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Two Under 2
serenity0219
member
So torn...
serenity0219
member
in Two Under 2
Hey Ladies,
Ok so here is my deal....I am so torn right now about this whole 2 under 2 deal. I am a younger mother (25 ) in a good relationship with my babys father with whom I am not yet married to (although we do plan on it in the near future) I have a little girl who will be one at the end of this month and I just recently found out I am to be expecting again at 8 weeks prego now. I am in school fulltime and just trying to get my career up and going and our financial situation is not looking to good right now. This pregnancy was unexpected and to be honest although I am always excited at the thought of being pregnanct again and growing a life inside of me, I am just not sure I am ready for it right now. My boyfriend is very supportive and wants whatever I do and is completely ready to have another one if thats what I choose to do but again, I am torn. I never ever ever thought in my whole entire life would I be in such a difficult situation but I guess life throws you curve balls sometimes and you just gotta roll with them. I dont know if I am ready to roll with this one though. I worry about so many things mainly how my little one now will be affected as she is the center of attention, the apple of everyones eye and a little spoiled to say the least and I just fear she may feel slighted. I want her to have a chance to be the baby for as long as possible you know
I dont know, I guess I am just looking for some support from anyone who may understand and/or have been in a situation similar to mine before. It would be appreciated. Thanks Ladies!
"It's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your not"
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Re: So torn...
Your LO will still be your baby, you'll just give her a sibling to play with and love for life. She will have someone to tell secrets to, share toys with and to have thanksgiving dinners with when you are no longer around. And your heart with grow even bigger with another baby to love.
Not sure what you are thinking in terms of choices, and I dont know how your finances are..but you can do it. We all survived and you will too. Cutting corners and being crazy busy is what most have to do to survive these days.
Thank you so much for responding as I was a little hesitant to put that out there but you know what thats what these boards are for right? I am free to voice my fears, joys and concerns just like everyone else and I really to appreciate you taking the time to respond and help me put it all into perspective because you did and I thank you for that!
you're welcome. Take it a day at a time and you will do fine. Try to focus on the positives and make sure you share you feelings and thoughts with her partner. Its important to have support from him
I am married but I am also 25 with 2 young ones [under 4] and we're crazy enough to try for a 3rd. I also work full time and I'm in school part time. So it's a little insane and hard and sometimes money is tight..but we make it work. And I get so much joy seeing my children together. I was concerned that DC1 would be jealous [loves attention! soaks it up!] but my gosh..does she love her little sibling. Nothing warms my heart more than seeing DC1 tickle DC2..they are best friends. I honestly can't imagine having one child now. I won't lie..it's hard at first. Money was very tight at first. Time is hard at first. But it gets better..it gets SO much better! My littlest is 1 now and things are so easy.
It sounds like you have a very nice, supportive SO and that's wonderful. There are lots of programs for couples such as yourself who might need a little help to get by. A crutch until things get better. There are always ways to pinch and save money. I hope you make the best decision for YOU though. There are lots of support on these boards so I hope you stick around! There are so many woman on the 2 under 2 board that have been through it all and have lots of great advice. We all managed to survive so far lol! and some of us are going onto our 3rd..4th ect..so it's obviously not too bad ;-)
You are not alone.
I am expecting #3 in a week and went through the same thoughts as you when I found out I was pregnant this time around. I had just gone back to school full time, working full time and already had 2 under 2. I'm married, both of us have a decent income, but I really freaked out at the thought of another LO around the house.
When I was in labor with DS#2 I cried on the way to the hopsital thinking about how the addition would affect DS#1 (my husband thought I was insane by the way). Would he be okay, would he be able to handle the change, would he be mad at me, etc. It took some adjustment for him, but he is fine!. He loves his brother and says he is his best buddy. A sibling will be good for your daughter. There are so many ways she will benefit from that relationship she is getting a great gift there. So it happened a little sooner than you planned. It will work out. You can do it.
I think more than anything that you need to make the choice that is right for your family. I think that there is nothing wrong with knowing/feeling like you just cannot add another one to the mix. Only you know what you can handle physically, emotionally and financially. I would ask your BF for more of his input as to what he feels/thinks. I do think it is unfair for him to leave the entire decision up to you. If both of you are in this thing together, then both of you need to be 100% on board with whatever decision is made.
Life is unexpected. And a lot of things cannot be planned.
We did plan on having 2u2 and I am still overwhelmed. Those feelings are normal as well.
Your older baby will not feel slighted. She will grow to love her little bro/sis. Your older baby will still be your little baby, and your hearts will be filled with love. However your feelings are totally normal. DH and I are married, both work with decent incomes, and it was still scary to have 2u2. We planned our second child, and it was still frightening.
I remember you from other boards. I shared with you my story about my first child was very unplanned, and not so welcome at the time. I was insanely unprepared for motherhood and for a brief time we were on the fence about what to do. Then having my older daughter brought the brightest light to my life, so much so that I wanted to bless her with siblings.
I wouldn't judge any decision someone in your shoes made, but I will say that after having and knowing and loving my oldest child, I could never consider turning another child that I was blessed with away.
In some respects, I think it's easier on your first child when you have your second so close in age. With 2u2, your oldest is still too young to really understand the implications of bringing a new baby home. We haven't had to contend with the jealousy issues that can occur with older children. In fact, we had a pretty seamless transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4.
I don't know the extent of your financial issues so I can't comment on that aspect of your post. If you feel comfortable posting your situation, the Money Matters board would be willing to offer objective advice. They are very honest, however, and will not sugarcoat anything. They may be able of offer some helpful suggestions at least.
The bottom line is that, yes, 2u2 is hard - sometimes it's very hard. It's also extremely rewarding. We're all managing to survive and you can, too.