husband rant

newty_16

My darling husband has told a friend he could live with us "for awhile" since his g/f kicked him out. My h and I are 28 yrs old and trying to get ready for out first LO...the friend..40 years old, drinks all night, sleeps all day..and doesnt have  a drivers license because he cant pay his child support...its been 4 days an he has gone out every night (saving no money) and hasnt looked for his own apartment even once...Ive told my husband a thousand times I want him OUT and I want him out NOW and he just keeps saying we need to be good friends...UGH

MrsJetSet

Maybe it would help for the 3 of ya'll to sit down and set some expectations.  How he will contribute to the household, rules for coming and going, how long he is welcome to stay, etc.

I would be livid with DH. 

danlexi04

He did that without talking to you first? Wow.

greengirl0909

Wow, sorry for you my friend! Couldn't do it.  Allowing him to live rent free is enabling his lifestyle and his current choices don't align with my beliefs.  It would be causing  major issues for DH and I. Hope something works out soon!  

Wifey1012

You, me, and Dupree??

reneenearl

MrsJetSet:

Maybe it would help for the 3 of ya'll to sit down and set some expectations.  How he will contribute to the household, rules for coming and going, how long he is welcome to stay, etc.

I would be livid with DH. 

 

I agree with this! You're husband and you need to talk about the expectations you have for him while he stays with you, and a time frame that he can stay with you. When you two agree then you both should sit down with the friend and and let him know that if he is to stay with you then he has to follow these expectations,and then let him know how long he can stay with you.

lauranoelle09

Yeah, I agree  with everyone else here. My friends were in almost the same situation, and when SHE FINALLY told her husband she would move if the guest didn't, he laid down the law and got the guy to get an apartment. Your hubby sounds like he needs to focus on being a good husband before being a good friend.

BitsKD13

Yikes!  My DH didn't consider offering his dad our spare room when there was a chance he'd need chemo till I mentioned it to him (not that he doesn't love his dad but they are both set in their patterns and independent).  I can't imagine him, or any smart H, doing something like that till he talked with me first - ok for one night maybe but that's it.

I think you YH and his friend need to sit down and decide on a time line, and how much the friend will contribute to household expenses and upkeep (cleaning up after himself and such). 

PrettyBabyBlues

lauranoelle09:

Yeah, I agree  with everyone else here. My friends were in almost the same situation, and when SHE FINALLY told her husband she would move if the guest didn't, he laid down the law and got the guy to get an apartment. Your hubby sounds like he needs to focus on being a good husband before being a good friend.

THIS. I am a huge supporter of helping out a friend in need, but not when it enables their behavior. If his friend is not willing to make an effort, then it's probably better for him to hit rock bottom so that it forces him to do so. Sometimes people need a wakeup call in order to change their lives, and if he's still not at that point it will be nothing but destructive to not just you and your DH but to him as well. I would sit him down and tell him your expectations, and if he's not willing to follow them - it's his decision to leave (not you kicking him out).

I've been in your shoes before, but it was my best friend. It's hard, but sometimes it's the best for everyone. Good luck!

Fergie+1

Agree totally with PP.... and if H keeps giving you this 'WE need to be good friends" crap then politely inform YH that if the three of you don't figure something out, SOON, he'll be without a home, too. That'll light a fire under his arse.

jgal84

Wifey1012:

You, me, and Dupree??

HAHAHA!!! Love this movie! OP, I would be kicking my DH out of the house! Okay, I'm actually kidding (kind of ). You can be good friends without being doormats. There's a lot of times when my DH gets carried away with being too helpful as well. I figures it's my job to bring him back to reality. I agree that the three of you need to sit down and have a serious discussion about expectations. Good luck! That would drive me nuts......

newty_16

Thank you so much everyone! I feel a lot better that Im not being overly emotional. I told my DH that we need to have a sit down when he gets home from work tonight. So hopefully things will be looking up!

Belinda80

OMG!!!!!! I would of kicked my husband's ASS!!! (sorry don't know if i can write that on here)  I can't stand lazy a** ppl who do not work and are not responsible and just rely on others to pick up their slack! UUUUUU I'm mad and upset FOR YOU!

 GOOD LUCK!