Postpartum Depression
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Would this annoy you?
After speaking to the nurse at my local health clinic this week (went to get my baby her first set of vaccinations) she referred me for follow up with our county mental health centre. The nurse was great, I felt like there was help for me and called to set up an appt for intake. Today I got the call for intake and was surprised to hear it was a male calling. Anyhow, he asked me about my situation and seemed to have an overall tone like "what's the big deal?". For instance when I told him a big part of the issue was that my DH didn't really want a second baby he immediately asked:"Then why did you have another??". I told him my DH really gets stressed by the baby crying, and when he asked whether I was eating enough, I said not usually because baby is fussy during the evening (dinner). He said, you make sure they are fed, changed, safe and let them cry, no big deal. You just eat while BFing, no biggie.When we talked about me getting counseling, I said logistically I can't go because I have no one to take care of my kids. He said, your child can just play quietly on the floor, and you can breastfeed your baby, it's not a big problem. Umm, my 2.5th old does not "play quietly", certainly not when mommy is there. He also said my DH and I need to take parenting classes, or watch nanny 911, etc. Also get marital counseling. yah, my DH refuses to get help and obviously I nor anyone else can make him...plus remember we have no one to watch our kids? He seemed to get annoyed that I wasn't taking his advice. It really annoyed me that this guy was assigned to a PPD case when he clearly has no compassion. I just feel like a man can't understand. Thoughts?
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Re: Would this annoy you?
I agree with the fact that men will never be able to fully understand how PPD feels. But I do think that there are men out there with the capacity to sympathize and understand that PPD is real and true and sucks. It seems VERY unfortunate that this gentleman was assigned to a PPD case.
I would hope that a counseling location would be experienced with families (and young/active/loud/upset children) coming in, and will work to still give you help while dealing with those distractions. In a way, all of the 'advice' he gave was reasonable, but he was a real jerk about giving it in an uncompassionate way. (I understand about the not eating enough... newborns are hard and i had to use both hands to manipulate while BF...)
I think it's worth calling the nurse back, sharing your experience and see if someone else from the county center could be assigned to you. If this guy has been treating other moms this way, everyone loses. They need to hear your feedback to improve the system - and the nurse sounds like the most helpful person in the chain of command (and she'll be able to relay the feedback with a certain amount of authority, whereas direct from you may be treated as 'emotional and irrational')
I hope you are able to get some better help. Please let us know how it goes!
How unfortunate that you had to have that guy call you. I agree with PP that some men can sympathize, although they will never fully understand what you are going through.
For your sake, try to call back & see if there is someone else you can talk to. You need to take care of yourself. Ask if it would be okay if your kids come with you, it might be more common than you think.
Good luck & I hope it all works out for you.