Possibly adopting a preemie; advice needed

boxermama24

Hi everyone.

I am a regular on BOTB and the Adoption boards. DH and I were presented with a situation today that we are deciding to accept or not. The baby is 6 months old, but was born 2.5 months early and spent 2 months in the NICU. According to the information given, he has acid reflux which is being treated and he has a herniated umbilical cord. No other information given.

What kinds of things might we expect with a 6 month old who was born this early? Are there common developmental delays? Are they likely to sit/crawl/walk/talk later than a child born full term?

Thank you so much for any information you can give. I really appreciate it.

urbanflowerpot

How lovely! I hope things will work out with this LO and your family. What gestational week was the baby? It's amazing but every single day in the womb makes a heap of a difference. Many of our LO's have reflux - that's really common in preemies. You'll be going be "adjusted age". Like, my son turned 5 mo on the 26th, but was due May 29 so if I'd had him then he'd just be 3 months. I should expect him to behave like a 3 mo old. You start to feel like you have an infant forever sometimes! and NB is your longest size in clothing It's hard to predict anything else you can expect other than the child will be monitored through their pedi closely and you'll know about any follow ups needed (like, I'm sure child has another ROP/eye exam still). You'll get tons of support from all of us here Having a preemie is different. A lot of us feel we don't fit in with the full term mommies. But we have each other. GL/ask more questions if needed!

boxermama24

urbanflowerpot:

How lovely! I hope things will work out with this LO and your family. What gestational week was the baby? It's amazing but every single day in the womb makes a heap of a difference. Many of our LO's have reflux - that's really common in preemies. You'll be going be "adjusted age". Like, my son turned 5 mo on the 26th, but was due May 29 so if I'd had him then he'd just be 3 months. I should expect him to behave like a 3 mo old. You start to feel like you have an infant forever sometimes! and NB is your longest size in clothing It's hard to predict anything else you can expect other than the child will be monitored through their pedi closely and you'll know about any follow ups needed (like, I'm sure child has another ROP/eye exam still). You'll get tons of support from all of us here Having a preemie is different. A lot of us feel we don't fit in with the full term mommies. But we have each other. GL/ask more questions if needed!

Thank you so much! I know it's a little premature (heh - no pun intended) to be asking these questions because we have no idea if the birthmother will even select us, but I feel doing the research will help tremendously if we are chosen and if not, it doesn't hurt to know what to expect because with adoption, you never know what the child's situation will be and preemies are always a possibility.

I am unsure of the exact gestational age. I was told 2.5 months early, so I would think around 30 weeks gestation. I know I will get all information and medical records if things do go forward, but right now I just have very basic information.

Anyway, thanks again. I appreciate any and all information. I hope to join you guys here soon. It would mean that we were finally parents, and for that I would be so overwhelmed with excitement!

RClaffee

Like the PP said, you go by adjusted age rather than chronological. I just wanted to add that both of my girls have reflux and one has the hernia. The reflux is really common, and the hernia so far has been no big deal. It will most likely heal up on its own, but if not, the procedure to fix it is supposed to be really minor. 

Best of luck in making your decision! 

katie4253

Everyone else pretty much covered it, but I just wanted to say good luck!

OscarQ

katie4253:

Everyone else pretty much covered it, but I just wanted to say good luck!

This exactly.  I wish there was more information available to you to help you reach your decision.  Will they give you more info if (when) she picks you?  Come back here with any questions.

kaylaaimee

Scarlette has the umbilical hernia- most of the time they resolve on their own before they are five years old, if not they can do a simple surgery. Hers looked bad but now it looks like just a little bit of an outie. She also has reflux, which is manageable. That you'll just need some more info on b/c it can vary so much from baby to baby.

I wish you all the very best!

JeepersWife

Good luck!

hnyloven

Good luck and please keep us updated!

witt0198

Just wanted to add that a lot of preemies are also more fragile when it comes to infections, especially that first year. Some end up with monthly shots to try to prevent RSV, which can be devastating to a small child. Evan was earlier than the LO you're talking about, to give you an idea, his first 2 years were HARD. He struggled with reflux to the point of a feeding tube and refusing to eat by mouth, had urinary reflux, an inguinal hernia, delays in gross motor, several readmissions to the hospital etc. What I really want you to know is that now he's doing great. He no longer qualifies for services, and is caught up to advanced for everything for his actual age. He no longer has his feeding tube, and is just an absolute joy and is thriving. I guess my point is that a lot can be overcome as well.

 I think it's really hard to know how a LO will do based of of their GA at birth, or even their current difficulties. There are all sorts of complications that can happen, and do happen at different gestations of birth. We're very blessed with Evan, and a lot of 24 weekers have a lot more problems than he has had. My point I guess is, that you probably really won't know the troubles this one will/could face until you meet them, and even then, it can be hard to know.

TheGoose34

Just wanted to add your possible child sounds a lot like mine!  He was born at 29 weeks 5 days and spent 10 weeks in the NICU.  He too has reflux and an umbilical hernia.  He's 9 months old (in 5 days!) and his hernia is almost completely gone.  The majority of kids with the hernia heal on their own.  Also, if they have the reflux under control then basically the only difference is they spit up more but (again at 9 months) my son's spit up is SO much less than it used to be.  Pretty normal now.

With the developmental delays, it REALLY depends on the kid.  If your preemie had brain bleeds/cysts/fluid in the brain then there's a greater chance they'll have cerebral palsey or other lifelong problems and more significant delays.  My LO didn't have any of these and he's catching up to his actual age with amazing speed!  He's really not all that far behind kids his own, actual, age.  He's somewhere between his actual age and adjusted age.  In some ways he's his actual age, in some ways he's his adjusted.  He also doesn't have the preemie problem of putting on weight, the kid loves to eat!

Really what I'm trying to say is it really honestly depends on the child and how bumpy their NICU stay was.  But regardless, being a preemie parent is like seeing a miracle right in front of you every day.  You are an amazing couple to be considering adoption, let alone a preemie.  Brings tears to my eyes and I wish you guys so much happiness.  Definitely keep us updated and let me know if I can help in any way!!