tell me about your 3 yr olds behavior...

SarahTx5701

we live with my mom right now because my dh is deployed and it seems she has forgotten what a 3 year old is really like.

ds just turned 3 two weeks ago.

He is overall a good boy, but of course has his moments. Often it's triggered by a change in setting or plans.  he wanted to play toys in sunday school, but then they decided to clean up and go outside.  He wanted to finish his dinner but he got up from the table, so it was taken away, etc. 

He will cry and throw a fit. On rare occansions we have the fight to get dressed and results in time outs and he will hit sometimes.

this is normal right?? I almost think my mom is embarrassed by ds if he has a moment when we are not home and in front of her friends. She says she's not and that I never acted like this nor did my brother and she thinks we need to curb his anger or whatever now or else he'll think its ok.

I dont want to make excuses for him, but he is only 3. I know they will throw a fit, Plus his daddy is deployed, so I sort of cut him some slack for that too, but I dont know.  When am I making excuses and when is it just normal 3 yr old behavoir?

How do you handle tantrums outside the house also?

KathrynMD

sounds pretty normal to me.

I'm not a fan of tantrums either, but eh, they're little kids.  I think my parents have totally forgotten too and we don't even live with them.  DD had a total hysterical melt down at their house one day (when I wasn't there) about washing her hands maybe?  My mom wasn't really upset about it, but she was flustered and didn't knwo how to react.  She still thinks DD is a baby and treat her like that, but you need to be on your toes about w/ these kids now.

Brewtowngrl

Normal then add in that his dad is deployed I would say you are doing an awesome job.  That can not be easy for him or you. 

Outside of the house I ask him if he would like a time out in front of all these people.  He usually stops.  If he doesn't then we have one or we leave.  DS needs to know I am serious and if I don't follow through he will start to take advantage. 

kmhunt11

Totally normal.  My mom seems to have forgotten.  I hate it when she acts like my daughter is like something she's never seen before.  She taught preschool!  I KNOW she saw worse kids!  My brother was one!  She'll say things like "She certainly has her bad days."  No on gets to say that except me.  Even DH saying it rubs me the wrong way!  It's been a long time since my mom had a 3yo.  All I've heard my whole like is what and angel I was and what a disaster my older brother was (can you imagine why he's got issues as and adult???).  Then she acts like my kid is difficult, which she isn't.  And even if she is, only I can say it.  And you can't agree with me.  Ok, vent over.  

mabma80

DS2 turned 3 in July and is a monster.  He hits, talks back, throws toys, and likes to bully his big brother(5).  I remember when DS1 went through the same thing, so it's just a phase.  Take it day by day.  Time-outs are a joke cause he doesn't understand them.  You give him a good yelling at, and the waterworks start and he'll usually straighten up.  Sometimes, a spanking is what's called for.

Tantrums outside the house, I'll take him aside and talk to him to calm him down.  At the grocery store, we'll ist him in the cart and he'll just cry and cry and ask to get down. Which we don't let him.  If he's working himself up, we usually talk to him in a very mello voice to calm him down.  I don't make excuses for him. He's three.  People will look, but I'm like "He's three, what do you want?"  I honestly could care less what other people think. Unlike DH who does care, which ticks me off more.  He has no patience or tolerance to dealing with tantrums.  But then he doesn't spend the whole day with them either.  But that's another story. : ) 

ConnieRob

"She says she's not and that I never acted like this nor did my brother "

 

That's funny, my Mom says the exact same thing. According to her my sister and I never threw a tantrum and always sat at the table properly when we went out to eat. I'm thinking that she doesn't remember things exactly right.

Your sons' behavior sounds perfectly normal for his age group. My son is 3 1/2 and he does pretty much the same things.

When DS is not behaving when we are out of the house we leave. If we are in a store I pay for whatever I have (even if I'm not done) and we go outside until he has calmed down. If we are in a restaurant either DH or I will take him to the car until he is ready to come back in and act properly.

Good luck

Sarah_lily

First off, hugs to you since your DH is deployed. My husband is deploying in a couple of weeks.

 Secondly, your three year old sounds completely normal to me. My son is almost four years old now, but he definitely still knows how to throw pretty monstrous tantrums. For him, keeping the same, predictable routine is very helpful. I also make sure he has a nap and early bedtime each day (his behavior gets really out of hand if he's overly tired). The last thing that helps with my son is to offer him choices. For example, I let him pick out his clothes (between a few choices), his shoes, what kind of fruit he's like with his lunch. etc. That's really been helpful.

 When he starts escalating into tantrum mode in public, I get down on his level, get very close to his face and calmly remind him that his behavior is a choice. He can choose to be obedient, or he can choose to be naughty and suffer the consequences. Sometimes, that snaps him out of it. Other times, I'm the mom with a screaming kid at Walmart.

SymphonyGirl

Sounds totally normal to me.  The triggers are the same for our son - when there's a change in plans and he doesn't like the change, that's a common tantrum cause.

Mrs Manners

Sounds normal to me. Ds is 3.5 and pretty much past any hitting phase but can totally throw a tantrum and it's usually over a transition too. We do a lot of the techniques from the Love and Logic book which I think do help, but ultimately they are three and not perfect. It is getting better though as he gets older, now he's just more likely to whine annoyingly than have a full blown tantrum.

flgator

sounds normal to me too.  I think grandparents forget what it's like.  I can't imagine how hard it must be if your DH is deployed.  Thank you to your DH and your family.