123 Magic Discipline....

grace_smith03

Hey, all!  Anyone use this technique? Pros, cons?  I'm reading the book so far where it says to give the child a time-out...her room really isn't an option, as she would LOVE that.  I think sitting on a chair would be appropriate, but how to keep her on it? 

 thanks in advance!

groovygrl

I use it & they're starting to get it but it takes awhile (at least at the around 2 yrs old age, I started around 22 months maybe and the first couple months were tough, they're 25 months now). I put them on a bottom step & I actually have to physically hold them there much of the time but I do it b/c I need something to sink in, they play off each other & can get really crazy & I was starting to feel really out of control with discipline. If we're upstairs I have an area in the hallway where they sit...and honestly, when it gets really bad they go in each others' cribs, which really pisses them off (since you're not supposed to use their own crib or whatever). 

I often have to say - 'that's 2...do you want to go in time out?' and they say- noooo...and I say, well then, (get off the coffee table, stop jumping on the couch, give your sister her toy back, etc). Now that seems to curb the behaviors more, but like I said, it took awhile & a lot of time outs, and I still can't just say 'That's 2' and expect it to end. They're still young though. 

Oh & I started using a digital timer for the time outs in the last couple weeks nad telling htem they can't get up until the timer says beepbeepbeep and they are starting to understand that now too, which is helpful, except they want to grab at it & stuff (and then end up pushing buttons).

GL! 

DarcyLongfellow

I use it and like it.  All my therapist friends recommend it.

One part of it that I disagree with is not discussing the time out.  I agree that you shouldn't have a big conversation before the time out, but I think discussing it afterwards is important (and sometimes more of a punishment!).  After time out is over, I ask my DD why she went to time out.  If she can't tell me, then I repeat (in very simple terms) what household rule she broke ("You stood up in your chair.  That's very dangerous.  We sit in our chair -- can you tell me what we do in our chair?").  I also have her apologize afterwards -- to her friend if she was grabbing toys, to the dogs if she did something to them, sometimes to me or DH.

We started time outs sometime between 18 months and 2 years.  I had planned on doing time outs on our stairs, but she LOVES the stairs, so I decided not to do that.  Instead I do them on a chair in the dining room.  It works out well -- it's not a room we use often, plus most of the friends' houses we go to have a dining room that isn't used much so we can use that for time outs there and it helps with consistency.

When we first started she couldn't understand sitting in a chair without getting up, so I put her in my lap (facing away from me), held my arms over her to keep her there, and made her stay that way for a minute or so.

Then I progressed to just her sitting in the chair, but me squatting in front of her to keep her there.  Now I can just tell her to go to time out, and she'll climb up on the chair.  She still tries to talk to me the whole time ("mommy -- what are you doing over there?  Mommy?  Mommy?"), but that's fine with me.  I only restart her time if she gets up.  (I just count to 100 in my head to estimate 2 minutes.  I may use a timer as she gets older -- now it would just be a fun toy.)

She does understand, "That's one, that's two.  Abigail, that's three -- time out."  I'll usually give her a warning before I start the counting, though.  Just to remind her of the household rules.  If I see her hitting the fish tank, I'll say, "Abigail, that scares the fishes when you hit the tank.  If you keep doing that you're going to have to go to time out."  If she does it again, then I start the counting.  Then after time out she has to apologize to the fish

One thing I will say -- sometimes DD acts like she kind of enjoys time out.  If I give her a warning, sometimes she'll gleefully tell me, "time out!" and run to the dining room.  So far I'm not worrying about this -- I don't do time outs as a punishment, I do them as a technique for teaching what behaviors are not allowed.  As long as she knows that I don't want her to do the behaviors that lead to time out (and she does understand the connection), then I'm fine if she thinks time out is just a fun trip to the dining room.

grace_smith03

Ladies, thanks so much for the excellent advice and feedback.   It's greatly appreciated.