How soon did you have visitors?

Mrs.NGM

I'm not a huge fan of having people waiting around at the hospital while I'm giving birth.  My parents live 2 hours away and they're totally fine with that since they wouldn't necessarily be able to rush over regardless....still need to talk to DH's parents.  They live all of 10 minutes from the hospital, so I don't see why they would even want to hang out there.

How soon after delivering did you welcome visitors at the hospital?  I would ideally like to be out of recovery and not loopy from drugs (if I have a c-section).  In-laws are very antsy people though and will want to be there immediately.  DH and I would like to have some private time alone with the girls first though.  I'm not sure how to convey this to them.  I'm talking an hour or two (once I'm feeling decent), not days or anything. 

jenn_darrin1515

My parents and DH's sister and husband (b/c ILs live a plane ride away) came I *think* 2 hours or so after my c-section...I was so out of it I hardly remember their visit...the only thing I wanted was to be the first (after dh) to hold the girls (which I was)...and even tho I would have preferred a longer wait for everyone, I think it was good for dh to share his excitment with our families since I was so out of it...

Temp6313048411121614

We had to leave for the hospital around 5:00am (for my c/s at 7:30).  IL's came over to stay with DS1 so we wouldn't have to wake him.  We told them we would call them when we were ready for them to bring him up (which was about 2 hours or so after getting into our room).  Just tell them that you'll call them when you're ready for them to come up.  If they're at the hospital, ask the nurses to keep them out for the first hour or two (or however long you want).  Your IL's don't need to know that you said you don't want them in there, as far as they'll know it's policy to keep all visitors out for the first ______ hours.  GL.

E&RMommy

My parents were at the hospital before my c-section.  They saw the babies with DH in the nursery while I was getting stitched up.  They were in our room when I recovered (I demanded to be recovered in my room with the babies).

They stayed for maybe an hour or 2 after the babies were born and then left us and came back the next 3 days for visits.

I had a ton of non family visitors because I worked in the L&D where I delivered.  It was exhausting and we started turning people away.

 

Mrs.NGM

That's a good tip about using the nurses to keep visitors at bay!  I would probably be a lot more open to having the in-laws there sooner if they treated me less like an incubator.  My parents have been concerned the entire time about my health as well as the girls'.  In-laws only tend to care about the girls and any time my DH mentions something going on with me we get the same flippant response of, what does she expect with pregnancy.  (because PUPPP is so much fun and carrying two babies is so similar to carrying one....)

McGibbon51311

Do you have a birthing coach? I haven't had kids yet, but I have the same feelings as you towards having visitors in the hospital. My coach said not to worry, that she will take care of family and visitors and make sure that me and the babies (along with MH) get the time we need to be together after birth. 

MontyMrs

I had about an hour with just DH and the babies, I called my sister from recovery and she had just driven past the hospital on her way to work. It took her just a little while to get to us.  

My MIL was there about an hour or two later once I was transferred to my room.  If I were you, I'd call your parents when you're settled into recovery and everyone else once you get to your room.  Don't call anyone on the way to the hospital.

mmoravec

I told all of our families that I didn't think it was appropriate having them at the hospital considering the boys were born in March right when there was a big batch of flu going around.  I told them once the babies came home from the hospital we would let them know when it was ok to come over.  Luckily none of our family lives in the same town as we do, so that made it a little easier.  My ILs came over when the boys were 2 weeks old, which was 1 week after they got out of the hospital and my parents came when they were 3 weeks old.  We didn't take them anywhere except the Dr prior to them being 6 weeks old.  By then the weather was getting a little warmer, above freezing, and the flu was past.  I was also very strict about everyone washing their hands before holding them and not coming over if they had the slightest cough or runny nose.  No way I was going to have my babies re-admitted to the hospital for some respiratory infection that they got from a visitor.  This also gave us time to get a little more comfortable at home and try to get a little rest before everyone bombarded our house.  I also did not tell anyone when I was going in and had the hospital list me as restricted, so that if anyone called they couldn't tell that I was there.

CJ71903

I had similar concerns to you.  I wanted private time with just DH and I and the Babies.  It all worked out though because no one came until the late morning/early afternoon the day after I had them.  People really seemed to respect our wanting some alone time.

atc282

I'd personally ask your DH to take care of the IL visiting situation. Sounds like you aren't too comfortable with them being there right away (understandably!) so I'd have him tell them when to come. That way, it's decided in advance and you can allot yourselves as much time as you prefer alone with your DDs.

I was induced so once the contractions got rolling, I called my parents (who lived near at the time) and had them visit. They left and came back when the dr. said we'd be converting to a c/s. I was actually glad to have my mom and brother visit and report to me how the girls were doing while I was recovering. 

DH's family didn't come until 2 days later (last day at the hospital). They live a few hours away and I appreciated that it wasn't overcrowded at any time.

GL!

hunt2005

I had a visitor that afternoon, but my mom flew in the next day. With my son we had the same rule that the first day was for us. The last thing I would want would be for other family to hold/see my babies first like they would have since they went to the NICU

Mrs.NGM

Thanks for all the good tips!  Yes, it's really my in-laws that I don't want there immediately.  No one is going to be there visiting me before the babies are born, that DH and I have already decided on.  My parents are completely respectful of our wishes and said to just call when we're ready for them to visit, but DH's parents tend to have fits about things if they don't go their way.

Slightly off topic.....Just yesterday, DH casually mentioned to them that once we have the girls, we hope to have every Sunday as a family day just for the four of us.  FIL says, well what if I want to come over and visit?  DH tells him to come over Saturday or any other day for that matter.  FIL is now grumpy about this. 

MrsLnt

Mrs.NGM:

Thanks for all the good tips!  Yes, it's really my in-laws that I don't want there immediately.  No one is going to be there visiting me before the babies are born, that DH and I have already decided on.  My parents are completely respectful of our wishes and said to just call when we're ready for them to visit, but DH's parents tend to have fits about things if they don't go their way.

Slightly off topic.....Just yesterday, DH casually mentioned to them that once we have the girls, we hope to have every Sunday as a family day just for the four of us.  FIL says, well what if I want to come over and visit?  DH tells him to come over Saturday or any other day for that matter.  FIL is now grumpy about this. 

My ILs still haven't gotten the point that if they want to see us, it's on our babies' schedule, not theirs. Yet they will whine about not seeing us enough...

My mom and ILs were there the day of my c-section, and I was fine with having them there that day.  The next day my aunt and two cousins (that are like little sisters to me) came by.  The day after that, my 3 close girlfriends stopped by.  I delivered in a hospital about an hour away from where DH and I grew up so that kept a lot of random people from dropping in to see us. 

We had a lot of people meet us the day we came home but they were gone within a few hours.  Also my mom set up for it and cleaned up.  The next day ILs brought DH's grandmother by (she couldn't come the day prior because of a hair appointment  ) and it was too much.  After our first night home with no help I was not up for entertaining. 

Temp6313048411121614

Mrs.NGM:

Thanks for all the good tips!  Yes, it's really my in-laws that I don't want there immediately.  No one is going to be there visiting me before the babies are born, that DH and I have already decided on.  My parents are completely respectful of our wishes and said to just call when we're ready for them to visit, but DH's parents tend to have fits about things if they don't go their way.

Slightly off topic.....Just yesterday, DH casually mentioned to them that once we have the girls, we hope to have every Sunday as a family day just for the four of us.  FIL says, well what if I want to come over and visit?  DH tells him to come over Saturday or any other day for that matter.  FIL is now grumpy about this. 

Wow, someone sounds like he has entitlement issues.  Just curious, but did your DH just roll over for them until recently?  Just sounds like they're not used to hearing "no".

Jen0204

Mrs.NGM:

Thanks for all the good tips!  Yes, it's really my in-laws that I don't want there immediately.  No one is going to be there visiting me before the babies are born, that DH and I have already decided on.  My parents are completely respectful of our wishes and said to just call when we're ready for them to visit, but DH's parents tend to have fits about things if they don't go their way.

Slightly off topic.....Just yesterday, DH casually mentioned to them that once we have the girls, we hope to have every Sunday as a family day just for the four of us.  FIL says, well what if I want to come over and visit?  DH tells him to come over Saturday or any other day for that matter.  FIL is now grumpy about this. 

It's amazing to me how our parents get worked up over stuff like this before the kids are even here.  I don't even know how we got on the topic, but I was talking to my parents about how we'd like to take the twins to Disney when they're 4 or 5 and my dad said "well we'll probably take them sooner".  I said to him that he and my mom and whoever else wants to are more then welcome to join us when we take them, but that we will taking them on their first Disney trip.  He said "I'm their grandfather, if I want to take them sooner, then I will" to which I responded "I'm their mother, so if I say no, the answer is no.  Anyone can join us, but we will be on their first trip to Disney."  He was not happy with me.  We haven't even touched the delivery topic yet, but I feel the same way you do and want an hour or two to ourselves.  I'm sure that will go over like a ton of bricks, but oh well!

blondek8

I had the boys at 1125 and 1136am. His parents, brother and SIL, my Mom came to visit after dinner briefly. Some of our friends wanted to visit that day as well but I told them to hold off until the following day. I've never been so exhausted in my entire life...

hunt2005

My solution? Don't tell anyone when the planned csection/inducement will be, and if you go into labor early "forget" you phones at home so you have that excuse as to why you didn't call. Then when you're in your room and settled you can share the news joyfully without the stress!

kafunder

I got sent to the hospital to have the babies after a dr's appt where my BP was found to be rising. I got to the hospital at 11am and the c/s was scheduled for 5pm that night. We called my mom in Boston (we're in DC) and she jumped on the next plane. We called DH's parents, and he told them to come around 5pm. So, by the time my c/s was underway, they were all waiting at the hospital.

After my c/s and recovery, they brought DH, the babies, and me to my room around 7:30pm, and all the grandparents immediately came up. I was loopy on the drugs, but even in my haze, I hated having them all there. If I had my way, I would have had them all come for like an hour the next day and then not see them again until we got home. But, at the time, I didn't know how much I'd hate having them there so soon after I delivered and throughout my stay in the hospital (they were there practically all day, every day that I was there) and how it would color my opinion of my delivery/hospital stay. (And I get along great with my mom and ILs.)

Mrs.Greg

We didn't have anyone waiting in the waiting area while I gave birth, DH and I wanted a few hours alone with the babies first.  The babies were born just before 5 a.m. and we had our visitors by noon that day.  I felt really great after my delivery though, I'm not sure how I would have felt about visitors if I had a c-section.  You should just have your DH tell your in-laws that you will call them when the babies are born and then you could just wait until you get to recovery and call them then.  Even if you have a vaginal delivery, you will be in labor and delivery for at least an hour before you move to recovery.

cocojack10

My case was a bit different.  SIL delivered 2 days prior to me at same hopsital, so her visitors took advantage and walked 2 doors down to see us.  There wasn't too much interaction on my part, as I didn't respond well to anesethia and was vomitting a lot once I got to my room.  Bc of that, people felt bad and were there a short while only. 

However, I did prefer they came to hospital and not the house. In the hosptial, boys were in NICU, so no one was able to see them, they just got me.  I got entertainment (after I felt better the next day).  When I got home, I wanted to adjust at home calmly, and not have to worry about entertaining guests, and seeing whose sick and who washed their hands (first time anal mom in flu season).  Turns out my BP hicked after delivering (I was preE) so it was suggested I have no visitors, so was perfect!  : )

mpstochlinski8

mmoravec:

I told all of our families that I didn't think it was appropriate having them at the hospital considering the boys were born in March right when there was a big batch of flu going around.  I told them once the babies came home from the hospital we would let them know when it was ok to come over.  Luckily none of our family lives in the same town as we do, so that made it a little easier.  My ILs came over when the boys were 2 weeks old, which was 1 week after they got out of the hospital and my parents came when they were 3 weeks old.  We didn't take them anywhere except the Dr prior to them being 6 weeks old.  By then the weather was getting a little warmer, above freezing, and the flu was past.  I was also very strict about everyone washing their hands before holding them and not coming over if they had the slightest cough or runny nose.  No way I was going to have my babies re-admitted to the hospital for some respiratory infection that they got from a visitor.  This also gave us time to get a little more comfortable at home and try to get a little rest before everyone bombarded our house.  I also did not tell anyone when I was going in and had the hospital list me as restricted, so that if anyone called they couldn't tell that I was there.

you are my hero! lol this is really what DH & I want but we'll see how it goes! We told our parents that we'd let them know when we were in labor (at some point lol) but not to come to the hospital that we will let them know all is well when they are born and we will let them know when they could visit and it may or may not be while we're at the hospital. My family took it fine, MIL didnt seem so happy. anyhow kudos to you, wondering if we may do the same as you in the long run still!

violaplayer

MontyMrs:

I had about an hour with just DH and the babies, I called my sister from recovery and she had just driven past the hospital on her way to work. It took her just a little while to get to us.  

My MIL was there about an hour or two later once I was transferred to my room.  If I were you, I'd call your parents when you're settled into recovery and everyone else once you get to your room.  Don't call anyone on the way to the hospital.

ITA. I had visitors later in the afternoon/early evening and it was much easier to deal with. 

Itmamma

Way too soon! I told my father and my nurse that i did not want him there until i was in recovery, they moved me from l&d to a maternity ward after 2 hours, but he came in after anyway and i was too exhausted to protest. I wish i had made it more clear with my dh and nurse. My dad is not mt favorite person

clarku2000

Everyone knew when my scheduled c-sec was, and I made it clear that I wanted some time with just me, DH, and the babies.  I also told everyone that I wanted no visitors the first week home.  My sister and very close friend ended up being there while I was wheeled into my c-sec and were able to visit with DH and hold the girls while I was in recovery.  I was totally fine with that.  That night, about 8 hours after c-sec we got our first round of visitors.  I was still a little loopy from the pain meds, but it was actually nice to have company.  We had a few less visitors the next day, and by the 3rd and 4th (final) day it was just DH and me.

Just stand firm on your visitor policy.  The nurses are really good--if you tell them no visitors they will not allow anyone back.  My nurses were awesome, they always checked with me before they sent anyone back to make sure I was up for company.