How often is your SN child around typical kids?

FutureMECC

DD is 16 months and around a 6 month level developmentally.  She has lots of cousins, one the same age, who we see once a month or so.  I also babysit my neighbor's DD who is also 16 months.  Outside of those experiences we don't do much with other children/babies.  

A neighbor SAHM invited us over for a play date, but I turned her down.  I really just don't want to explain everything to her, and DD doesn't really play or interact with other kids yet.  I feel isolated, but I turn down opportunities to meet other parents because I want to avoid explaining everything and I am really tired of watching babies pass DD.  I know I need to get used to it, but it is hard.

How often do you do social things with typical kids?  Any advice on how to get better at this? 

Glendi2.0

It's near constant for us... DD#1 is NT and pretty much guides our social calendar, from a kid perspective (this isn't unique to me b/c DD#2 has special needs- I find this to be the case with all my mom friends- the oldest sort of spearheads the activities, play dates, etc., and the younger sibs follow along)... I won't lie, sometimes it can be hard, but overall, I've developed a pretty thick skin and don't usually let myself get caught up in comparing. It's taken a lot of practice, though.

At your DD's age, it's not totally uncommon for kids to not interact, so maybe a play date wouldn't feel that unnatural?

ToastieSimons

I understand what you mean.  DS doesn't "play".  I can give him toys and he can play with them, but he doesn't sit unsupported so I can't just plop him down and let him go to town.  We've never had, nor been invited to a play date.  But we do go to the church nursery every week.  He loves to people watch too.

I think I may accept the playdate but ask if it could be over lunch or some other activity (a walk in the park etc).  Somewhere where your LO doesn't have to playing.  And you don't need to explain everything.  Just say your LO isn't at the point of playing but you'd love to get together with her and her LO.

kar5162

I avoided playdates for quite a while betweeen 12 and 21 months, but now try to get DS out more and exposed to more typical kids (at almost 2).  He is in a nanny share every day with a fairly typical kid who's a month older, but they've been together since ~5 months so there's no explaining to do.

From ~12 to 21 months, kids don't really play together anyway usually, just nearish each other, but DS was pretty immobile so it was a lot of work for me to help him play - I couldn't actually socialize.  I did occasionally get together with friends for a lunch out or a walk to the zoo where it wasn't a big deal that he'd just sit in his stroller.  At 21 months he got better at crawling (still super slow, but he would move), so I didn't have to do as much work.  His language also improved a lot so he's better able to interact with his peers and he's more interested in them and motivated by them, so I try to get him together with them to help motivate him.  That said, I've been sticking to people who know his history. 

I definitely recommend walks, lunch, zoo trips, etc.  It's good for both of you to get out, even if the kids aren't actually playing.  I know I felt a lot better when I got out more vs when I hid inside.  I wouldn't go into details about why, but would suggest activities that are appropriate for your child's level of physical/mental/emotional development.

gimmietimmies

When DS was that age I had him in an in-home daycare and made playdates as often as I could. At that age it was more for me than for him, I needed the interaction to keep away that feeling of isolation. He had to relearn to walk several times before he was three, and had mobility limitations. The kids he played with adapted so that he was included too (ages from 18 m to 3 yo). They all got something out of it, and kids that age aren't judgy.

My 15 mo niece finally received her CP diagnosis, and my girls are so receptive to her. They adapt the way they play so she is either included or being entertained. And my SIL really needs it too. SIL tries to compare her dd to S, and I recognise that she's only just starting to look at it positively instead of what her dd can't do. It's hard not to compare. It is so much better for your own mental health to celebrate her victories, others feed off and react to this.

Steer away from negative thoughts and get yourself out there. I was there, and it isn't pretty and is hard to escape. I promise, it will be easier, but it takes time.

ETA: You don't have to pour out the whole story of your dd. If they ask questions, answer just those, and if/when you are comfortable, you can give the full blown explanation. Very few people outside our close family/friends know the full story. Most people know he's had a kidney transplant and his muscles don't always work right, and that he has lots of hospital visits. His full diagnosis and story is too much for some people to take on board, especially all at once. They get to know what's relevant to them.

adge1119

my son goes to a special needs daycare and the class is mixed in developmental abilites.  so he's around lots of kids at different stages.  most of his class is walking or cruising and he cannot do those things or sit unsupported.  it's still hard for me to be around kids his age (he's 2 1/2) that are on track with milestones. but in all honesty i would love him to be around more children with special needs that are at his level.  unfortunately we haven't met many parents/children to have play dates with.

duchess0727

My DD is in a typical daycare but her class is at her developmental level, not her actual age.  It's been a really positive experience for us because of the exposure to other kids.  One reason it's worked out well is b/c DD's least delayed area is social/emotional.  I'm not sure how it would go if that were more delayed.  We haven't done any actual playdates b/c I work but if you aren't comfortable with watching the other kids do more than your DD, you can plan playdates to go somewhere like the zoo, aquarium, etc where the kids will mainly sit in the stroller and look around.  I would also say that sometimes you just have to develop thick skin - b/c isolating yourself may make your life harder.  You might try looking for other SN moms in the area who will understand your situation better.  And I would definitely take the neighbor up on the offer b/c I think having neighbors who know your situation and can help you out in a pinch can be really helpful. 

lite-bright

Well, she just started preschool, so 2.5 hours a day.  

I have a hard time with playdates, though, and I don't do as many as I should. I've tried a couple of mom's groups through meetup.com and just haven't found one where I click and get beyond small talk to actual friendships. I tend to do more things like classes or stuff that's more structured and can become a part of a regular schedule -- however, that kind of stuff is a good jumping-off place for meeting people. I met one mom through ESY preschool who is in practically the same boat I am: two girls around the same ages, older one with SN, younger one NT. I'm hoping that we'll get together again once the transition into the school year settles down.

I've found that I tend to gravitate toward playdates with moms of other SN kids, whose needs are different than my DD1's and where social delays maybe aren't their deficit -- or where the child who is my DD1's age is NT. I have one friend with a DD who is a former micropremie with some minor issues, but socially very NT. Another mom I've gotten together with has a grade-school son with ASD, but a DD the same age as mine who is NT.

I feel like I need to watch that because DD1 needs the interaction with typical peers, too (so does DD2!) but it's really nice to have that time to only have to explain as much as I want to, be with another adult who understands, and to broaden my support network a little. 

clp1027

DS goes to a preschool that is 50% model children, so about 6 hours - 5 days a week.

I know exactly how you feel though. I still tend to avoid playdates because DS is so unpredictable and can sometimes be very aggressive. Some days he does great and will interact with the other children and other days it's hard for me to watch all the other children play together while he spins the wheels on a toy by himself.

Justinlove

DD goes to a regular-ed daycare/nursery school and is with her age group.  She learns sooooo much from being around her peers that, even if I were not working, I would still have her in a daily program.  We did delay her progression through the age groups a bit when she was younger (she stayed in the "toddler" room for a LONG time).  She does interact with the other kids although they are much more verbal than she is.  We also get together at least once a month with some friends who have children around her age.  I have found that she lerans more from these social interactions than she does from the interactions she has with therapists and other adults. 

I don't compare her to the others and honestly, I could care less if other adults compare her to other kids.  To isolate her would not be healthy and for either of us.  I am not embarrased by my child's delays and I am open with people if I feel they need a little explaination.  I know in my heart how far she has come and those people who we have been around frequently also see her progress.  Sure, she is still far behind, but she is enjoying life and loves playing with her friends--and that makes me happy!