decision made

ambigs

thanks for all the advice and encouragement with the breastfeeding.  dh and i made the decision tonight to just start pumping and eventually FF.  DH said the choice was up to me, and that he would fully support me either way (although i'm quite certain his prerference is FF b/c it means the return of my sanity sooner). 

although we had managed to get in a couple of good feedings early in the day, they were still stressful.  at lunchtime we battled together for 30 minutes before i could get her to latch on.  then this afternoon and evening i couldn't get her to latch at all.  the only thing accomplished was lots of tears from her and myself. 

i think i have to come to terms with the fact that breastfeeding just may not be for me.  i absolutely hate the guilt that comes with that.  but i realized i was dreading feeding my own daughter for the tears it would bring.  i'm telling myself we can bond better over a bottle than we can both crying and frustrated with each other. 

if you read this whole post - thanks.  i think i needed to type it out to encourage myself that i made a good decision and it doesn't make me less of a good mom because my daughter gets a bottle instead of a breast. 

marleysmom

I've been thinking a lot about you guys. It's hard for me to admit this, but I actually think I could have been a better mom in those early days - and definitely a happier mom - if I would have let go of the guilt, honestly weighed the pros and cons, and decided to FF. BF made me pretty miserable for the first 2-3 months with both kids, and pumping is so time consuming now that I feel like I miss out on so much at work, or at home if our schedules are off. I admire your strength and ability to recognize what's really important and that's bonding with your child. I've always hated the fact that I resented feeding time with my newborns simply because I insisted on EBF and I feel like I lost a ton of quality time in those precious first weeks because I refused to be flexible. I'm jealous of those for whom BF comes easily but it simply doesn't for many women. I know you made the right decision and I hope you are at peace with it!

J9melissa

Good for you for realizing what is important.

I'm still struggling with BF (as a supplement) and have decided I will give it one more month (To use up all the Reglan I have) and then after that, I think I'll be finished. It's such a struggle, and yesterday I was only able to pump twice at work because of meetings all day. boo.

On average, I only pump ~ 8oz a day and feed 2 times with supplementing formula after the two feedings...so maybe at most I'm making 12 oz a day. No where near the amount needed for him. If it weren't for the Reglan, I'd be making half of that.

(((HUGS)))

jgoo

Do what works for you!

For personal reasons, I FF both of mine from the start. I had some guilt with my first, but me second time around I was thankful for the decision. & my DH enjoys his feeding time with the babies as well. 

You are a great Mom. This whole FF guilt is only on thebump, I swear. I've never seen it in real life. 

PurdueMama14

Seriously, two months ago...I could have written your exact post.

When I finally decided, for my own sanity, to start FFing after 6 weeks of pumping NON-STOP because of latch issues, things got SO much better. LO was so much happier and I didn't DREAD feeding him like I did when he would just scream the whole time I was trying to get him to latch.

I really thought I was going to lose my mind those first few weeks from the stress of breastfeeding.

Just know that you are not a bad momma for making this decision. You are doing what is best for you and, in turn, what is best for your baby!

brithil

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! You gave it your best try. Hopefully you and Caroline can enjoy your time together a little better now.

thethomps

I didn't post anything before because I had the worst time breastfeeding and did not want my experience to taint any response I would have written.  I totally understand the guilt, but some wise people told me that a happy, sane mama is better for your baby than a stressed-out mama.  I know things turned a huge corner for me as far as bonding with DD once I started bottle feeding exclusively.  You have to do what is right for you and your daughter and if that is bottle-feeding, then don't feel guilty!