Ty had a terrible time on the bus so I checked in real quick to let her know he screamed the entire way home. She just told me, very assertively, that she reads him his social story about the bus and tells him that he will ALWAYS. ALWAYS take the bus. That I will never pick him up. Well, sometimes I do, and have because there is a need and it sets him back so I have told him only on special occassions. She said, exactly, "Yeah, that confuses him. Don't do that. Thanks." and walked away :-( And that is about all the contact we have had. He also has new OTs and STs which I haven't met yet. They don't do parent/teacher conferance until November and the open house is very structured so there is no chit-chat between staff and parents. There was a lot of hype about how wonderful she would be for Tyler and a lot of effort put forth to get him in th right classroom environment so he will be ready for K in the fall. I'm just not feeling it.
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Re: S/o Kids out to eat.
When out dining and they act out can you just take them outside, walk, etc until they calm down? This way you've removed them from the situation until they calm but they aren't being taught to act up in order to leave all together. Sorry, we aren't at that point yet although it's probably just a matter of time before DD throws a major fit in a restaurant.
I'm sorry to hear about Tyler's school situation. Is there any chance you can try to schedule a teacher/parent conference so you have dedicated time to sit down and discuss your concerns?
I hope Ty's school situation gets better.
As far as eating out...dd is actually really good. Usually we don't buy her her own meal, but just give her pieces of ours. And then I will buy an extra side of something and ask that that gets brought out asap so that she is not without food for long.
Once though we went out to eat with our neighbors who have a son a year older than dd. And she was absolutely horrible. Neither DH or I even knew what to do bc she is never like that out. Part of it was they had cancelled earlier that day, so I had already started to feed dd at home so she wasn't super hungry while we were there. But a big part was that her friend was there with her. She was like on crack yelling and bouncing around (they gave us a booster bc they were out of high chairs which was another fail). She kept yelling "No No Ma Ma" over and over again and laughing hysterically, it was pretty embarassing. We haven't gone out to eat with them since haha. But maybe the fact you have 2 kids makes it worse. Like they feed off of each other and hype each other up.
This is totally the case, and always. They are developmentally the same age when it comes to emotions and self control, both toddlers. I took Tyler to Olive Garden last weekend, just he and I, and he was the BEST kid ever. He sat, he didn't speak loudly, I remember thinking that if DH saw it, he would ask why our kid can't be like that. I am more put off that the social worker's reaction to eating out was just don't take them because sitting in a restaurant isn't age appropiate for a 2 or 4 yr old.
I take Charlotte out with me shopping and to restaurants and I hope that by having her used to it as a little baby that she will come to see what is expected and how we behave when we are sitting at the table etc. It is a pretty big blanket statement to just say, "No it is isn't appropriate for them to eat at a restaurant so don't ever go out with them." Can you try and start someplace small, like maybe a Panera? I can imagine that Ty was a little tougher as a baby and then with two little ones it was crazy to try and get out with them, so it probably isn't something they are super familiar with. Right now, we just bring a couple snacks with us if we go out to "hold her over" until food gets to the table. But maybe if you talked to them before to just let them know what you expect? And maybe sit one next to you adn one across? I know Ty has more issues that make it difficult, but I would just try to start small and see how it goes, go early when a place wouldn't be crowded and choose someplace where you will get the food quickly and can make a quick exit if need be. Of course, this is me as the mom of one very easy-going LO trying to think of solutions - talk to me in a few months, with an infant and a toddler, I guess.
I took/take L everywhere and sometimes hes an angel and sometimes - not so much...I try to order and get something quick for him- if we dont do that- I will order then maybe walk with him before the meal comes..(this has just started NOT to work- because now he wants to keep walking and not return to the table)
Ive asked for lots of opinions from family who have older kids and stuff and they say its a phase- and kids grow into being able to sit at a restaurant...and it doesnt matter if they went as babies/toddlers or not...
I personally think you take them until you dont want to deal with it- then you get a sitter for a while or do go out then when they are a little older- you take them again...
First, what the SW told you was ridiculous. It is not realistic to not take your children shopping or out to eat. It is a natural part of being in a community. Is this the SW assigned to Ty's classroom or does she just happen to be on the county provider list and had availability. Are there goals on Ty's IEP that are specifically for the home social work services? I would talk with your CPSE chair and let him/her know that the relationship is not working and you'd like another SW, or maybe even SEIT to address the home issues. In our county, it's common to see SEIT services in addition to a program for various reasons, some of which that parents would like assistance in carrying over what's going on in school to the home.
As for the teacher - is there any chance that you could schedule a conference with her? At least if you can talk face to face without distractions and get on the same page with each other, then things will start working out better. Maybe his previous teachers are right and this would be a good fit for him once the school routine really kicks in. In the meantime, are there any of his previous teachers you could talk to to get some insight? Maybe they could act as advocates for you and Ty with the new teacher.
Good luck. I really understand how frustrating it can all be, especially when I see you trying so hard and things aren't working. Hang in there and keep fighting!
IMO, kids have to learn and the only way to do it is to experience it. Evan was so good to take out, and then we had the baby, did not go out for a couple months and the first few times out to a restaurant were a little rough, but now it is fine. We picked very family friendly places, so that people (and the servers) were great. Some places we have gone that have been great are: Stella's, Steak and Sundae, Panera & Moe's (for the quick exit if needed, but it has not been).
Sorry about the teacher being so dismissive. Maybe she is just overwhelmed with the beginning of the schoolyear. Maybe you can set up a meeting with her.
Agreed! I would never just walk into a place and expect that Liam is going to sit and be a perfect little angel the entire time, and lately he has been anything BUT that when we go out. However, that doesn't mean that we are going to stop. He needs to learn what is right and what is wrong when we go out to eat.
We stay within the limits of our kids - and try to push the limits here and there as much as we feel like. We haven't gone out to eat since Evan started exploring..and just would not sit down. I don't yell/force my kids to do stuff in public. I just don't. So we scold them up to a point and if it becomes insane we leave. But we try here and there.
What people need to realize is that kids are different. It has absolutely nothing to do with parenting - although I'm sure these parents with kids that are great to take out to eat would love to take the credit....it is ALL having to do with your kid. Sorry. We discipline the same amount that others do - and I'm not going to discipline more severly to get my kid to behave the same way. Him not sitting at applebees is the least of my concerns right now.