talk me down

redhotchili83

I was up for an hour last night, freaking out about the reality of having a 2.5 year old and twins.  I am totally prepared for it to be difficult, but Im terrified that it is going to be impossible.

 Someone please talk me off this ledge and tell me that I (and my marriage) will surivive without completely screwing up my older son (or the twins).

 AHHHHH Im scurred!

Mrs_MBed

I can't talk you down, as I'm right there with you...  Mainly I am living in the great state of Denial.  Its been working so far

SoldiersGreenBean

It is not impossible.  It certainly isn't easy, especially in the beginning, but it does get more manageable and even fun.

It will be a lot of work.  Our marriage took a harder hit when DD1 was born.  When the twins were born, we already knew what was expected of the other, and the roles/responsibilities, expectations, etc, had already been laid out.  I took a harder hit when the twins were born, but counseling and a supportive husband have laid that to rest too.  For me, the first 6 months that the twins were here were completely awful.  After that, it started to look up.  Right around when they were a year old, it got fun.

You'll be busy, and sleep deprived.  There's never a dull moment.  There's no shortage of whining, crying, hair pulling, etc.  But, there's also no shortage of laughter, smiles, kisses, high fives, and fun.

SoldiersGreenBean

Oh, and re: screwing up your older DS.  Not likely.

DD1 required some adjustment to having to share us (me, in particular).  In the early days, I had to pay a lot of attention to providing one-on-one time for her.  That was immensely hard to do in the beginning, when the babies wanted to eat what seemed like all of the time and I just wanted a few minutes to myself.  I started doing bed time with her, and that helped a lot.  Most of her acting out was toned down once we got the 1-on-1 time stuff straight.

She loves those babies, though.  Of course there's typical sibling stuff that goes on such as pushing, swiping, etc.  She's always the first to give them hugs and kisses, though, and to pick them up when they fall down (literally).

violaplayer

Momma, you can do this. You're ready and prepared. Worrying this much shows just how much you care. You're gonna be great!

redhotchili83

SoldiersGreenBean:

It is not impossible.  It certainly isn't easy, especially in the beginning, but it does get more manageable and even fun.

It will be a lot of work.  Our marriage took a harder hit when DD1 was born.  When the twins were born, we already knew what was expected of the other, and the roles/responsibilities, expectations, etc, had already been laid out.  I took a harder hit when the twins were born, but counseling and a supportive husband have laid that to rest too.  For me, the first 6 months that the twins were here were completely awful.  After that, it started to look up.  Right around when they were a year old, it got fun.

You'll be busy, and sleep deprived.  There's never a dull moment.  There's no shortage of whining, crying, hair pulling, etc.  But, there's also no shortage of laughter, smiles, kisses, high fives, and fun.

 This is very reassuring.  H and I took a huge hit when Kai was born.  I think we both had NO clue what we were in for with a newborn (and I developed PPD and was in denial about it).  This time, we know more that the newborn stage is temporary and Im totally gonna start out on Zoloft immediately to avoid the hell I went through with undiagnosed PPD.

I dont mind being sleep-deprived.  Im just worried that I physically wont be able to keep up with all of them.

teresadrew17

I'm in the same spot and have the same concerns.  DS1 will turn 2 in October and the twins will be delivered (scheduled) in November.  If it makes you feel any better, I had a panic attack the other night and broke down into tears.  My marriage is incredibly strong, but I have no idea how strong it has to be to have 3 kids age 2 an under.  Here's hoping to both of our older sons adjusting well! 

Rangergal9

My DD was 21 months when the twins were born and honestly, she was the hard one.  The babies were great.  All they do in the beginning is eat and sleep so they were easy.  We were also blessed with good eaters and sleepers.  If I were to have NB twins when DD was 2.5, OMG it would have been so much easier.  She has matured and grown so much in the past 10 months.  The biggest issue was being sleep deprived, but that is only temporary.  My older DD adores her sisters and is great with them.  For me the biggest and most important thing was keeping older DD in daycare full time while I was on maternity leave.  We kept her on her normal schedule and that really helped!  Plus I only had to take care of the babies at home during the day.  We did end up only sending older DD to daycare 4 days a week once I was in a good schedule and even the days home with all the kids weren't that bad.  Just remember to stay calm and go with the flow!  LOL

mishpug

I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat and I have similar fears. You are definitely not alone! Hopefully we can all support each other on this board and I plan to develop as much in-person support as I can before the twins arrive.

klr210

You are giving your DS the best (and  sometimes worst) gift ever that can't be bought in stores! I worry about this with my DD and then think "WTH would I do without my brother". Of course there will be jealousy and adjustment, but you won't be the first mom to add a couple of siblings, and it must keep working, because people still have more than one kid!

Your marriage will survive if you make it a priority - just like with any other stressor. I can't predict if two more kids or a job loss or lies or infidelity or whatever will end my marriage. I certainly don't think that way and instead of fearing it, MH and I take the time to confront, accept, adapt and move forward when we have events or changes or stressors come into our lives. My hope for you and your DH is that you prove to each other that you're both already well equipped to rise to the challenge and your bond as parents/a couple/teammates will deepen and you'll impress each other and yourselves with what you can achieve together.

And - as I like to always remind people, when you're really stressed out, don't be afraid to cope with some wine!!!

macchiatto

Hey you! I had just the twins and now I have 2.5-year-olds so I can't totally speak to having 1+twins. I think it will be tough, but doable. Accept offers of help when you can, especially the first couple of months. And don't feel bad if DS ends up watching more TV than you'd ideally like; the first several months are about survival, for all of you. Then the babies will fall into a routine and life will get a little more manageable.