DS is going to get kicked out if he doesn't go potty

T1andT2

DS is great going potty at home....but he won't try or ask to go at school.  He goes in a pull-up because of this.  And he keeps pooping at school....and they don't change him.

He is very shy and I know that is what keeps him from asking/trying at school. 

How do I get him over this?  The teacher said I should tell him he doesn't get to play if he goes in his pants, etc.....but I thought I wasn't suppose to punish him for potty accidents? 

luvmagoldn

How old is your son?  

ecoppins

I'm not wild about the idea of punishing for potty issues at any age, but there are ways to encourage more stridently. If it were me, I would sit him down and tell him how it is. Everybody goes, no body likes to go in public places but we all have to do it. If it were me, I would say how proud you are of what a good independant boy he is at home, but that he is going to need to be that big boy at school. No more pull ups at school. Then I would tell him that we are going to talk to his teacher so that you all are on the same page. If you are worried that he is embarrassed, you might want to create a code for him to tell the teacher, or if he needs prodding, that she should remind him every 2 hours, or whatever space of time seems normal.

kmhunt11

Work toward a daily or weekly incentive, maybe.  No poop for a day = a sticker.  4 stickers in a week (is he every day?) = a new ____.  I didn't use incentives with DD, but it wasn't what our individual situation warranted.  A lot of us were potty trained using incentives (candy, toys, etc) and we turned out ok.  Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong in what you choose  

You could also talk to you pediatrician.  I had a similar crisis on Tuesday.  It was the day before school started and she peed in her pants exclusively.  4 wet panties and no pee in the potty!  She was nervous, but acclimated quickly and it wasn't a problem.  Is his teacher giving him personal, affectionate attention?  He'll start feeling more comfortable with her soon.  Good luck hanging in there til then! 

KathrynMD

I don't really understand what the teacher wants you to do, you know?  She should be working with him to create some incentives or a special word, etc. SOMETHING that he can do w/ her so he'll use the potty.

I'd also probably ditch the pull ups at home and school. 

TinyPinkBug

KathrynMD:

I don't really understand what the teacher wants you to do, you know?  She should be working with him to create some incentives or a special word, etc. SOMETHING that he can do w/ her so he'll use the potty. 

This.  The preschool's reaction doesn't set well with me.  I would want a teacher who would work with my child and myself as the parent to work through this issue, not one who tells you to basically threaten your child.  I would probably pull him out of that preschool and try to find a better fit for your child.

anna7602

Assuming the school didn't have a "must be potty trained to go to school" policy, I really think they should work with you and I think suggesting he can't play is very inappropriate. Some kids have enough issues with the whole pooping in public thing without adding punishment to it.

They very well might be asking him if he needs to go to the potty every 2 hours (or whatever interval), but maybe he feels rushed when he's sitting there because other kids are waiting to go. When DD first started using the potty, pooping was the hardest thing. I had to get her a book and let her sit there for a loooong time. They probably don't want to or can't do this at school, so try to brainstorm with his teachers about what else can be done.

Taking away the pull-ups might work, or it might lead to constipation and more issues surrounding pooping in general.

kmhunt11

I had a 3rd grader who had bathroom issues once.  We had to let him go by himself, not during class bathroom break time.  It didn't end up being a big deal.  It's hard for kids- have you every witnessed class bathroom breaks?  No matter the age, the adult is standing at the door saying "OK finish up!" or "Joey, what's taking so long?" or "Everyone is waiting!"  Class bathroom breaks are dumb for this reason.  I wouldn't want to be on the spot either! (In some settings, it's not an option, but maybe your child needs to be able to go on his own time, at his own pace as pp said)

T1andT2

He is 3, and his 3K is only Tues and Thurs for only 2 hours.  There is 1 other boy in his class and 4 girls.  I think they have a potty break at about 9:30.  He has a teacher and then an older lady as a helper.  So there is someone to take the kids potty if one has to go at a time other than the potty break time.

He was in daycare before and he wouldn't go poop for them either, but he would try and he did pee in the potty...they took all the kids every couple hours.  And he has been at daycare for 3 years and was still shy there too.   We started him in 3K and then DS2 took his spot at daycare.  We can't afford 2 in the daycare and we really wanted to get DS2 into some kind of other social setting. 

We don't use Pull-ups at home (well, at night time we do).  But we don't go out and about very often so he doesn't have many opportunities to go in public bathrooms.  If he does, he goes much better with DH in urinals than with me and the big toilets.  He has never pooped on a big potty, at home he goes in his little potty.

We do stickers/candy/presents, but he doesn't really seem phased by them.

rsd12

Personally I would let him only wear training pants at home.  My son would not go #2 on the potty for almost a year.. he waited till nap time or bed time when he was in his training pants.  He did not like using the potty any where else but home, but I knew he could hold everything for hours (he is a camel).  Typical preschool programs for 3 & 4 year olds around here means no training pants, no diapers, & not a lot of help.  But I don't think preschool is for teaching bathroom needs, just encouraging them to use the potty on their own & teaching them to wash hands when done.

No reward would encourage him (nothing at all).  What we did was just relax about the whole pooping issue & I always joked that he was going to go to college in training pants.  Once I relaxed, he really did just figure things out.  Now we are working on wiping ; ) But my middle son already does this.. get ready for streaks ; )  

shellybird101

I say that you need to STOP using the little potty at home and get him use to the big potty.  Unless you are willing to carry a potty chair with you everywhere (he has to get use to a big toilet they are everywhere)or are willing to leave a potty chair at preschool and then clean it up after your DS goes in it, cause for a 2 hour program she does not time to clean up and disinfect a potty bowl. I think maybe your child isn't ready for this kind of 3K program. IMO

thyr4

1) I would introduce a small step in the bathroom at home (cheap at Babies R US or Ikea)- so he can get on the "big boy" potty by himself. I too suggest going cold turkey with regular underwear.

2) The School/Teacher should be reminding him ever 45 mins or so (depending on your son) but not in an asking way- but a gentle firm "Its time to use the potty again" way.

3) But I agree, if it were me, I would be bothered your Preschool isn't being more supportive of your son. Toilette training is different for each child and can take awhile. The teacher's comment to you would make me worried- what does she say to him? I would ask them to use positive encouraging language and to highlight his successes.

franciscaz

This is not an easy call.  If the Pre-K has a you must be potty trained policy (and I'm assuming they do since they are not cleaning him if he does poop) than I think that it isn't their responsibility to be potty training and cleaning him.  If that is the case I would see if there are other preschools that are willing to work with this.  

Harmon wasn't PTd last year so this was  big part in our  decision of where he would go.  It will be a key part in our choice for the twin's as well.  With August birthdays realistically they probably won't be fully PT'd at the start of next year.

One thing that might help is take away the kid potty at home and when you are out encourage him to go.  Target, the mall, etc.  Even if it means giving him a reward than it is worth it getting him used to various environments.

mabst196

DD wouldn't poop in the potty only in a pull up until I put underwear on her full time. I was giving her the option to go where she wanted to when she was wearing a pull up. Candy works as an incentive for her to poop on the potty.

jen5-03

They don't change him? Does that mean he has to sit in it for 2 hours or does that mean you have to go get him?

I think you need to get rid of the little potty at home and get him going on other public toilets as much as possible. I would try to make my bathroom set up as much like the school's setup as possible - do they use step stools? Do they have a potty ring on it? If not, then I wouldn't use them at home unless absolutely necessary.

I don't like what the teacher said, but trying to see it in the best light possible... did she mean that you should explain to him that if he keeps pooping at school then he can't go to school and play with his friends there? Because I can see that as just explaining the facts rather than punishment. And I would do that. Not in a negative or harsh way, but matter-of-fact, if you do X then Y will happen. Also, if there's a possibility that not going to school would make him happy, make sure you let him know that he'd have to go to a different school (because my DD would totally start having more accidents if she thought it meant staying home with mommy)

Mrs.Saxy

TinyPinkBug:

KathrynMD:

I don't really understand what the teacher wants you to do, you know?  She should be working with him to create some incentives or a special word, etc. SOMETHING that he can do w/ her so he'll use the potty. 

This.  The preschool's reaction doesn't set well with me.  I would want a teacher who would work with my child and myself as the parent to work through this issue, not one who tells you to basically threaten your child.  I would probably pull him out of that preschool and try to find a better fit for your child.

absolutely

we got my DS to use the potty with candy.

pee was jelly beans

poop was dum dums

when we used a pull up, DS regressed. good luck 

DragonflyBelle

What finally worked for us, and it was at the teacher's suggestion, is quitting Pull-Ups cold-turkey. They were her crutch and she was going to go in them as long as they were on her.We went with panties exclusively, and aside from a couple of days of pooping in them, she hasn't had any accidents. She goes #2 on a very tight schedule and we just had to learn when that was. Now we only use the PU at night as a protection thing and we will stop that soon because she will get up now or hold til morning.

Potty training has been a really long process for us, so I feel your pain.