Calling all stay at home moms...Do you ever???(kinda long)
Feel that the things you do at home (keep the house looking good, cook, keeping yourself looking good etc.), are unnoticed by your husband?
Or that your every day life is almost routine?
Here's my issue:
I've only been a stay at home mother since Jan 2011. I'm used to being on the go all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love staying at home with my daughter without all of the added stress of having to be in 3 places at once. But when my husband comes home, there are days that I just feel like he never notices the house, or me. We hardly ever go out. Which is hard to because for one he's always tired. Two, my 3 yr old is always with us,we always do things with her (which we love). She only goes to her dads every other weekend. I don't really have anyone that I trust to watch her closely, to babysit so we can. So it doesn't leave much time for us.
It's just like tonight. He came home, grabbed a bite to eat, took his boots off , sat down turned on the tv and started telling me about work (mind you he was in an aggrivated mood). I sit at the other end of the couch, my daughter beside of me and we're watching tv or doing something on the computer. I get up cook dinner, he falls asleep. Then gets pissy with me for waking him up. We eat, he watches tv, takes a shower........I think you get the picture........I mean c'mon I know that I'm pregnant and some of this could be from the hormones. But, I mean how hard is it to come home and say 'hi, honey' give you a kiss and say 'the house looks nice' or 'you look good' or SOMETHING! not walk in take your boots off get food and plop down on the couch watching tv. Don't get me wrong, I know he works hard every single day and he does it for us. I love him and thank him for that. But when it feels like the only attention your getting is when he wants to get frisky and get a piece of ass.......(sometimes i feel like that)....that's when you start getting depressed and feeling unnoticed....
Anyone else feel like this?
Re: Calling all stay at home moms...Do you ever???(kinda long)
All the time! Although, I don't actually do much around the house because it's really hard with a 14 month old who is in discovery mode and get's into everything and being 5 months pregnant but I think my husband thinks staying home is this wonderful thing... whenever I complain about his overtime (our family vacation got cancelled- he works for the power company- thanks Hurricane Irene!!) he says "I work so much so you don't have to" I want to scream that raising a well mannered happy child, doing the dishes and laundry, and making sure our house isn't a disaster is a JOB!
I hope he shows your some appreciation soon! You deserve it!
You are def right about this : I think a lot of times we are just bored and expect our husbands to make us feel like our lives are worth living!
I guess it could be that we're still newly weds (married in June) and we're pregnant (didnt find out that we were until literally the day after we got back from the honeymoon). I will have to look into seeing if there is anything like that around here. It's just difficult at the moment. We're diong some car shopping for me this weekend coming. So I suppose after that I may not be so bored lol. It just gets aggrivating sittnig at home all of the time. I feel bad for not doing things with my daughter, but I can't take the heat, or I'm too tired. So it makes it hard to find things to do. Not to mention, a small town doesn't help.
I know that well. my husband will tell my daughter ' clean up your mess, your mother works hard to keep this house clean and you're not going to mess it up'. Things like that. But I guess we just need some time to ourselves and I need to find things to do with my daughter throughout the day while he's at work. It would make all of the difference.
Actually, I wouldn't feel that happy if my husband told me that the house looked nice. I cooked and cleaned and did everything around the house when I was working (before my son was born) anyways, and I'm sure a lot of working moms do the same thing. The only reason I'm staying home is to fully enjoy raising our son (and our future kids) on my own. So when our son shows his dad some good behavior, or excitedly tells him something he accomplished (like he learned to swim 25 meters!), I'm very happy. I tell my husband, "see, I'm doing a good job!" and he says, "yes, honey." LOL!
Being a SAHM is hard. If you work, you feel like you accomplish something, and you still have your own time (like going to the bathroom whenever you want to!). But if you stay home, you have to keep doing the same thing everyday, and you don't get paid... However, like pp said, expecting your husband to make you feel better about yourself is not a good idea. I learned myself that I have to make myself happy. You don't have to just stay home because you are a SAHM. It's best that you meet a lot of people, but if you have to stay home, you can do a lot of things online to have fun or to make a few bucks or to stay connected with the outside world.
In the end, I'm so thankful that I get to stay home to be with my son.
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
My Dh is great about complimenting things I do, how I look, and whatever else...
But it wasnt always that way. About 5 years ago my Dh would come home he'd leave a trail of his crap throughout the house. I finally got tired of being his mom and wife and decided Im not doing it anymore. I quit picking up his stuff, washing his clothes, and leaving a plate of food on the table for him. He got the picture pretty quick- and then when he asked me about it he understood why I quit doing everything for him.
Now everything is perfect. We both share chores around the house and he understands that somedays I just dont have time to do everything (kids in school, dr appts), or I just dont feel like doing everything. And we meet eachother half way. He also learned something new about himself . . . He is great at ironing clothes, and its pretty relaxing for him to do first thing in the morning when everyone is asleep.
Sure, but I think that happens in any marriage. I think spouses can take what each other do for granted quite a bit. How often do dual-income households forget to thank each other for how hard they're working in their jobs?
My husband works extremely hard to provide for us, and even though I tell him constantly how thankful I am, and how much I appreciate all he does, on a day-to-day basis he generally comes home and we just go about our routine.
I used to get annoyed when he wouldn't notice extra effort that I had put in to the house or our dinner or whatever... but instead of expecting him to mind-read, I satisfy my desire for acknowledgement by saying something like "Did you like the dinner , honey? I put ___ in it for you this time." and it's then that he says "Yeah! It was really good. Thanks!"... I have no problem seeking compliments if I need them that day. :P
I just try to remember that my husband works very hard at his job, and that many times his efforts can go unnoticed too.
This happens sometimes with me. But I try to be really understanding because right now my husband is working thirteen-fourteen hour days 6 to 7 days a week. I know deep down he really loves and appreciates all the cooking and cleaning I do, he just sometimes forgets to show it. And when I get to the point that I feel like he isn't noticing or that I am not getting enough attention, you know what I do?
I sit down and talk to him about it. I think that is something couples don't do anymore, is just sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling. It always helps me and my husband because he gets to know how I am feeling and what I would like him to do, and he gets to let me know how he is feeling about everything and explain why he hasn't been noticing.
It gets hard sometimes, I know it really does. But I'm sure deep down he really does appreciate everything you do. They just sometimes forget to show it. :-)
Thanks ladies. I appreciate the replies.
I see where every one of you are coming from. Granted I know that I can talk to my husband about things, but I don't like to feel like I'm bothering him after he gets home from work. He deserves to lay back and relax for a while at least. It seems so petty sometimes. Yet, there are days that I feel just like this. The other day was one of those days. But I already know that I'm going to be bored out of my mind even when he does get home. We always do the same thing lol. I suppose weekends are when we attempt to do something different. We're going car hunting this weekend, and going to start buying for christmas. So I suppose that's something to look forward to.
OH yea! Mine got on me because we had DD over at a friend's house this AM, I needed sleep because it's going to be a LONG day/weekend... We had a new freezer delivered (we hardly have any freezer space so with pumping for this LO when he arrives, something had to give and today was the earliest it could be delivered), I've got to make a wedding cake this weekend, he wanted the fridge scrubbed down because that's what the delivery guys told him (he also didn't realize that the freezer has an "off" setting so it could be easily done any time today too), and the dishes desperately need to get done so I got the dishwasher loaded to start... We also have meet/greet with the teacher today for DD going back to school and he didn't finish filling out the registration paperwork and all of DD's supplies need to get labeled with her name before it's time to leave.. ANYWAY, fast forward, I get chewed out because I squandered the time we had the sitter for instead of attending to other "activities"... Mind you, last night when we got home, he was asleep before DD was asleep and the only thing I got when I "attempted to wake him" was a loud snore... Ugh...
Yea, any time I attempt to get caught up on anything around here it's like an uphill battle. If I clean a surface or organize a stack, if he can't find something he'll literally destroy the house trying to find it, but instead of picking stuff up, he'll WALK ON IT... Also, I don't know who is whispering in his ear, but he's wanting me to cut back on my gym time/routine because I'm preggers. I'm a competitive lifter, I also am at the gym to give myself a one to two hour break from everyone constantly NEEDING me (they have up to two hours a day of babysitting), the byproduct is that I got strong in the process. I also have more energy the next day even if I'm sore than I would have if I don't go. But he wants me to stay home to work on stuff around here instead..
So yes, you are NOT even remotely close to feeling alone on this one!!!
Not at all, sorry.
The first thing my DH says when he gets home is how great the house looks, and picks out specific things I worked on that are great. He always wants a kiss and a hug, and he raves about my cooking. (I cook every night and make all his lunces). He plays with DD and gives me time to relax.
Even when we went on a beach vacation recently he woke up with her before 7am every day for 9 days and insisted that I sleep in. He said that DD was his vacation, relaxing should be mine.
Then again he's been begging me to SAH for years.
Oh wow! Yea, sounds like yours is def. worse than mine. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel though. My daughters father was like that. His place always looked like a pigs sty! literally.....until I moved in. Then after we split up and my daughter and I moved out, it went right back to the way it was. It's crazy how men are. It's as if they have no respect for the things that we've done, or that we do every day to make their lives more convenient. Less hassle. It's sad that majority of us women have to put up with it, especially during pregnancy. You would think this is when a man is most helpful and understanding. But nope!
Two Poems for Us SAHMs:
What Did You Do Today?Today I left some dishes dirty,The bed got made around 3:30.
The diapers soaked a little longer,
The odor grew a little stronger.
The crumbs I spilled the day before,
Are staring at me from the floor.
The fingerprints there on the wall,
Will likely be there still next fall.
The dirty streaks on those window panes,
Will still be there next time it rains.
Shame on you, you sit and say,
Just what did you do today?I nursed a baby till he slept,
I held a toddler while he wept,
I played a game of hide and seek,
I squeezed a toy so it would squeak.
I pulled a wagon, sang a song,
Taught a child right from wrong.
What did I do this whole day through?
Not much that shows, I guess it?s true.
Unless you think that what I?ve done,
Might be important to someone,
With bright brown eyes and soft blond hair,
If that is true ? I?ve done my share.
Author Unknown
-------------------------------------------
A Stay-at-Home Mom Was I
What can I tell you
About the life I?ve lived
Will I impress you
With all the things I did?
It may not mean a lot to you
But my life has meant lots to me
The greatest two days of my life
Was the births of he and she.
Since the days my kids were born
Little boy and little girl
I haven?t worried much about me
I was absorbed with him and her.
Spent days in the kitchen
Cooking up lots of stuff
Spent time playing
Never really cleaned enough.
Never got the cobwebs
Dust seemed to be everywhere
But boy did we have fun
Which was beyond compare.
Watching those Disney movies
Ordering a pizza or two
Playing with our pets
Saying ?I love you.?
I wouldn?t change a thing
About how my life was lived
Because the best thing of all
Was doing what I did.
Being a mom of two
Watching them both grow
Has brought me so much happiness
More than anyone will ever know.
A stay-at-home mom was I
Not a fancy title did I have
But I have memories I will treasure forever
Of the best life I could have ever had.
Connie Webb
Thank you very much for sharing those. They were both very nice. 100% truth in them I will give you that. That is one thing that I can still relate to is poetry.