what do you do??

atlanticpacific

I've been a single parent since midway through my pregnancy and my son is now almost 10 months old. His father is completely absent and has a history of drug abuse (which I did not know about). We have our court date set later this month for CS/custody which has caused a lot of tension with G (his father) and I to say the least.

How do I handle being completely annoyed, constantly dissapointed, and furious at him. We essentially have a link for 18 years at a minimum unless I marry and his dad gives up his parental rights. I recognize I have no control over G's actions or behaviors but I AM SO MAD.

I'm really at a loss right now, I have so much anger and I don't know how to channel it. Has anyone else felt this way or found a way to let go of the resentments? I'm seeing a therapist and trying so so hard to not be upset for the sake of my son.

achase123

Hi, do we have the exact same situation?  I think so.  I wrote about everything in my blog (see pic link in siggy below if you want to read the LONG version).

You will learn to detach from the situation and you won't feel annoyed, disappointed, and furious anymore when you no longer care.  Don't have expectations from an addict, it's fruitless, trust me when I say that.  They are also masters of manipulation, which also leads to further hurt, disappointment, and frustration.

My XH and I split when I was 8 months pg because I found meth in his truck.  I had zero idea he was involved with anything like this.  I left that day and filed less than one month later.  XH had supervised visitation for one and half years but barely came to 1/3 of his visits.  He didn't see DS for an entire year, and recently came back into his life after a stint in rehab.  He now has three hours/week of supervised visitation.  I have zero faith that he will stay clean and NO expectations.  It's easiest that way. 

Feel free to PM me if you want to "talk" further. 

Annplus1

I am also in the "anger stage". I get it. And the best I got is to write it ALL down, all your feelings, all your rages, all your complaints. Then put it away. Do it again the next day, or heck, the next hour. Just keep doing it over and over again. When you are done writing, take a moment to breathe. And then go about your business. It really helps me stay focused, and lets me get it ALL out without constantly complaining to my friends/family how much this guy sucks.

I also try to keep all conversations with STBX to a business level. Nothing personal, no anger, no emotion at all really. It makes me feel better to have control over myself, and it makes me a little happy to see how annoyed he gets when there is nothing to fight over. Don't get me wrong. Emails have to be re-written 5 times before being sent, and I avoid phone calls whenever possible. But I am getting better at controlling myself, so I don't lose that little bit of dignity I have left.

You can do this. Heck, you already are

turtle1120

I posted about this a couple of weeks ago.  I have so much anger and it's constantly on my mind.  I had been seeing a therapist, then stopped because I had a lapse in insurance.  I think I need to start talking to her again now that I have insurance.

 I completely understand though.  This anger is all-consuming and it feels like I'll never be able to even be semi-ok with my ex.  I think he's the biggest piece of $hit that ever walked the face of the earth and I want nothing but bad things for him.

atlanticpacific

Achase, I think we have almost IDENTICAL situations... I'm not glad about that, but am glad to see someone who has gone through this and been 'okay'.

G has only seen Logan 5 times within 9 months and 4 of those times were because his family was in town and he wanted to "make a good impression for them"... mind boggling. I allowed it because he assured me he was not using and I didn't want to keep DS from him as punishment.

For court, my lawyers have essentially assured me that I will recieve full custody as well as whatever child support is appropriate in the state I live in. I have ZERO expectations for G to come forward and become a great dad overnight (or ever)... it just makes me sad for DS, and I feel so much guilt becuase of that. Since G is actually on probation for a drug related charge I do know that he is not using drugs right now, bur regardless I have asked for supervised visitation on his part if he chooses to see DS.