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Multiples
Not a nanny, not a housecleaner, but a...
Hi everyone,
I need a little bit more help around the house. My husband works long hours and I work part time (80%, which is generally OK but recently has been looking and feeling like 100%). We have a wonderful nanny who works 40 hours per week. She is not interested in working more hours. While the girls are napping, she eats her lunch, cooks meals for for the girls, tidies up their play area, plans craft activities, etc. I don't want to add to her duties because she does so much already. We also have a wonderful housecleaning service that comes once a week to clean bathrooms, kitchen, and floors, changes the sheets, etc.
However, I still feel like I am spending 1-2 hours per day on household stuff: laundry (our nanny folds everything, but she has messed up enough loads that I do the washing/drying myself), fixing broken things (toys, furniture, you name it), sewing on buttons and mending holes, watering plants, tidying up, etc. It's funny -- as I sit here writing this, that list seems so puny, and I can't even fully articulate what it is that I spend so much time on. It's not exactly cleaning, and it's definitely not childcare, but it's stuff that I would like some help with.
I think I would like someone to come maybe 2-3 hours per visit, maybe 2-3 times per week, to help take the edge off by handling some of these tasks on a regular basis. At the same time, I don't want to have to spend 30 minutes the night before trying to come up with a list of things that they should do. What I really want is someone who can look around our house (the way I can and the way that my husband doesn't seem to be able to) and see things that need to be done and who can just do them without needing a lot of supervision. It's like when my mom comes to visit and suddenly all of these things that have been bothering me for months get taken care of without me even saying a word. That's what I want -- I want my mom!
But seriously, I think what I'm talking about is a house*keeper* (as opposed to a cleaner). Unfortunately people seem to use the words interchangeably on Craigslist and Care.com so it's difficult to determine who is experienced and skilled at this kind of thing. I think I need to rely on word of mouth and personal recommendations. Does anyone know who I am looking for and where I could find this person? And putting specific recommendations aside, does anyone have any suggestions, comments, or advice on how to manage everything? What do you do to keep your head above water?
(By the way, my husband does a lot -- including all of the cooking for the two of us, and many household tasks that I delegate to him, but you know how it is. Delegating is hard work, too.)
Thanks in advance.
I need a little bit more help around the house. My husband works long hours and I work part time (80%, which is generally OK but recently has been looking and feeling like 100%). We have a wonderful nanny who works 40 hours per week. She is not interested in working more hours. While the girls are napping, she eats her lunch, cooks meals for for the girls, tidies up their play area, plans craft activities, etc. I don't want to add to her duties because she does so much already. We also have a wonderful housecleaning service that comes once a week to clean bathrooms, kitchen, and floors, changes the sheets, etc.
However, I still feel like I am spending 1-2 hours per day on household stuff: laundry (our nanny folds everything, but she has messed up enough loads that I do the washing/drying myself), fixing broken things (toys, furniture, you name it), sewing on buttons and mending holes, watering plants, tidying up, etc. It's funny -- as I sit here writing this, that list seems so puny, and I can't even fully articulate what it is that I spend so much time on. It's not exactly cleaning, and it's definitely not childcare, but it's stuff that I would like some help with.
I think I would like someone to come maybe 2-3 hours per visit, maybe 2-3 times per week, to help take the edge off by handling some of these tasks on a regular basis. At the same time, I don't want to have to spend 30 minutes the night before trying to come up with a list of things that they should do. What I really want is someone who can look around our house (the way I can and the way that my husband doesn't seem to be able to) and see things that need to be done and who can just do them without needing a lot of supervision. It's like when my mom comes to visit and suddenly all of these things that have been bothering me for months get taken care of without me even saying a word. That's what I want -- I want my mom!
But seriously, I think what I'm talking about is a house*keeper* (as opposed to a cleaner). Unfortunately people seem to use the words interchangeably on Craigslist and Care.com so it's difficult to determine who is experienced and skilled at this kind of thing. I think I need to rely on word of mouth and personal recommendations. Does anyone know who I am looking for and where I could find this person? And putting specific recommendations aside, does anyone have any suggestions, comments, or advice on how to manage everything? What do you do to keep your head above water?
(By the way, my husband does a lot -- including all of the cooking for the two of us, and many household tasks that I delegate to him, but you know how it is. Delegating is hard work, too.)
Thanks in advance.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not a nanny, not a housecleaner, but a...
Hire someone to take everything that needs a hole mended and a button sewn on to the seamstress. Then go get a massage, you must be exhausted.
I just don't have anything more helpful to say..it seems like you get a lot of help already and that isn't enough.
Oh - and it's your money, hire who you want. But seriously, count your blessings. I'm not going to flame you for having help and support, that is amazing. But your complaining is that you have to do "stuff" is flame-worthy and sort of AW tasteless considering how much other MoMs do on their own and then still cook dinner without help.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I have to agree with the previous posts - the person you are looking for is called a wife and mother - BTW, that's you.
It's great that you can hire the help you already have, but at some point you need to care for your own family, home, and children to truly appreciate not only what you have, but the help you have as well. Besides, as your children grow, if they don't see you doing 'chores' then why would they expect to have to do any?
Suck it up buttercup!
BFP #2 10/13/2009 on our 2nd Wedding Anniversary
Discovered TWINS during the 6w u/s - what a shocker!
Delivered on 5/19/2010 at 34 weeks due to pre-e and HELLP syndrome
The Bump MoM Recipe Collection
I don't think there's a working mom here who doesn't spend at least 1-2 hours a day working on general household stuff. I thought that was part of the job of being a mom?
Don't get me wrong, my DH helps out a ton! Probably more than I give him credit for. But there will always be a to do list, no matter how much help you have.
Wait, you work part time, have a full time nanny, AND a cleaning service? And your DH does the cooking? And you're wanting more help? Stupid question- what exactly do YOU do?
Do you think that it's possible that your expectations are too high for your house and lifestyle? I mean, I think it's impossible to not have those every day things that come up (like tidying up, or watering the plants, or fixing something that breaks, or mending clothes) when you have kids at all, nevermind two almost 3 year olds.
You would need someone with you to "help" from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep-because kids alone make a mess, or it's been 3 days since the cleaning people came so there is a spill on the counter from your DH cooking. It's part of being a mother, wife, homeowner-just life.
I think you need to relax-it may only get worse when they get older. And I know for me, I would much rather be a mother that rolls with whatever is going on than freaking out that the plants aren't being watered, or that the house isn't clean enough 2 days after a house cleaner just came. You have to set priorities-and honestly, if you find that you are still spending 1-2 hours a day dealing with it despite help from the nanny, your husband, and a house cleaner, you really need to look at your priorities and expectations.
Although I agree with the comments by PP ... the only think I can think of is adding to the duties of your cleaning service and nanny. If they are just little things your nanny should be able to get them done during the 40 hours she is already working. I wouldn't feel bad for adding to her "duties" if you are paying her hourly. It sounds like you should prioritize what she does with the time she is paid for.
Also, once my LOs are in bed I get a lot done. It's not ideal, but I am most productive between 8-10PM!
Normal 0 0 1 78 448 3 1 550 11.1539 0 0 0
Ditto!
I hope so, too!
The person you are looking for is called a wife and mother - BTW, that's you.
Exactly! Or Jeffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or Mr. Belvedere! Take your pick!
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Josiah James
Naomi Rose
OMG I am dying. So true. This sounds like the post of someone who thought having a baby would be a good "accessory". They wanted the cute puppy but didn't want to have to feed and walk it. Lame
Now that you explained more what you need, I agree with this post.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
Is it something that if you delegated to your DH that he could take over for you, even if it's just on the weekend? I know you said he cooks dinner-but can he take on more?
Can you put aside one specific time to bang out all the bills that way you can deal with it, and be done?
Maybe look into someone who is more a housekeeper versus a house cleaner? Someone that you would be able to ask to do laundry, or run errands to the store, who would get to know you and your family more personally than a housecleaner who is really there to clean and move on to the next job?
It scares me personally that we'll be taking care of our twins with no nanny help (we'll drop the twins off at daycare), no house cleaner, no nothing. If you are only getting 5.5 hours of sleep, I'm screwed.
Not here to judge-
However the 'title' you are looking for is house manager. put that in on CL and you will see exactly what you are looking for.
Sorry, meant to post that it seems like better time management skills would help. I think there a websites that will show you how to organize your house cleaning until it's down to an hour a night.
Oh my goodness you are right!!!! I just did it and found several listings that look promising -- thank you for the tip (and for not judging).
No problem- you are welcome. They are very common in my area- so I knew what you were referring to- GL
I work full time plus (50 to 60 hours a week on Wall St)... my kids go to daycare and we also have a cleaning lady.
So here's my advice. Stop mending. For the price you'll be spending on this house manager person, you are better off donating used clothing and buy new stuff for the kids. As far as bill pay and all that other stuff? I use my commute time to do it. As for laundry, I do a load pretty much every night so I stay on top of it. Sometimes before I leave in the morning I put the washer on a timer so it'll be done come dinner time.
Honestly, for me, it would cause more work for me to come up a list for this person to do...and they probably won't do it to my standards anyway.
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
heck, i never mended anything in my entire life! i just send stuff with my DH and his dry cleaner does it.
i think if its your budget for a house manager, more power to you - but it just seems easier to set up auto-bill pay and hire people to do specific tasks (like how i take my clothing to the dry cleaners if i need something patched).
I agree! (Though I have mended a couple things.
) If the stuff you described is taking you from 8 p.m. to 12 or 1 a.m. every evening, then most likely you could streamline it significantly through time management skills and timesaving tips like pp's have mentioned. Start with a household manager but I'd also check out some websites or books on time management for the home.
OK, enough with the mending!
That was just one example of something that piles up and bothers me. It's not like I spend hours on it. But if one of my girls has a new outfit that I love and there is a tiny hole in the shirt, I am not going to ignore it so the hole grows. I feel guilty about donating it because what if someone buys it without seeing the hole? And what if they take it home for their baby and then they wash it and now the hole is too big to mend? I know it's a ridiculous example but it's one of the things that came to mind. My point is that it is one of many different mundane and stupid things that I want to get off my plate. As one of the PPs said, there is always a certain level of crap that comes up unexpectedly. I do auto bill pay on what I can, but then my credit card statement comes and there are two things on there that I don't recognize and one thing that is for the wrong amount. Maybe some people would just ignore those discrepancies and pay the bill, but I have to call the credit card company, find out what the story is, then call the hotel or restaurant or Amazon.com or whatever to get the charge corrected. There goes the evening. I'm not saying this happens every month, but it is one of the many different kinds of things that I end up spending time on, when I would rather be sleeping or working out or spending time with my husband. (Remember the kids are in bed at this point -- so no flames please about how I am not a good mother to them.) I appreciate the suggestions and will try to be more critical of time allocation. For example, is it really a good use of my time to stick with this thread and try to defend myself? Probably not. I should go get dinner ready before the girls wake up.
although there were some unnecessary flames, i think that the suggestion regarding time management is a good one, and you should not feel as though you are defending yourself.
the types of errand that you used in your example are just life though. hired help cannot help you with that, only you can call your credit card company and discuss your account. or your bank, or your cell phone carrier, etc etc. these errands are the worst kind, i do agree. what kind of job do you have? can you take care of these errands at work? maybe take a small break in the morning to get them out of the way? maybe during lunch time?
in regards to working out, do you have a jogging stroller? gym membership? i am the queen of fitting a workout into a busy day but those two things make it much easier.
This summer, I worked PT multiple jobs, homeschooled, and did fertility treatments, which are exhausting in themselves, as well as tried to tackle some projects around the house. I used some of the money I made to have a housekeeper come in 4 days a week to do some of the daily stuff as well as the weekly stuff. (I did not send my LOs to preschool or camp but watched them as I worked. So it sounds extravagant, but I spent way less than many people do.) DH is very jealous of my spare time and didn't want me to spend time cleaning, etc., that I would otherwise spend with him.
You should take everything that needs mending and ironing to the cleaner's. It would be cheaper than paying someone to do it. In fact, you might as well send everything you want on hangers to the cleaner's each week! Ditch the cleaning service and for the same price have someone come in more often for more hours, 1-3xs per week. Instead of the service getting $50/hour and the cleaners getting minimum wage, your housekeeper can get $15-25/hr. You can let some of the regular stuff pile up just a little and be handled by her, and with laundry mostly off your plate, you'll be set.
Don't be afraid to label locations for things or print out instructions for laundry, too!
TTC since 6/02 (age 22) K/U instantly despite no AF for 5 months--preemie baby boy 1/03
M/C 11/04 - M/C 05 - M/C 06 - BFP 2/08--fullterm baby girl 10/08 - M/C 4/11 - went to RE at age 31
DX: crappy quality & infrequent ovulation, mild MFI
Stimmed cycle #1 C/P 7/11 - Stimmed cycle #2 C/P 8/11 - Stimmed cycle #4 C/P 10/11
On Stimmed Cycle #5
Always thought I'd be a "mom of many"--now just hoping to be a "mom of one or two more!"
I'm not flaming. If you can afford extra help and want it, get it.
I just spent 4 years working 80 hours each week and driving 1-1.5 hours a day. Many weeks I've worked 7 days / week. And I pumped for 10.5 months on top of that. My DH also works full time but thank goodness not the same hours.
My husband and I are a team and we split chores up.
We could have afforded more help but to us it's the life we chose and we dealt.
Good luck! Hope you can find what you want/need.
I recently met a MoM who is single, working full time, and has no help other than day care. I know you are feeling overwhelmed, but there are many other woman who have it much worse. It probably feels to them that you are being ungrateful about the help that you DO have. I'm fortunate to be able to have help (work full time with a nanny, and weekly housekeeping), but you might want to think about what some of the women posting on this board have to handle. I would focus on the wonderful things that you do have, and not complain (here, anyway) about what you don't have. Good luck with finding the extra support that you need, but do try to work on some time management and organization.
Perhaps make a list of your main priorities. Delegate an hour to two hours a night to handle those items and let the rest go--force yourself to let the rest go. If you are missing time with your friends, make it a priority to see them, even for a brief time, once a month. My friends know that my schedule is pretty rigid (and I'm the only one with children). About once a month I invite them over for a girls night (everyone brings a dish) after the boys are asleep. We hang out and gab for a few hours, and catch up on each others lives. Do you belong to a local multiples group? Becoming friends with other MoMs can be a lifesaver.
This is so dumb. For all the money you pay a nanny, cleaning service, and house manager, you could just stay home and do it yourself. I get that some mothers are happiest when they work full or part time (as opposed to being a SAHM), but it doesn't sound like you are very happy.
And how much stuff do you possibly have to do in your house? Pay your bills online once a week- it takes about 10 minutes. Seriously. Watering your plants every day should take about 5, unless you live in a freaking greenhouse. And guess what? I have never in my life bothered to separate whites from darks when doing the laundry (and I only do 3 loads a week- one kids load, two adult loads) and never once has it been "messed up." So how your nanny manages to "mess up" laundry to the point where you must do it yourself is beyond me.
Load/run the dishwasher before you go to bed, empty it in the morning. Wash a load of laundry in the morning, throw it in the dryer when you get home, fold it while you watch TV after the kids are in bed. Make your calls (you mentioned calling the CC company for a dispute) while folding laundry or driving home from work. Many bills you can set up to auto pay from the company, others you can set on your bank site, stop using CC's and you won't have to look over/dispute any charges. Run some errands on your lunch break. Get a robotic vacuum and set it to run at a convenient time.
Yes you obviously need to spend time with your kids, but they can entertain themselves for a few minutes while you do things like wipe down the counters, empty the dishwasher, etc. DH and I have NO formal help (IL's are always there if we ask them to watch the boys for a few hours, and they take DS1 1 afternoon per week) and we get it all done. I'm a SAHM, but I don't think you have more than you can handle, just try to multitask.
lol, is that bad?
i love outsourcing chores.
i dont think its wrong to want to spend money in order to gain free time (really, who wants to spend their saturday cleaning a bathroom?) but the OP seems to have issues with perfectionism and OCD...and, when you are a MoM, you have to learn how to just go with the flow. you cant be bothered about a little hole in a t-shirt.
I don't understand what you do all day either. Sorry. I work 45 hours a week, work out everyday, spend time with the LO, get all our bills paid, etc. etc.
Neither DH nor I cook during the week. We do quick meals or take-out. We have a weekly cleaning service so we don't clean at all ourselves. As for laundry, who cares! I just don't do it until the weekend. And all the other mundane tasks are unnecessary. Just don't do them.
I understand needing help. But I don't understand what you do with your time. I just don't.
Uh, yeah. You're a mom. You're supposed to take care of your kids. I get up at 5:30, get DD up at 6, get her ready for the day and leave out of my house at 6:15, she is with my mom all day while I work (till 4:30) and I pick her up and care for her until 7:30 when she goes to bed. That's how this mom thing works.
Seriously, there is no reason Laundry, bills and "scheduling" (WHAT exactly are you scheduling???) needs to take 4-5 hours. Put one load of laundry in per day...usually I put mine in the washer while dinner is cooking (after I prep it and get it on the stove). Then, I flip it over to the dryer just before we sit down to eat. Then, after DD goes to bed I fold it....takes all of 15-20 minutes. Bills I do twice per month (when I get paid) and mostly do that on Saturdays. That only takes about 20 minutes too...write a check, stuff it in the envelope, put a stamp on it, you're good to go. Many of them I pay online and that takes even LESS time. And like I said, what exactly are you scheduling that takes 4-5 hours of time?!?
Manage your time better and you'd have time for these things. Also, I excercise WITH my daughter. I take walks, play on the playground with her, etc. That is all excercise.
Seriously, why? I do things with my girlfriends 1-2 times per month. You just choose a day and go.
It DOES offend me. Because I work 40hrs per week with another 10 hours worth of commute time per week, so I'm away from my home 50 hours per week. My husband is the same.
I do not have a nanny, I do not have a housekeeper/cleaner, i do not have a personal assistant, and I manage to get everything done. You having help isn't what offends me, it's you acting like that help isn't enough, when the rest of us would KILL for what you have.