Something I've noticed but, never found the right time to post about....

ougrad1

In the time I have spent lurking on other boards I have noticed and been shocked at the number of women who are pregnant with multiples on TB but, never post over here.

The minute I knew I was a MoM, I bolted to this board.  I just think it's interesting how many ladies are pregnant with multiples on the boards, are frequent posters and never post over here when they find out they are expecting multiples.

Just an observation....I've really taken notice to this over the last several months.

punkin06

hmm, thoughts about why they're not posting over here????

klr210

I didn't even think about TB until I knew I was pg with two -- maybe they started on other boards first and it felt like "home".

I've lurked on other relevant boards since I have a 3 year old DD as well and am a SAHM, but somehow seem like a party crasher since they seem to all know each other so well. That thought never even crossed my mind when I popped in and introduced myself here for the first time, but as time went on I guess I just shied away from feeling like I was butting in on another board. I'm clueless as to the social graces of online networks though...obviously.. lol

iluvadam

I have noticed this as well.  I can only assume that they are posters that already have established themselves as members of a particular board and don't feel the need for the support over here.  Not sure though. 

UsedToBeGoldie

there are many MoM's on the SAIF board - that don't come here much at all - i think they feel at home there and get the twin support they need.

there are quite a few on my local nest board, too - who don't come here  - and get support on our board... I think people just find a home -for some it's here- for some it's elsewhere.

ougrad1

punkin06:

hmm, thoughts about why they're not posting over here????

Honestly, no.

I've been on numerous boards through the years I've been on TB and they all seem to implode on themselves at some point.  It's just the way it goes.

This is the most laid back board and I can't imagine someone being intimidated to post here.  However, I've really liked the spunk I've seen lately.  : )

What are your thoughts Punkin? 

 

erin48

I intro'd myself awhile back, but since then mostly just lurk this board.  But I read the posts daily!

2shihtzus

I have noticed this recently too.  I never really posted on the bump much (if at all) until I found out that I was having twins and then I think I fled over here and fired off a panicked/terried first post.  

Honestly, I do think it can be a little intimidating just due to the number of fakers.  After my first post, I lurked for awhile and didn't really post much at all during my pregnancy because I really thought people might think I was a faker since I didn't have that many posts.  I don't know what made me start posting more but one day I just jumped in I guess and I am so glad I did.

It's hard for me to imagine posting somewhere else because a lot of my questions are twin related and I just feel like the girls on here understand each other's "issues" more and we're not so dramatic as some of the other boards I've seen.  I can understand like PP's said if someone has found a board they feel at home on then they may not feel a need to come over here.

macchiatto

I've noticed that, too. Personally, I was like you and bolted over here the night we found out we were having twins!

missfire

Maybe when they first posted, we asked them if they've been eating yams or doing it doggy style and scared them away! Or seriously, maybe they don't expect better support than what they get on other boards. I feel like so many of my questions are about twin logistics now that I don't find myself posting much on other boards anymore.

E&RMommy

I've certainly noticed it.  When my bestie was KU with her twins (she used to be a reg here but is busy with life....maybe she's still reading....YOOWHOOOOO HELLO DEARIE), I always read this board.  That was about 1.5 years before I became KU with my twins.  As an outsider, I saw some fairly snarky stuff.  Of course all boards have those phases depending on who the main people are.  Although I came right over when I found out I had 2 babies, I did have a few somewhat cold posts because people didn't know me or my background. 

So I think at times this is a very tough crowd to break into.  But as a regular I think it's a great and extremely supportive group. 

SarahD30

I found TB when deciding to ttc. I then found the multiples board and have very much enjoyed this site since. I will say there have been and are times I am intimidated by my own lack of knowledge. I don't post very often bc I don't feel like I have much to contribute but I cherish all I have learned.

mishpug

I introduced myself about 6 weeks ago when I first found out we are having twins. I haven't posted much since then because most of my questions are in the FAQ or I can find information just by reading.

It is easier to post on my BMB because we are all at the same stage of pregnancy and I know they are mostly interested in the same things. However, I really do like this board and truly appreciate all that I have learned here. My OB was surprised that I already knew that there is a chance (1 in 9!) that my di/di twins are identical.

punkin06

ougrad1:

punkin06:

hmm, thoughts about why they're not posting over here????

Honestly, no.

I've been on numerous boards through the years I've been on TB and they all seem to implode on themselves at some point.  It's just the way it goes.

This is the most laid back board and I can't imagine someone being intimidated to post here.  However, I've really liked the spunk I've seen lately.  : )

What are your thoughts Punkin? 

 

 

i should have clarified, this wasnt meant specifically to you -just a general question to hear others' thoughts on it. 

i think this is a tough crowd to get into.  i see a lot of support for the core members, but not very much for new folks.  it especially seems clique-ish when folks come on asking 'immature' questions about twin pregnancies.  i havent been on many of the nest boards except money matters but i get the sense that all of the different boards here have a core group of folks.

i didnt come over here right away b/c i have a history of losses and i've been very cautious with this pg.  if others are getting support on another board, they should stick with it b/c it can be stressful to get into another group. 

i'm speaking from experience.  i was naiive and didnt really understand the dynamics of the boards ... and that's okay, i dont think i'll ever personally meet half of the women i've come across on the nest.  i do appreciate the information on here!

emschott

I post here a little, but I don't have much to contribute. I just don't know as much as you ladies yet!  But I have learned A LOT from you!

MamaCrystal

I only notice that through LIP's because I only come to this board! ; )  Makes sense that they just have a different home for other reasons.

I occasionally checked out the trimester boards after DS2 was born but quit because they were so immature.  I didn't see the multiples board until I ventured back after finding out I was pregnant with our girls.

TeacherTiff

As someone who is fairly new over here, I have to agree with the OP on her point of coming right over here! I will say though that the news of twins took me by surprise so it's not like I was posting over here as soon as I got home from my u/s. The only bump boards I post on are my birth month boards, and on the nest my wedding month board. Rangergirl is also from my wedding board so she encouraged me to make the jump over here... and I'm glad I did! I'm already storing away ideas and tips for down the road.

lmydogally

I came right over but did have thoughts of "what if they think I'm a faker.". But Ive been on the nest for years and "know" a couple of regulars over here. I haven't had any desire to post on my month or the tri boards. It just seems different with twins. Especially when my month board post bump pics and everyone still has flat tummies.

MrsLnt

I've noticed that too and found it interesting.  I think it has to do with how you identify yourself and to whom you relate. I lurked on Nov 2010 and 1st Tri for the first 5 minutes of my pregnancy, until I found out it was twins, and then I lurked on here until the babies were a few weeks old and then I introduced myself.  I only got one or two people that responded but, after I'd done that, I felt comfortable continuing to post, even if I didn't have 100 regulars come out of the woodwork to shake my hand.  I can see how it may be intimidating to someone who may be expecting a bigger response but, let's face it - we're all busy with 2+ kids and don't have time to respond to every single post. 

For me, I primarily think of myself as a MoM and this is the first place I come.  I didn't feel like I had much in common with the tri boards or the BMB.  This twin thing was so terrifying and overwhelming to me, it felt good to see posts from BTDT MoMs and I just couldn't relate to singleton pregnancies.  That carried over once they were born; this was the only place to get advice on multiples-specific things.  This place has been an invaluable resource to me.  

Mrs. Alice

jakstr0808:

I agree with several PPs. I lurk here a lot but only post occasionally because I don't feel like I have that much experience to offer. I definitely check this board any time I'm on the bump. I post more on my month board because most of my pregnancy questions and current experiences seem more relevant there with women at the same stage as me even if the answers might be slightly different for a MoM. I feel like this board seems more geared to MoMs with outside babies honestly, but that might just be because anyone who's going to be a regular is likely to have been on long enough to have their babies. Thought I know there are exceptions to this and are some pregnant regulars (mrsgreg...though i know her babies are out now and spinningjess are two that come to mind). I'm just thinking that once I have my two babies, I'll have a lot more in common with the women on this board than I do now as a pregnant woman with no children. And prob post a lot more with questions on how to handle everything times two!

Hey, I was wondering how you were doing.  It looks like you really get to be a September mama.  That is awesome you've made it so far along. Keep us posted when they come!

I remember jumping right over here the day I found out it was twins.  Back then, I don't think I had any concept  of lurking first or that boards could be cliquish. The thought of people thinking I was a faker didn't even cross my mind.  I had already been active on the trimester and birth month boards.  I've noticed some MoMs on the preemie board who don't post over here either.  Anyhow, I'm glad I've found this board and I feel welcomed and have learned a lot from you guys.

JosiePosy

Honestly, this was the only place I felt where I did fit in! I couldn't related to my birth month board because I delivered 2 months earlier than most of them. I couldn't relate to the my new month board because I hadn't been posting with them during my pregnancy. I found this board to be by far the most helpful with pregnancy questions and what to expect.

I will say that I didn't truly feel like a MoM until the girls finally came home. Once they were 100% my responsibility, it really sunk in. I understand what PP means about it being an "outside babies" thing. Obviously the regulars here don't feel that way, but really you just can't relate all that much until the kids are actually here. In the meantime, you feel like you're just on the edge of a cliff until they are born.

violaplayer

I've noticed this trend as well. I guess we're scary over here or something. I know I was intimidated at first and I also was afraid people would think I was a faker since I was new to the bump in general. But I ended up on TB when I was looking for multiples boards specifically.

DH says it is because we are all meanie poo poo heads.

sunshine610

I lurked here all through my pregnancy because to be honest, I was terrified the first 20 weeks that I was going to lose one of them, and then terrified the rest of my pregnancy that I was going to lose both with all of the complications that I had.

Now I lurk because I want to learn what I'm in for when they come home soon! This board has already been a great resource for me, hopefully once my LOs are home I can contribute as well.

RClaffee

Guilty. I don't know why, honestly; you all seem so nice. I think it is mostly that I just feel like I am so new to this that I don't really have too much to contribute. The board is great for information though!

Jen0204

punkin06:

 

i see a lot of support for the core members, but not very much for new folks.  it especially seems clique-ish when folks come on asking 'immature' questions about twin pregnancies.  i havent been on many of the nest boards except money matters but i get the sense that all of the different boards here have a core group of folks.

I disagree.  I've only posted here a couple of times, but when I have I've gotten some great information and support.  I do agree that every active board here has a "core" or regulars, but I think that's needed in order for the board to be active.  The only thing people here seem to get their hackles up about are fakers or people who ask how to intentionally get pregnant with twins.

CinemaGoddess

iluvadam:

I have noticed this as well.  I can only assume that they are posters that already have established themselves as members of a particular board and don't feel the need for the support over here.  Not sure though. 

This is me.  When I found out I was PG w/ the girls, I was a reg on the Seattle board.  There are several MoMs in that group so I felt more comfortable asking them questions because I'd "known" them for quite a while, one of them from as far back as The Knot days (2004/2005).  (Holla, MrsAmyB!)

I do lurk here and post from time to time.  I just never posted here enough to become a reg, ykwim?

 

kafunder

Jen0204:

punkin06:

 

i see a lot of support for the core members, but not very much for new folks.  it especially seems clique-ish when folks come on asking 'immature' questions about twin pregnancies.  i havent been on many of the nest boards except money matters but i get the sense that all of the different boards here have a core group of folks.

I disagree.  I've only posted here a couple of times, but when I have I've gotten some great information and support.  I do agree that every active board here has a "core" or regulars, but I think that's needed in order for the board to be active.  The only thing people here seem to get their hackles up about are fakers or people who ask how to intentionally get pregnant with twins.

I also disagree. I think this board may seem like it supports just a core group of regulars, but compared to some other boards, it is definitely open and very supportive. I love the Money Matters board, but it definitely is somewhat cliqueish and tough to really "break into." Much tougher than this board.

As to why some MoMs don't come here--like others have said, I think some of them already have home boards with groups of "friends." I, on the other hand, couldn't imagine how I'd have survived the past year without you ladies. I wouldn't have had a clue about what to do (and I'm probably be insane)!

BoLatina

mummyofsix:

I lurk here and post occasionally because my twins are older now. I would consider SAIF to be my home board... 

I wouldn't come here (if I got pregnant with twins again) because I think you guys are hypersensitive to 'fakers'.  I know (like every other board in the whole wide world) that you have had some, but I have watched first time posters get attacked right away because you guys think some part of her story doesn't make sense to you. I hope they were all 'fake', but thats awful if they weren't..

I would much rather indulge a faker in case it was true than accuse a genuine MoM of being fake/ a liar/ etc. So yeah, I would imagine that anyone who has spent longer than a week watching around here might be a little intimidated about that. Like I said, its why I wouldn't come here.  

 

I agree with the post above to some extent.  I am a lurker here and have 4month old twins and a 2yr old DS.  I did try to post some things here before but then I would see how one can get questioned about being real MoM or not that then I decided to not post.  I have since come to this board for information to which I say this board is very useful. 

mrsmac08

I didn't really find TB until I was pregnant with twins, so I automatically came here. I knew nothing about the board or really anything about message boards in general, but I really needed advice from people with experience. It's clear that there are a core group of posters, but I have always felt welcomed and received a ton of great advice!

klr210

I'll admit -- I'm sort of bummed about the responses. I'll address them with my feelings on some of the themes.

1. To those who don't post b/c they don't feel like they have much to offer, I'd ask you to reconsider. Not everything posted requires outside baby experience. A lot of times a post is to share good (sometimes bad) news or to get support. I have a toddler and twins on the way. I think in some situations my experience with DD1 is just as valuable to share, other times it isn't so I don't weigh in (ie tandem feeding or CIO with 2) but I think it's one way to connect with the other posters and regulars and it doesn't hurt to put in a congratulations or a perspective. I would think all (or most) opinions on this board are well received unless they are snarky. Also... hearing input/advice from a few core people will make the board more one sided and less well rounded. While some of the posters are certainly MoM experts, I always like more perspective.

2. As far as faker sensitivity.. .I agree. It's not without reason though. I don't mind the "here we go again" attitude towards the "OMG do you think it's twins" posts. BIG eye roll there. BUT -- I would agree that anyone asking if the babies are mo/mo mo/di etc.. in response to an intro is off putting. I'd rather give the new posters a chance to hang themselves with their outlandish faker AE stories over time than scare off women who NEED to be here. I will say that those who get that skeptical response usually start off with some bizarre "hi I'm xyz and here's my drama" where as other women who come and say "hi I'm abc and recently found out we're having twins" get the "congrats and welcome" response.

 

McGibbon51311

I'm one of those people. I found out I am expecting twins and I've posted on this board a couple of times, but primarily use the month board for when the babies are due. This board is extremely helpful for anything twin related, the MoMs give great advice for everything from labor and breast-feeding, to traveling and sleeping. But at least in the beginning of my pregnancy, I found that the March board helped me with things that weren't necessarily related to having twins - things like first prenatal appointments, morning sickness, weird cravings, and hitting the second trimester mark.

I also know that being a new poster, it is intimidating at first to post at all. So many women are already such established bumpers, and people have established friendships/relationships on here. I also see that there are people who fake having multiples (which I still don't understand why...or even how) and I don't want to be mistaken for one of those people.  

macchiatto

I can see what people are saying about how it can be a little tough to break in here if you're a newbie ... but I honestly found this board FAR more welcoming than TTC or the First Tri board, which were the two I was on before I found out at 12w that I was pregnant with twins. They seemed way more harsh and snarky than this board. My very first post over here was saying that I'd just found out that morning that I was having twins and that I was excited but shocked and scared, and I got a dozen or so responses that were all very encouraging and empathizing. The people we'd told so far were all just so EXCITED; I loved realizing that other MoMs could relate to the mixed feelings and being freaked out. Very reassuring. Then after that I lurked a lot for the next few months, just learning from everyone else, before I started posting much.

iluvadam

mummyofsix:

I lurk here and post occasionally because my twins are older now. I would consider SAIF to be my home board... 

I wouldn't come here (if I got pregnant with twins again) because I think you guys are hypersensitive to 'fakers'.  I know (like every other board in the whole wide world) that you have had some, but I have watched first time posters get attacked right away because you guys think some part of her story doesn't make sense to you. I hope they were all 'fake', but thats awful if they weren't..

I would much rather indulge a faker in case it was true than accuse a genuine MoM of being fake/ a liar/ etc. So yeah, I would imagine that anyone who has spent longer than a week watching around here might be a little intimidated about that. Like I said, its why I wouldn't come here.  

I do not agree with you.  When I came here last year an announced that I was expecting twins I was welcomed and congratulated with open arms. 

The veteran women on this board can spot a faker from a mile away and have every right to call them out on it.  I mean, if you had been here for as long as they had and had dealt with all the crazies coming here to play, wouldn't you be sick of it?

ksiana

I'm another "mainly lurker" type. Although, I will post when I know I can give some insight, even though it is usually from my experiences with my son and being pregnant with my girls. I think I'll feel more compelled to post more often after my girls are born. I do enjoy reading the posts that others write.

On the fake posters... I don't blame anyone for being snarky towards them. And I actually get a kick out the ridiculousness. It's entertaining when you are bored at work.

Just know I am grateful for all you awesome MoMs and MoMs to be.

Mrs_MBed

macchiatto:

I've noticed that, too. Personally, I was like you and bolted over here the night we found out we were having twins!

I don't think I officially introduced myself, but mostly just lurk. 

iluvadam

mummyofsix:

iluvadam:

The veteran women on this board can spot a faker from a mile away and have every right to call them out on it.  I mean, if you had been here for as long as they had and had dealt with all the crazies coming here to play, wouldn't you be sick of it?

Sure, if they are fakers. Of course people who are lying deserve to have their asses handed to them, but I have seen a few people just in my short time here get accused of it and thought "Well sh*t, I hope she really IS because otherwise thats pretty awful". 

There was a newbie a few months back who came here and hadn't known she was having twins til she was a little further along. IMMEDIATELY the questions started: "Didn't you have an u/s?!?!" "I think its BS that they wouldn't have seen them earlier." Lots of eye rolls and "get your lies straight". Then people started pressing her to post all her ultrasound pictures for proof.

She posted once. And unless she is getting her drama fix by asking about strollers and nice normal twin names months later, it does seem like she is actually having twins. Seriously, would YOU come back? She seemed like a scared girl who just didn't seem to have the knowledge and snark to fight back. 

I am not trying to debate the 'Are they or aren't they fake' argument, that happens everywhere. EVERYWHERE. A question was asked as to why people might not post here, and thats one reason why, IMO. 

 

I guess I can understand what you are saying I just don't feel the same way.  We will have to agree to disagree.    I am not sure what other boards you have spent time on but IMO this is one of least dramatic and snarky boards I have been on.

ougrad1

It's taken me awhile to read all the responses.  My oldest is sick and I've actually been reading this thread since 11 am and it's 2.45.  lol-

Anyway, great responses-all of them!  Thanks for the insight.  I try to stay away from the "faker" posts for the most part because I'm so no good at spotting them.

I truly would hate to see someone who was for reals get treated like sh!t.  That's just not how we roll around here.  Generally, when they are called out it is for good reason.

Thank you for all the lurkers for responding....I think it's great you guys are here!!! 

macchiatto

iluvadam:

I guess I can understand what you are saying I just don't feel the same way.  We will have to agree to disagree.    I am not sure what other boards you have spent time on but IMO this is one of least dramatic and snarky boards I have been on.

I totally agree.

nikilouhoo

I'm a mostly lurker, once-in-a-while poster. I have to say, I love this board! I'm always sharing tidbits with DH about what I read here. Fakers aside, this board is pretty low-key and drama-free. Maybe it's because we're so busy as MoMs that we don't have time for it? *shrug*

I wish I had more to offer (echoing what many have said before), which is why I don't always post. Sometimes, I feel like all I can say is "ditto" or ask questions. Plus, I'm a bit shy, so sometimes it can feel awkward butting into a conversation with many long-time posters who already know each other. Totally my issue - not because anyone has made me feel unwelcome.

Anyhoo - just my 2 cents.