Do you raise your voice/yell at LO? Discipline help!!!

cs1007

I have been going through a really rough couple of weeks with DS. He used to be a very easy, sweet kid and he is going through the 'terrible twos' I believe....He throws fits often, whines A LOT to get what he wants and flips out when he doesn't, throws things when he does not get his way, throws his body on the ground and thrashes around, etc. He will not stay with me when we go places, he just takes off and does not come back or listen...He has just been tough all around...and I am exhausted from chasing after him and telling him 'no' all the time!

Yesterday he wanted to watch a movie and I said no...He pulled my hair very hard and started smacking me and it made me really angry, not to mention that it hurt! I yelled "NO!" very loud and sternly and put him the corner...He started to cry and said "Sorry, sorry!" I felt terrible for raising my voice and making him cry...but at that moment, I cannot  really imagine trying to 'explain' to him that it was unacceptable, and yelling was my gut reaction. Any advice on how to handle these situations? (BTW He also thinks going in the corner is a game...so it does not seem to be very effective...)

anonsouthernbell

Can't type much now but I wanted to say you are human, we all are so cut yourself some slack about the yelling.  I have also raised my voice before, which is something that I try not to but I am only human and I make mistakes.  (It also gives me compassion for my son too b/c if I lose my temper/control as a 30 year old adult then I need to cut my 2 year old some slack in that department too as he isn't physically or emotionally mature enough to always have self-control, etc).

We practice a lot.  So if M throws something that he isn't supposed to throw, I will walk over with him and we talk about how we don't throw x and we practice picking it up and putting down nicely.  I will occasionally then give him something he can throw (a soft block, a ball outside, etc).  

As far as the staying when we go places, can you be a little more specific?  Is it for extended periods of time?

chelwig89

Sometimes I swear my loving daughter is pure evil... we have actually nicknamed her The Beast.

Try giving her 2 choices- "Get in the bathroom for a bath or get in the corner. Pick one, now." Count to three. If she doesn't get in the bathroom, she goes in the corner. It took a couple days for her to figure out we meant business, but it works wonders, even when she's turning into The Beast.

DarcyLongfellow

I wouldn't feel bad about raising your voice!

I try not to use yelling as a disciplinary technique, but I have yelled at DD before.  I save it for situations where she could really harm herself -- I once saw on the monitor that she was climbing out of her crib, so I quickly opened her door and said "NO -- DANGER" pretty loudly.

I would focus more on trying to find methods of discipline that work.

For most misbehavior like that, I ignore it.  It's hard to ignore her when she's carrying on and crying for Elmo or a cookie or whatever, but after I've told her three or so times that she can't have it, I ignore the crying.  It's pretty amazing how after a little while she gives in and forgets about it.

The more you are consistent, the faster he will give up -- because he will learn you mean what you say.

As far as liking the corner, I know what you mean.  My DD sometimes thinks it's fun to go to time out too.  I've decided that that's fine -- it's still a break in the behavior, so even if she "likes" it, she's still stopping what I want her to stop.  When she's older, I'll see if I need to switch to something more punative (like taking away a favorite toy).

sherpa

We went through this for a few weeks. I started yellling too. It happens. DS would tell me, "No yelling Momma." I would tell him that I felt frustrated and shouldn't have yelled and I would say I was sorry. We both felt better.

My only idea (and it may not be very helpful) is to really try to focus on what DS is doing right. Even if it's the teeniest thing like getting into the carseat like a big boy, holding hands while walking through the parking lot, saying thank you, etc. This worked for us but it was not an easy feat. This week when DS went to take off out of a store he stopped in his tracks before I had to say anything and walked back to me and said, "I sorry, Momma, for running off." I about dropped dead but was so pleased that I seemingly did something right at some point. Today was another story.

mrsseguin

Both DH and I went through a phase for a few weeks where we started yelling at DS.  A few times, after he pushed and pushed and pushed we ended up screaming at him.  We both took a step back and looked at our behavior, we hardly raise our voice anymore.  You feel horrible afterwards, but in the heat of the moment, you yell.  Your only human.

We kinda thought rationally about it, if we got yelled at, we'd stop a behavior.  It doesn't really work with kids.  DS started screaming back at us and would not change his behavior.  We really had to look at ourselves and change our discipline approach to what worked for DS.  

What we do is put him in a time out in his room with a baby gait at the door.  This removes him from the situation, and gets him away from me for a few minutes so I can calm down too.  I've heard people don't like putting their kids in their room so they don't associate their room as a place of punishment, but it worked for us.  The time out chair and the corner was a game to him.

To discipline DS now, we give a warning (for a time out).  If he continues we count to 3.  If we get to 3, he goes straight to his room for 3 minutes.  If he comes out of his room and continues, he may get a spanking depending on what he was doing.  We have hardly ever spanked him, just the threat of one makes him change his behavior.  

We found that by being consistent with our discipline and being calmer with our approach, DS listens WAY better than he used to.  Sure, we've raised our voice here and there, it takes a lot of work to keep our own emotions in check and not let it be your gut reaction.  Don't beat yourself up about it.   

LoveEeyore

Yup.  It happens.  Then I feel like crap.  Then I ask her how she liked Mommy's tantrum.  I tell her to explain to me what I did in my tantrum.  I talk to her how my tantrum makes her feel.  Then I promise to try not to tantrum again, and ask her to do the same.  Now I can say "You are crying.  You are not hurt or scared.  So you are tantrumming.  Your tantrum makes me feel____" And she'll usually stop and fill in the blank- LOL!

Right around 2 she had a HUGE one and I was so frustrated. I then whipped out my cell phone and recorded it, and walked away and sat on the couch and watched it.  She was so intrigued, she got up, came to me and asked to see.  ANd we discussed it- LOL. 

KathrynMD

meh - yes, I've yelled at DD a few times when's she misbehaving.  I'm not proud of it, but I don't feel terribly guilty about it either.  In the end, it just seems ineffective - it doesn't get her to behave better and I feel just as frustrated as I was before.  If I start losing it, I normally just walk away for a few minutes, even if it means she continues w/ some negative behavior (obviously nothing unsafe, etc.)  It does startle and scare DD, so I try to reserve it for when she's doing something truly dangerous - and she will normally start crying in embarrasment. 

Anyway. ... whenever we get into a rut w/ behavior, I try to take a look at what I'm doing - and normally there's something there.  I've been busy/distracted, etc. not giving choices.  I find that if I give DD ALOT of choices and a lot of opportunities to "help" then getting her to comply when needed is a lot easier.  I also give her a choice - get in the car now or we're not going to the playground, count 1.2.3 - END.  The other thing that really, really helps is if I can see something's going to be a battle, I will normally get on the floor w/ DD, whisper to her to come talk to me and I'll suggest a deal - "2 more minutes of Dora and then we go to Target/have dinner, etc." that works about 95% of the time.  I also try to give her one or two rules when we go out - and repeat them constantly i.e. rules for the grocery store - no screaming, listen to Mommy and Daddy.  And, I keep repeating them and praising her for following the rules.

lovetheme

I read the book 1-2-3 Magic and it totally changed how I did discipline. Seriously that book has worked wonders. I finally feel like I am gaining control back of my DD and I don't yell anymore. I really encourage you to read it! 

 https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315021321&sr=8-1

bufdesa

Hyperlink removed by moderator.  STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS!

thumper57

I talk to DS in a normal voice, but if DS keeps going at it, I can feel my anger rising.   I tell him if he keeps going, mommy is going to snap.   He knows that snap means that means I will yell, and most times he will settle down.

NewMrs07

I've yelled at LO from time to time. It's not ideal and it happens when I'm really frazzled and tired and I've had it. Normally what works better for my LO is time-out in the play pen. If he doesn't respond to "no" I'll put him in the PNP for 2 minutes (1 minute per year old). You have to put him there, tell him why he's there and walk away. No attention, no toys, no TV. He'll complain but when you take him out he should be better. It doesn't always work but it's better than yelling or slapping, which I try not to do at all.