One-on-one vs. both parents (toddler)

CareBear01

Do you feel like your toddler is much better when they are one on one with you and/or DH? 

I feel like when I am with DS alone, he does great and minds me really well, but when DH and I are both in the picture, it's meltdown city.  My guess is that he wants to try to play off of DH and I (sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't - depending if we know what's going on), so he probably just gets frustrated he's not getting what he wants or that it's just inconsistant.

Plus, it doesn't help that DS *always* wants daddy when we are all together, so I feel like I am just the "side" parent when we are all together (also, I tend to be the diciplinarian, so that's never fun).  Last night he cried for daddy the whole time I was doing his bath and getting him ready for bed (DH was downstairs).  But if DH isn't even home, it's never a big deal and we have fun together.  Blah.

Tell me I'm not crazy!  :-)

 

savannah11

YES!  O is the worst offender.  When it's just me or DH he knows that there is no room for negotiation and no one to listen to his sob story.  If we're both around he can manipulate the situation, attempt to play us off each other, and just down right whine about it all because he has an extra set of ears listening.  O always wants me to do everything which is frustrating to both of us.

 In sum, sounds totally normal to me :-). 

 

ETA:  O is 4 1/2 and we still deal with this so it doesn't end any time soon.  #2, who is used to sharing from day one, doesn't seem to have this problem, if that gives you any hope . 

SigmundsGirl

DS is fickle. Sometimes he is great with both of us or just one of us by ourself. Sometimes he is rotten with both of us or just one of us by ourself.
What usually is consistent is that dad is the fun one and I am for comfort/snuggles.

I have noticed that DS doesn't mind me more than DH when we are all together, but I think I tend to be the one that asks more of him (i.e. picking up his toys, not throwing food on the floor, etc.).

Last night he ate great for DH but then wasn't good in the bath for him. DS wanted me. But he was also tired and ready for bed - so I was wanted for comfort.

Kids are funny and as soon as I think I have DS figured out, he changes everything.

You are not crazy, just a mom of a toddler.

TexasPaige

Are you living my life? I could have written that entire post.

The meltdowns are getting better, but there is no doubt that he is better with just one parent. And my husband is definitely numero uno. 

opallover

100%.

Husband can't stand whining. Period. He totally freaks out and gives in. It's like a switch for him and Noah knows that. I make him go sit in his room when he's whinning and he can come out when he's done.

Husband has been oot for the last couple nights and bathtime has gone swimmingly. I never do bath but there are some nights where Noah is downright bawling for "mommy do it" while husband is giving him bath. I just let them deal with it and work it out themselves but it's hard! I don't like to intervine bc that seems like it would take "power" [is that the word??] from daddy trying to work it out.

But Noah has a meltdown for anything. Like this morning [I'm alone mind you] and his diaper is dry so i ask him if he wants to pee on the potty - he does - it's a ton of pee - and I tell him that he can have his 5 m&ms AFTER bfast. Meltdown CITY. I refuse to let him have M&Ms before something substantial - I mean come on. Right?! So we have to work through it - let him have his meltdown in his room without me and then come out for bfast.

[sorry for the novel - it's jsut been a hard few days. ]

TexasHarmony

I so get you on the side parent.  When DH is home, they just want Daddy.  Then when he is gone and they get in trouble, it becomes the I WANT MY DADDY meltdown.  Guess what bratty brat, I want your Daddy too!

But yes, behavior is a bit different for each of us.