Guess I just wanted to vent...

lauragetsfit

I posted this on another board and they suggested that I try posting in the Single Moms board....

 

I'm still in a state of shock, but wanted to talk to someone about what's going on with me. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and have been married since last December. My husband and I have had ups and downs...a lot since we got married. Some physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. We separated and got back together several times. The last time that we separated in May, he said that he was going to start going to AA, we were going to go to marriage counseling, and that he was going to make changes. He kept his promise. For almost three months, he made it to 95 days sobriety, we did some marriage counseling, and I thought that we were happy. He even stopped hitting me now that alcohol was out of the picture. In early August I found out that I was pregnant, and he seemed really excited. But weeks went on and I could see a change in him. Yes, we got into a few arguments (my hormones are all over the place and I'm very sensitive), but we always managed to work them out, or so I thought. Then, a few weeks ago I noticed a change in him. He stopped telling me he loved me, he stopped telling me how pretty I am, and he even stopped telling me how excited he was that we were having a baby on the way. Then, yesterday I was getting ready for work. It seemed like a typical morning. We had "couple time," he made me breakfast, and even packed my lunch. An hour before I was to leave work we talked on the phone and he said he was going to Starbucks and that he was going to see me when I got home. Then he said he loves me. So, I get out of work, I'm headed home, and I get a text from him. Basically he's saying that he's leaving me. He said he's not excited about the baby and that he doesn't even want it. He said he's been plotting to leave me for weeks and that this isn't the lifestyle that he wants anymore. Apparently he wasn't happy with just me, the baby on the way, our dog, and a sober life. Later on in the day (I tried texting and calling him, but he refused to respond to me) he texted me and said that he's been cheating on me With an ex-gf from when he was a teenager. I'm so heartbroken and devestated. Part of me is relieved. I don't have to worry about if he's going to hit me again, if he's going to leave me, if he's going to yell at me, etc. But the other part misses him and our good times. Anyway, I'm staying at my parents' house now and plan to move back. I never thought that I'd be a single mom, but here I am. I'm planning to raise my baby on my own and be happy, and make sure that she or he has a fantastic, happy life. My parents are wonderful people and very supportive. I guess I feel blessed to have my family. Anyway, I'd love to talk to someone. I need all the support and hopefully new friends that I can get. Thanks for reading...

BostonGayGal

Good work on being strong and getting away from your abuser. Move to your parents and work on a plan for work and daycare.

Also work on a plan for dealing with the ex in the courts:

Can you do an agreed upon divorce and can it be done now, or do you need to wait until the baby is born?

Whose last name would you like your child to have(yours!)?

When the baby is born you will need to file for child support. How is that done?

He may never file for visitation, but what would you ideally want? (If none, start documenting now - the ladies on here will have advice on that).

From there you will hopefully know whether you need a lawyer, but you may not right away if a trip to the court and a discussion with a helpful clerk can steer you well.

Absolute best of luck to you.

jdavies71

I too am a single mom.  I was dating my boyfriend for about 3 or 4 months when we found out I was pregnant.  He wouldn't even talk to me about the situation for six weeks until I finally lost control and insisted he speak with me - and used a few choice words to get his attention.  To make a long story short, we ended up breaking up.  The last communication I had with him was when I was about 15 weeks pregnant - back in February.  I had my baby in late-July - and he will be seven weeks old this week.

It makes me very sad and I still think about him most days, however, I do not regret making the decision to keep my baby and break up with him.  I will say it has been incredibly hard being a single mom with no breaks and being the primary caregiver to my baby - but I do rely upon family and friends to help out with cooking meals, holding the baby while I shower and shave my legs, and time to pick up around the house and do laundry.

I did not put the father on the birth certificate, and I am fortunate enough that I do not need his financial support (although it would be nice) to raise my baby.  I made the decision to keep him out of our lives because the stress and sadness that would accompany him being in our lives wasn't worth the $600 or whatever I would get each month.

It makes me sad my baby doesn't have a father, but with the kind of many my ex-boyfriend turned out to be and his lack of maturity and emotional insensitivity, I do believe it is for the best. 

You have been blessed with a gift - and I believe you realize that.  I wish you the best of luck.  It will be hard - but it will be worth it.  Send me a message if you need to vent further!  

lauragetsfit

jdavies71:

I too am a single mom.  I was dating my boyfriend for about 3 or 4 months when we found out I was pregnant.  He wouldn't even talk to me about the situation for six weeks until I finally lost control and insisted he speak with me - and used a few choice words to get his attention.  To make a long story short, we ended up breaking up.  The last communication I had with him was when I was about 15 weeks pregnant - back in February.  I had my baby in late-July - and he will be seven weeks old this week.

It makes me very sad and I still think about him most days, however, I do not regret making the decision to keep my baby and break up with him.  I will say it has been incredibly hard being a single mom with no breaks and being the primary caregiver to my baby - but I do rely upon family and friends to help out with cooking meals, holding the baby while I shower and shave my legs, and time to pick up around the house and do laundry.

I did not put the father on the birth certificate, and I am fortunate enough that I do not need his financial support (although it would be nice) to raise my baby.  I made the decision to keep him out of our lives because the stress and sadness that would accompany him being in our lives wasn't worth the $600 or whatever I would get each month.

It makes me sad my baby doesn't have a father, but with the kind of many my ex-boyfriend turned out to be and his lack of maturity and emotional insensitivity, I do believe it is for the best. 

You have been blessed with a gift - and I believe you realize that.  I wish you the best of luck.  It will be hard - but it will be worth it.  Send me a message if you need to vent further!  

 Thank you so much for understanding. It seems like some people don't understand why a mother wouldn't go after the father for child support...But honestly, when the father is difficult to deal with and has lots of drama, it's almost worth it to not have him around the baby. A baby needs stability, and it sounds like both of our Ex's couldn't provide that for them or us.

 Last night, I talked to my ex and he basically told me that he left me for my own good. He said that this just isn't the lifestyle that he wants anymore. I believe a lot of it has to do with his alcohol problem. He even told me that he was doing things that he wasn't proud of...i.e. leaving his pregnant wife, falling off the wagon, etc.

It hurts a lot not having him in my life, but I feel like down the road it'll be a lot better. Honestly, I'm scared to be a single mom. I miss being held and cuddled, but I know that in less than 7 months, I'll be able to hold and cuddle someone even better.

I'd like to talk to you more. Seems like we have a lot in common