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March 2012 Moms
Moandsweetpea
member
Name dilemma (long)
Moandsweetpea
member
MH and I are going the route of Team Green. When it comes to girl names it's no big deal we completely agree on both the first and middle name, but when it comes to boy names...that's another story. My husband has had in his mind for years that he wanted to name is first son after his great grandfather. I think this is sweet, but I'm not wild about the name. It's not a bad name, I just am not wild about it and wouldn't have picked it out. MH doesn't seem to be open to discussion of names, he keeps saying we've got it figured out he picked his great grandfather's name for the first name and I like my grandfather's name for the middle name. A few years ago when we talked about names I had sort of agreed to end the discussion thinking that by the time we had kids he'd be open to looking at other names. NOT THE CASE! He gets pretty touchy about it and thinks the only reason I don't like it is because he had it in his mind for a long time. My problem is I don't really care for the name AND we aren't coming up with names together, he just thinks I should let it slide because I should know how important it is to him.
To make matters more complicated, my boss just had a little boy and named his son the very name my MH is dead set on. He doesn't care since he says our kids wont' play together, and I won't work here forever, but to me it's just weird and another reason to reconsider. I would feel really strange announcing 6 months later that I picked the same name.
Granted all my fears could be for nothing if we end up having a girl, but since we won't know that until the day of, I'm trying to figure out how to get him to open up to other ideas...
Any suggestions?
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Re: Name dilemma (long)
I think it depends on the name. If it's something truly horrendous (which it doesn't seem to be) you could go the "but kids will make fun of him" route. Or maybe the name will grow on you with time. I wouldn't name my child something I really hated, regardless of a family connection or how strongly my husband felt about it.
What's the name?
Pray that it's a girl! That's what I'm doing.
DH is such a baby when it comes to boy names he's so stubborn and won't bend at all this time around. He needs to understand that you need to compromise and that, though he's always wanted to name his son ______, you've always looked forward to coming up with a name together. You guys [he] need to compromise, he's acting like a 5 year old.
The baby is already going to have his (maybe his grandfather's) last name, maybe you could give this name as a middle name?
That's really frustrating. I'd break it down for him this way: 1) his family name is getting passed down regardless (assuming your LO will have his last name), and 2) you're the one going through all the pain, morning sickness, making sacrifices, and giving birth to the child - you get at least as much of a say in the name as he does, if not more.
What's the name?
I think it has to be a mutual desicion. Can you go double duty on the middle names and put his name pick as the first middle name?
It would be helpful to know the name in question. If he's dead-set on using the name as a first name - why not use it legally, but see if he'll agree to use another name as the every-day nickname.
I think it's important to recognize how important this is to your DH, but your DH should also recognize that this is your decision too, and you should have input on things that are important to said child.
Simply put, he cannot say "this is the name - end of discussion" I'm sorry but the child is BOTH of yours and the decision is as well.
My husband's family does the "pass the father's name down" thing. His dad is Thomas A, he is Thomas B and I was "informed" that Thomas Christopher was a good option for MY son to be Thomas C.
Um no, the buck stops here people. My vagina, my DNA, my kid, my opinion counts. If you don't agree with the name but your foot down. I did. This little boy will NOT be Thomas Christopher. (not that I hate that name but I refuse to copy & paste his identity!)
I agree that it is difficult to weigh in without knowing the name. Names are such an emotional topic. Your DH needs to understand that you have a say as well. I do have a girlfriend who lost her grandfather just before her baby was due, so she requested that be his first name, and the middle name was selected by her DH. Although that worked for them, it is important to make the decision as a couple.
I do kind of agree with your DH that who cares if your boss just used the name.
BFP #2 7/18/11 - EDD 3/29/12 - Born 3/13/12
BFP #1 4/4/11 - Natural M/C - 7w1d - 4/30/11
Sorry all, I should have added the name. It's not weird by any means (Samuel). I'm just not wild about it, and I wanted to pick it out together. So if we go with the name and use my grandfather's name it would be Samuel Rex. I told him jokingly that I would call him Rex. I could see the name growing on me, but I'm still irritated that I wasn't really part of the processes in deciding. A while back he asked me what I would think if the middle name was his dad's name and I just laughed at him. Fortunately he knew that was a stretch, I said no way in hell he was getting all 3 names when I'm doing all the work.
So now that you know the name, what do you think about my boss just having named his son this? It's a small office 5 of us upstairs (including boss) and about 10-15 downstairs...
Maybe it's totally ridiculous of me but I do feel weird, especially since our babies are only going to be about 7 months apart, its not like he as an older kid named this, it was their first child too.
Again, I know I might be putting the cart before the horse, if we do end up having a girl, but I can't help but think of the possibilities...
Oh and thanks for all your responses!! I really appreciate it.
We couldn't agree on girl names until recently we have finally have one. He didn't like my names and I didn't like his.
We had to find a common ground, it's our baby. I don't think it's fair for YH to just insist on using a name due to the sentiment. Worse case, you can pull your I'm carryign the child card so I get final say. Hopefully, he will want for you guys to pick out names together as a couple and he will understand that point.
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Thanks everyone! Samuel is not a bad name by any means, just not what I was thinking of. I have tried suggesting it as a middle name, but it doesn't seem to go over well. He said if I come up with a name he likes better then that would work, but I know he's stubborn and won't like anything better.
I'm hoping he'll loosen up on this a bit. In the end if it's Samuel Rex, it won't be the end of my world, I just wish he was more open.
I know I won't work here forever, but MH isn't the one who has to deal with it either. I just know I'd get a ration of *** from the guys downstairs about it. And that's annoying.
I don't think it would be a big deal if you and your boss' son had the same name. You'd have a reason for naming your child that (family name) that you could easily explain to your boss. I do agree it's important to pick a name together but I understand having a pull on a family name for what may be important reasons to your husband. What about using it for the middle name and coming up with a name you both like for the first name?
I don't like the idea of pulling the I'm carrying the baby card. Honestly, I think that sounds kinda childish and will just turn the situation so that now your husband will be feeling like you are with him stomping his foot about naming him after his great grandfather.
Do you plan to have more children? You could agree to switch off who gets to choose the family name. We did that with our girls and this one. The middle name is a family name (first name is one we pick together that we like). I picked the first one (although DH had to like it, and he picked the 2nd which I had to like). This time if it's a boy, we've agreed to use his father's name because of family tradition but if it's a girl it will be my family name choice.
I think Samuel is a fine name, and I don't think it's weird at all to use the same name your boss did. But, I would definitely not be happy if my DH picked a name and insisted that we use it. I think it's one thing if your husband has a soft spot for this name and wants to keep it on the maybe list, as long as he's open to other options, but it sounds like he's being pretty stubborn. It is BOTH of your child, and you both deserve to be happy and excited about the name. I LOVE my grandma's middle name and always wanted to use it for a girl, but my husband isn't overly excited about it. It would break my heart for me to name my child that and know he wasn't really happy with it.
Maybe if you suggest that you'll agree to keep thinking about it, but he has to agree to consider some alternatives. Maybe you'll find something else that you both love and you can use Samuel as a middle name, or maybe you'll start to really like the name. Good luck, I hope you figure something else out. Or have a girl ;-)
This is what I'm hoping for, just that he is able to consider alternative. He is a great guy, but being stubborn at times is one of his downfalls.
It's hard to explain, but I think he believes that I'm only shooting it down because he thought of it "without me". He gets so overworked about this that I just want to laugh sometimes! Most of the time we do great compromising, but baby boy names and paint colors are our trouble spots. You should have seen the rigmarole I had to go through choosing paint colors with him at our last house...and he's color blind!!
Haha that sounds not fun at all! My DH is kind of the opposite, he doesn't usually have very strong opinions and just lets me pick whatever I want. Usually that is awesome, but sometimes it's frustrating because I want something we BOTH like, and I don't always want to have to pick what we have for dinner and every other decision we make. One thing we agreed on is not to really think about names until we know if it's a boy or girl. We just rent so we haven't had to deal with any decorating or paint colors, wish me luch on that one when the time comes!