Need some support on 2 fronts.... LONG

meg_koole

I am so upset.  If you are FB friends with me, you might have seen some of the drama on my page the other day when I posted about not agreeing with that silly x weeks craving whatever thing.

My DH's sister started a war on my page and was totally out of control.  For your reading entertainment, I will post it below.  Its slow on the board so hope you don't mind the intrusion.  There is just no other way for me to show you guys how truly difficult she is.

On the other front, I am really irritated with a couple other relatives based on what they keep saying/implying to me.  That there are other plans and once they are realized, it will all be better.  I think they are referring to once we adopt we will magically be "cured" of the sadness that IF has caused us, or at least that is the way I am reading it.   One of the people was my Matron of Honor, so we used to be close.  She also struggled to get KU'd and had a daughter 4 years ago and then tried to get prego again and it took quite a bit of time.  But the kicker is they never went to the dr.  Once she finally went in and got an HSG her tubes were blocked a bit and that cleared them out and they were pregnant the next month.  I think I need to email her and let her know how I feel about her and her husbands comments.

Anyway, here is the FB war and some background.  Feel free to tell me if I am in the wrong for being upset with her.  Also, as a side note the sister is 24 and has 2 kids from 2 different guys (one in HS, the other when she was 20 and he has a kid with someone else too).

I don't have what I said because I deleted the post, I only have the emails for the posts that others wrote.  I will try to generalize what I said and where....

Jennifer is DHs sister; Debbie is my friend that has IF and had twins a year ago after a really scary pregnancy, Socrates is married to Angela and he has Azoo and she has issues.  The rest are just various friends....

I wrote how I thought that the X weeks and craving whatever was a stupid game.  It doesn't raise awareness for breast cancer and it is hurtful for those that suffer infertility.

This is what followed:

Nadine wrote: "I think that most of those games are annoying.....except ones that are funny! Like my strip club with random names Once in awhile otherwise no I won't like your status and wait for you to tell me something. You're in my thoughts and hope you get what you want soon enough. I'm sure its tough. I've actually had a couple other friends battle with it too"

 

Manya wrote: "It's ok.. I'm annoyed by about every single copy/paste type of status.. I think we should think for ourselves.."

 

Debbie wrote: "Are you serious! I had no idea, and have been congratulating people. Sad game! Now I'm annoyed."

Becky wrote: "I'm so sorry you are going through this Megan... "
I wrote something here about not to worry about it, I am ok if people want to do it themselves, I just don't personally agree with it.

Angela wrote: "Ahhh i was wondering what that was about, and yes it is stupid!!!"

Christina wrote: "Ithink it is stupid to"

AND HERE IT BEGINS....Jennifer wrote: "I realize that you are having a hard time with all that you are going through and sure this may be annoying to some because it is taking up space on their facebook walls, but at the same time this game is for breat cancer awareness apparently so as it may be annoying to you and others it is also recognizing those who have also had a hard time in their lives."

Jennifer wrote: "Also, for some of these posts that take up space if you go to the side of the person's post on the right there is an x and you can hide any posts from them."

Socrates wrote: "So true Megan, some people are just so inconsiderate and narcissistic that they can't understand how this could hurt someone."

Jennifer wrote: "You may not see it here, but others who join in may be just doing it for the cause that is all I am saying. I really don't see how people are being inconsiderate here, they may not have been taking people who are infertile into consideration, but they were thinking of a different cause is all I am saying, that does not make them a narcissistic. I feel for those who can't have children, but I also feel for those who suffer from this as a cousin of mine has and that is my personal reason for posting it so when you say that people posting this stuff is stupid it has a different meaning for me and I really do feel for you, but I also feel for her and if it were something that had to do with infertility I would still post it as I am doing for this cause. So maybe the inconsiderate hand shouldn't just be pointed at those who are posting for this cause."

Socrates wrote: "Ok so what if the game was that people post that their friend had just passed away of cancer and you get emotionally vested and say something like wow I'm so sorry I have loved one that has cancer and tell of their struggle. Then they say ha ha it's just a game to support a some unrelated cause. That's why I said what I said people only care about getting their post out on Facebook so others can come along and stroke their ego. And then you just discounted Megan's feelings based on the reasoning that it doesn't hurt you so it doesn't hurt her. The game isn't why I would call you a narcissus but your attitude towards peoples feelings."

Jennifer wrote: "Your right cause when I posted the only person I thought of hurting was Megan, as I am sure everyone else was thinking the same thing. I understand what you are saying and I realize it hurts. The game you said kind of already goes around because people post all the time about people who suffer from some sort of disease to raise awareness about it the only thing that is missing is the friends name. Really if you don't like it delete."

Jennifer wrote: "Also, she expressed her opinion and I was just epressing mine, not everyone has to agree."

Angela wrote: "I still don't understand what it has to do with breast cancer awareness..this game is stupid and look what it is doing to people."

Debbie wrote: "It really doesn't have anything to do with breast cancer awareness. Quite frankly, I can't imagine anyone that isn't aware of breast cancer. Raising awareness for breast cancer would be better served by a link to a site, asking people to donate, or do something for the cause, and not play a pathetic game that leaves people guessing why these status updates are popping up. Additionally, the 'game' excludes men who also suffer from breast cancer. So, I guess while excluding men, they are saying that the cause is only female related."

Angela wrote: "I agree, this was the wrong way to do it, period!"

I must have made a comment here that I wasnt referring specifically to her

Jennifer wrote: "I know it wasn't an attack on me and I am not trying to attack you either. I just wanted to voice my opinion on it as well and maybe people didn't go the right way about doing it, but I think those who start these have good intentions it just may not have been very well thought out."  I find this really funny since she is on MY post and I didn't put anything on hers that I had a problem with what she posted....

Socrates wrote: "Ok, however it seems that the opinion you expressed is that it shouldn't hurt her because it doesn't hurt you, it also seems that you are implying that Megan and those who don't like the game are being insensitive. It's not that we are against the cause, it could just be supported in a better way. I'm sure everyone knows someone who has been affected by cancer."

Jennifer wrote: "OMG, really that is totally what I freaking said. Megan should not be hurt even though I have been saying I can understand the feelings of those who are infertile but your right they shouldn't be hurting because I'm not hurting, completely what I said. Last post said that there could have been a different way about going with the posts for awareness, but I think good intentions were there. Read the posts. And really this fighting over facebook has gotten old I'm done because apparently you just can't understand what I mean and want to put words in my mouth."

Angela wrote: "Megan has every right to be hurt, what she had gone thru is unbelievabely hard!"

Jennifer wrote: "Wow, this has really turned into something that I wasn't expecting for voicing my own freaking OPINION. I'm just going to agree with you guys that you are right I totally just voicing it to hurt Megan because I focus my posts just because I am out to get her. You caught me."  WEEELLLLL you are over on my page stirring up ***....

Jennifer wrote: "Also, I seem to recall saying that it could have been taken in a different direction then it was but no one reads that they just focus on the fact that everyone was out to get people who are not allowed to have children even though my own dang sister may not be able to carry a child I didn't consider her either."

And this is where I stepped in and said enough is enough.  She is referring to kevins sister who has never been told by a dr that she can't have kids, she is just worried about it....

Jennifer wrote: "Don't matter I am deleting you off facebook and when it comes to family *** if your there I won't be and neither will my kids. I am sick of not being allowed to have any sort of opinion when it comes to being around you."

Jennifer wrote: "And don't have Kevin call and start yelling at me either because I won't answer if that is that the case."

Debbie wrote: "Jennifer, grow up!"

Jennifer wrote: "Yeah everyone attack me some more."

Debbie wrote: "You have just deleted your sister-in-law from your life, becase of these posts? Really?!"

Anyway, so now DH's mother just posted on FB that she is not doing any holidays this year because people cant get along.

And now I am upset and wide awake.

Ginger71

WOW

Sometimes I really hate FB. We've all been caught up in some kind of stupid rama with people and our IF issues...I've had my share myself and there is nothing worse than trying to defend yourself and your feelings when everyone thinks you are being too sensitive. As far as relatives saying stuff about what else you should do to have a baby....some people will just never get it or try to. Education doesn't work for some of them.

 WTF? You don't need this ***. Why even start with you? She is the one stirring stuff up....not you. How old is this woman? I'm mad for you right now.

Lots of  and support coming your way from me Meg....I'll be your FB friend to replace the other and I'll say nice things (((hugs))) I'll PM you my email addy.

You did nothing wrong and I'm sorry she got so confrontational.

apaige25

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this drama.  ((HUGS))

She obviously doesn't know how it feels to go through what you have been through.  It is sad that YH's mother isn't going to have any holidays this year because of this.  It seems like you were both trying to express your opinions and it should be left at that for the holiday's. 

stei8086

SO RUUUUUUUUDDDDDEEE! Some people are just so inconsiderate and ignorant. Sometimes you can't blame them because they have no idea the emotion and hurt that go along with this IF roller coaster. On the other hand, she should be at least respectful of how you feel and "try" to put herself in your shoes. 

I am soo sorry you have to deal with this drama on top of IF. Hopefully she will grow up soon.

 HUGS! 

SweetDahlia

I'm so sorry sweetie. People suck. I hate that this stupid game has caused so many stupid FB fights. I swear that FB causes more crap. I can't believe she doesn't undertand how that it could hurt you or other IF people.

Huge hugs.

vanessagorc

SIL is totally immature, and doesn't get it.  She prob doesn't get much of anything, huh?

GL meg....i'm sorry HUGS!

scooterq

She sounds completely clueless!  And very immature.  I am so sorry you had to read or deal with any of that!!

Big ((hugs))

meg_koole

Ginger71:

WOW

Sometimes I really hate FB. We've all been caught up in some kind of stupid rama with people and our IF issues...I've had my share myself and there is nothing worse than trying to defend yourself and your feelings when everyone thinks you are being too sensitive. As far as relatives saying stuff about what else you should do to have a baby....some people will just never get it or try to. Education doesn't work for some of them.

 WTF? You don't need this ***. Why even start with you? She is the one stirring stuff up....not you. How old is this woman? I'm mad for you right now.

Lots of  and support coming your way from me Meg....I'll be your FB friend to replace the other and I'll say nice things (((hugs))) I'll PM you my email addy.

You did nothing wrong and I'm sorry she got so confrontational.

Thank you sweetie!  I just friended you!

meg_koole

Thank you girls for your responses.  She makes it seem like I am always in the wrong and if I talk to anyone else about it it just stirs up drama.  I knew you guys would understand and see it differently.......

mikeandangie

I had 'liked' your status, so I didn't get any notifications of subsequent replies, or I would've had some words with her too. What a brat, seriously. Everyone responded quite politely to her. My guess is she has some other issues, because she definitely overreacted. And good riddance, you don't need people like that in your life. 

BeeBee08

Wow, she is just out of touch with reality.  That is one of the most immature things I have read in a long time...and MIL didn't really add anything positive to the situation either.  I am so sorry that is something else you have to deal with.

Also, I think you should email your girlfriend about your feelings about the comments.  You will probably feel a lot betterr by at least telling her how her comments make you feel.  Good Luck!!

theworms

((HUGS))

people suck

STL34

Oh, hon.  You have every right to be upset by all of that!  OMG!  I can't believe how completely childish she seems!  I saw your FB post the other night and read the first few responses.  I totally and completely agree with you.  That game is stupid and does nothing to increase breast cancer awareness.  Unless you get the message sent to you, you don't even know what it is about!!  Even if it didn't cause unnecessary pain for us infertiles, it still wouldn't make sense for promoting breast cancer awareness!  

((HUGE HUGS))