Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Sticky situation, any advice???

knmommyknmommy
in Blended Families

As most of you know I am a BM, I call my ex "the spermdonor"  He does his visitation just to get at me.  (he never ever even calls DS, he can go a month w/out seeing him or speaking to him)  When DS was 3 months he spent a month in the hospital and had a vp shunt put in (he was dx'd w/shaken baby)  Ex was indicated by DCFS but never charged crimally.  Therefore, I have sole custody, but he has the EOW and wed.  Anyhow, I need to take DS back to the neurosurgeon to see if his shunt needs to be removed or altered.  This brings back a whole bunch of anger, if it weren't for the spermdonor, Nathan would never have to go through this.  I know he and his father will show up at the hospital (oh, look, I'm the perfect father) I just don't know how to deal w/this.  Any advice?  TIA

Report Reply to Post

Re: Sticky situation, any advice???

  • FloF9FloF9 member
    I have no advice but wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your son - poor baby.  How awful for you too - I can't imagine what you're going through. 
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • SUwifeSUwife
    I have no advice. I'm sure knowing my mouth if the ex showed up I'd say something around the doctors off the cuff about "oh look, it's the reason for the shunt here." And I'm sure that won't help your situation.
    Report Reply
  • XjunefifthXXjunefifthX

    No advice here, but wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you and your DS are going through this.

    As a former DCFS caseworker, I am shocked that he was not found indicated and still gets visitation. 

    Report Reply
  • PlannedChaosPlannedChaos
    Yeah, I'm amazed he still has that kind of visitation if DFCS thought he did it too.  That sucks.  Sorry you and your kids have to go through that!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    wow - what a SOB.  You know if you do say something - then you do.  So what!  Just don't do it in front of DS - as i know you would never.

    Good luck with hospital and hugs to DS - sorry his dad is such a looser.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • knmommyknmommy
    We ended up with a brand new, terrible judge who didn't even look at the indicated report from the dcfs judge.  He actually said "I don't know what to do"  We even had a guardian ad litem for DS and he said no more visits, the judge did not listen.  It was written up in the divorce that he had to be on his best behavior before visits, DS was not to go if he had been drinking or doing drugs.  The judge actually crossed it out.  It is amazing how things work!
    Report Reply
  • sprky79sprky79 member

    First off, i am sorry for your troubles.

    Second, bring your husband, hold his hand, and make sure you speak directly with the doctor and don't let your ex-husband dominate the room.  Third, let the doctor know that the grandfather (I gather your ex's father attends from your post?) is not a care provider and does not have permission to be in the exam room.

    Take a deep breath, and get through it best you can.  Then get home, put your little ones to bed, and have the largest glass of wine you've ever seen.

    good luck!

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
    Report Reply
  • FloF9FloF9 member
    sprky always has such good advice!!!
    Report Reply
  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    OK - i can't stop thinking about this.  He really shook your son and caused him to need a shunt.  And now has normal visitation - i am blown away by this.  That goddam SOB. 

    I know you always called him the spearmdoner but i figured maybe he didn't pay CS or something.  But he put your son in the hospital - for a month.

    Jeese knmommy i am so sorry to hear that.  Also i am so sorry you had to read all my whiney b!tchie posts over nothing really.  This is an issue - i'll take to many phone calls any day. 

    So how is a shunt actually removed?  I imagine it is not an easy process. 

    I do not know how you deal with something like this - and i hope to god i never have to.  Best of lock to you and your family, and especially to little Nathan.  You guys will definitely be in my prayers.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    Wow.  I'm so sorry for what you and Nathan have been through. 

    I don't have any advice.  I wouldn't know how I would handle that, either.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
    Report Reply
  • Bride7-14-07Bride7-14-07 member
    I am so sorry you are going through this. DH can totally relate when SS was shooken by BM's husband and nothing was done. The court just through it away as if it was no big deal and nothing changed with visitation. The state of Indiana is so F'd up! If you dont have any previous records, they just drop everything.
    Report Reply
  • Mrs.SesaMrs.Sesa
    No advice but I'm so sorry about your DS. That is awful!
    Report Reply
  • j+kj+k

    I'm sorry to hear this too. 

    I like sprky's advice, but I would add that it's important you not let your ex phase you at all.  Dig deep girl and don't let him see him get to you - you can fall apart, scream, yell, get furiously mad later. Just don't let him push your buttons.

    Good luck!

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"