Tales of a manipulator

CPA04

In the past week, XH has tried the following:

--If I begin dating someone, I should give him a "heads up" so that he knows about it

--If I get a babysitter for any reason, I should notify him so that he can approve said person

--Asked me to get with my lawyer to sign a satisfaction saying he's paid all CS that was due under our temporary order so that CS services stops "calling and harrassing" him.  He doesn't want to "get off on the wrong foot with those people."  Yeaaahh, except he hasn't paid nearly all that's due under the order and since he tried to take the easy way and pay me cash instead of going through the state agency, there's no record of him paying anything at all. (FYI:  I do intend to sign the satisfaction saying he did pay once he's paid everything ordered even though I'm not legally obligated to do so - I'm not taking the cash and running with it).

Nope, Negative, and (in the words of achase), I don't give a d*mn if they call you every hour.  You don't control me anymore buddy.  I'm not going to jump when you call, spring into action when you want me to clean up your mess, and act like you're the center of the universe.  Get used to it!

P.S.  Is it wrong that I'm highly suspect of a state agency being THAT on top of its caseload that they are mailing and calling him repeatedly 2 weeks after receiving my application?  Or is it his way of creating a pity party to try to get me to sign the satisfaction sooner?  My lawyer says she is hard pressed to believe the agency ever calls anyone...

achase123

How late is he?  I would highly doubt that they would have the time to call that often, depending on their caseload.  It'd be a safe bet to say he's lying, or grossly exaggerating the situation, at the very least.

Have you considered blocking his number?  Maybe you could just communicate via email?  It would seem that he's harassing you and you'd have ground to do this, provided you consult with your attorney first to make sure you can.

CPA04

achase123:

How late is he?  I would highly doubt that they would have the time to call that often, depending on their caseload.  It'd be a safe bet to say he's lying, or grossly exaggerating the situation, at the very least.

Have you considered blocking his number?  Maybe you could just communicate via email?  It would seem that he's harassing you and you'd have ground to do this, provided you consult with your attorney first to make sure you can.

I'm getting all my documentation in order to talk to the criminal investigator about this.  I forgot about some of the awful threats he made last winter until I revisited them recently.  Things such as "I will blow the f*ck up at you.  Do you understand me?  Blow the f*ck up." or (after calling 9 times in 30 minutes last month) texted: "Talk to me or our whole life is going blast on FB.  My cheating, your bi*chiness, everything."  Seems I have a case?

achase123

CPA04:

I'm getting all my documentation in order to talk to the criminal investigator about this.  I forgot about some of the awful threats he made last winter until I revisited them recently.  Things such as "I will blow the f*ck up at you.  Do you understand me?  Blow the f*ck up." or (after calling 9 times in 30 minutes last month) texted: "Talk to me or our whole life is going blast on FB.  My cheating, your bi*chiness, everything."  Seems I have a case?

I got a temporary protective order and one of the things was that he left ten messages in two hours.  Then I also had taken pics of doors he had broken and a door jam that he'd separated and the drugs, of course.

Whatever you have that's in writing, KEEP.  Then save the voicemails.  My phone used to be FULL of threatening voicemail messages. 

CPA04

achase123:

CPA04:

I'm getting all my documentation in order to talk to the criminal investigator about this.  I forgot about some of the awful threats he made last winter until I revisited them recently.  Things such as "I will blow the f*ck up at you.  Do you understand me?  Blow the f*ck up." or (after calling 9 times in 30 minutes last month) texted: "Talk to me or our whole life is going blast on FB.  My cheating, your bi*chiness, everything."  Seems I have a case?

I got a temporary protective order and one of the things was that he left ten messages in two hours.  Then I also had taken pics of doors he had broken and a door jam that he'd separated and the drugs, of course.

Whatever you have that's in writing, KEEP.  Then save the voicemails.  My phone used to be FULL of threatening voicemail messages. 

Way ahead of you.  That particular conversation was recorded.  Texts all saved, and my voicemail is constantly "almost full" due to saved messages. 

Oh - and our temporary order was in place from April - August.  So all they see is that he hasn't paid anything since April through the agency, even though I put on my application the amount of cash he has paid me directly under the order.

katie_cj

I don't find the first two all that crazy. Shrug.

But then again, we have a first right of refusal in our agreement. So I shouldn't be getting a sitter unless I ask my ex if he's available first. Since I live with my parents, close family members are excluded. So, I can ask my parents to babysit without notifying him.

And we have informally agreed to let each other know about any serious gf/bf. Mainly ones that would be in Jake's life. Not to say that we share details of dating and everything, but my ex moved in with his girlfriend and he told me about it before it happened. Just a quick heads up since Jake would be spending time there. I'm not dating yet, so it's not an issue. 

CPA04

katie_cj@hotmail.com:

I don't find the first two all that crazy. Shrug.

But then again, we have a first right of refusal in our agreement. So I shouldn't be getting a sitter unless I ask my ex if he's available first. Since I live with my parents, close family members are excluded. So, I can ask my parents to babysit without notifying him.

And we have informally agreed to let each other know about any serious gf/bf. Mainly ones that would be in Jake's life. Not to say that we share details of dating and everything, but my ex moved in with his girlfriend and he told me about it before it happened. Just a quick heads up since Jake would be spending time there. I'm not dating yet, so it's not an issue. 

Those make sense in your situation.  XH lives over a hundred miles away and only sees B 2 days a month, so it's not feasible to have him to get a say in everything.  Plus, does he really think I would leave LO with someone who's not fit? C'mon!

I agree with your second point and I have told XH that I would tell him if I would be introducing B to anyone.  That's not what he wants.  He wants to know when and if I ever go on a date, get serious with anyone, regardless of whether they meet B at some point in the very distant future or not.  That part is ridiculous. He only needs to know if it affects our child.

Mominator

With Nos 1 & 2, I know exactly where you are. It's not the request per se that is crazy in that if your exH is anything like mine, it's the tone and the delivery and the "you will do what I say or else" kind of attitude that makes the request that much more absurd. Hang in there, you are doing everything right!

katie_cj

CPA04:

katie_cj@hotmail.com:

I don't find the first two all that crazy. Shrug.

But then again, we have a first right of refusal in our agreement. So I shouldn't be getting a sitter unless I ask my ex if he's available first. Since I live with my parents, close family members are excluded. So, I can ask my parents to babysit without notifying him.

And we have informally agreed to let each other know about any serious gf/bf. Mainly ones that would be in Jake's life. Not to say that we share details of dating and everything, but my ex moved in with his girlfriend and he told me about it before it happened. Just a quick heads up since Jake would be spending time there. I'm not dating yet, so it's not an issue. 

Those make sense in your situation.  XH lives over a hundred miles away and only sees B 2 days a month, so it's not feasible to have him to get a say in everything.  Plus, does he really think I would leave LO with someone who's not fit? C'mon!

I agree with your second point and I have told XH that I would tell him if I would be introducing B to anyone.  That's not what he wants.  He wants to know when and if I ever go on a date, get serious with anyone, regardless of whether they meet B at some point in the very distant future or not.  That part is ridiculous. He only needs to know if it affects our child.

My ex and I live 4 hours apart. But I still involve him in a lot of day to day. Granted, I should of been more specific, our right of refusal is more for long period of times rather than an evening or an afternoon because of the distance. And I agree, of course you are going to pick someone reasonable, it is a power thing.

And your ex wanted to know your entire dating business is ridiculous. Totally agree with you.