Anyone else's parents hate each other?

mmarsac

My parents hate each other.  They divorced 7 years ago, and they are still fighting.  They have both decided to stop communicating with each other which works for them, but not for me or my sister.  I mean, they both want to see us when we come to town.  My Mom sees way more of us because we stay with her, and she helps me with the baby, has all the baby gear (crib, car seat base, high chair, etc.).  My Dad doesn't have a place for us to stay, and he actually told me today that he would pay for a hotel room so that he didn't have to pick my daughter and I up from my Mom's when we are in town.  I told him that was ridiculous.  

It's frustrating because I would like for them to both be part of my baby's life.  We aren't in town very much, and every time we come is miserable because my parents are fighting over who gets to see us more.  They are nasty to each other at all family functions, and things are so tense that it makes whatever function we are at miserable.  Does anyone else have this problem?  How do you handle it?  It's driving me crazy! 

 

folkfemme

Sorry you are going through that. My parents HATE each other. It's been this way since I was 5, so I'm sort of used to their loathing. They have gotten better since my sisters and I have started our own families, but I know where you are coming from.

Luckily my parents live 12 hours apart, and it's rare that I am ever in the same place with both of them, together. When my LO was born, my dad came over for supper while my mom was here visiting. They didn't talk much, but they didn't fight either. I think my baby reminded them that they used to love one another and that this is something they share together. 

Good Luck! 

shuaytos

My dad is not in my life so I don't have the same problem but my mom is always fighting with some family memeber and expects me to exclude them from holiday's and get togethers when she is having an issue. A few years back I told her I was unwilling to be in the middle of her fights. You can't make their issues your issues. I invite who ever I want and if my mom or anyone else doesn't come is their problem. My mom hasn't been to my house for Christmas for the past three years and this year will be the fourth. I hate it but I can't alter my life for her, it's way to stressful. I know it's not the same situation but you could always sit them down and tell them how stressful it is for you and how much you love both of them and tell them you  just can't take on their issues. Good luck to you. It's so unfortunate that two people who once loved each other and created life together can hate each other so much. Sucks!

Snapdragon750

Yes.  My wedding was the first time my dad has willingly been in the same room with my mom in maybe 15 years.  But he was nice to her then!  I don't have the same problems you do because they both visit me at different times, and they live in different cities half the country away from me, so I haven't gone to visit either of them and if I did it would be at different times.Didn't you think all of this divorce drama would have been over by now?  Good luck.  I feel for you.  I don't know what to tell you except to play the quiet game on them and say that you'll spend more time with whichever one of them stresses you out less (I don't actually advise this...or do I?).

Sweet Sadie Mae

Wow I can't believe you posted this. I am going through something similar! My mom and dad divorced when I was 7 and I always saw it for the better. They are happier apart. My mom to this day cannot stand my dad. It's been hard since LO came and having to have them together at events. Awkward!

Anyway My mom remarried when I was 15, I'm 30 now. Now my mom has been saying how unhappy she is and that she wants to take her dog and leave. It's breaking my heart because my step dad is an amazing man and I love him like a 2nd father. I don't want to see either of them unhappy and I think they might both be unhappy. At first I blamed menopause but I'm starting to see signs that maybe my step dad isn't happy either. My mom just cannot stand his family and since his parents died he and his brothers have become an inseparable unit. I was going to tell her to just distance herself from them but that's like not loving a part of the man you married and it's only going to cause tension. I really think I'm going to witness another divorce soon and this time it seems like it's going to be harder than when I was 7.

SouthFloridaMommy

My parents HATE each other.  They divorced over 20 years ago, but can't say one nice thing about each other.  They can agree on nothing.  My dad isn't in my life right now, so I don't have issues with them over my LOs, but my mom still can't leave it alone.  Thank goodness I don't have to deal with them fighting over my DDs.

aggiewife22

My H's parents hate eachother and his mom is really clingy (I love the woman but she's a stage 5 clinger). His dad is pretty laid back but trashes H's mom every chance he gets. They live in AL and we live in WA state so we don't get to see them very often. The first time we went to AL as a couple was awful. We stayed with my FIL and my MIL was upset about it the whole time. Now we stay with her since we have the kids (more room) and she still complains when we make plans with my FIL even though she sees us twice as much. It bothers me way more than it bothers DH but it got so bad that he had to talk to his mom. He just told her that we were going to make our own plans and we would designate a night or day to spend with each of them but the rest of the time we would be going back and forth. If she had a problem with that then she needed to keep it to herself. If she couldn't do that then we wouldn't be spending very much time with her. She still pouts quite a bit but she realizes when she's doing it and quits right away. GL!

nycdueinmay

My parents are divorced and remarried to other people, and DH's parents are divorced and remarried to other people. The kicker? They ALL live in the same town. So yeah, I am totally with you with all the chirping about not having enough time with us or LO. With us, we go home for a week and every single meal is delegated to some family. Ugh, we come back exhausted after being run all over town.

I slightly mediate between my parents still and try to remind them that not having a lot of time when me when I come home was an unforunately consequence of getting divorced from my other parent. It isn't MY fault, or DH's fault or DD's fault that we have to run around like idiots to see everyone, only to have everyone unhappy that they didn't get enough time with us. I would just try to remain calm and neutral and continue to impress that if they can't be civil and help you see all of them (say, by having joint events or just generally not talking shiz about the other, etc) then you can't spend as much time with them.

It sucks, I know, and it isn't fair to your DD, but we are all adults! Sometimes it sucks to be more mature than your parents and tell them to STFU and get over it! I know I had to...

mmarsac

Aggiewife22:

My H's parents hate eachother and his mom is really clingy (I love the woman but she's a stage 5 clinger). His dad is pretty laid back but trashes H's mom every chance he gets. They live in AL and we live in WA state so we don't get to see them very often. The first time we went to AL as a couple was awful. We stayed with my FIL and my MIL was upset about it the whole time. Now we stay with her since we have the kids (more room) and she still complains when we make plans with my FIL even though she sees us twice as much. It bothers me way more than it bothers DH but it got so bad that he had to talk to his mom. He just told her that we were going to make our own plans and we would designate a night or day to spend with each of them but the rest of the time we would be going back and forth. If she had a problem with that then she needed to keep it to herself. If she couldn't do that then we wouldn't be spending very much time with her. She still pouts quite a bit but she realizes when she's doing it and quits right away. GL!

We have the same situation exactly, except that they are my parents.  My husband thinks my whole family is nuts.  I think he might be right.