Need Advice

Nesting.Away

Ok, I realize that this problem is one that others may think they want, but I am really struggling with this.

When I lost Sophia, I lost a lot of weight in a very short amount of time. I didn't eat much, if any, for days and my body completely changed. I got down to a size that I haven't been since high school and now I am right around there.

 The people I work with have never seen me at this size. When I came back after leave, the comments were mostly about how I was doing.... not about my size, though some were made. Last year was more of being gentle around me and checking in every once in awhile. Now this year, the comments have been pretty hurtful. "I wish I was that size." "Oh, you don't want to RUIN your diet, like I am" " You are too damn small" "I wish I could lose weight like you did".

Now under normal circumstances, I might have said the same things, but these people know that we lost our daughter and my grief has completely changed the way I look and eat. I don't really have an appetite and try to eat when I feel like I want to. It is hard. I just don't have the urge anymore. 

I feel like people are pissed because I look the way I do, even though it happened under the worst of conditions. I was bigger most of my adult life and I don't know how to handle this negative limelight on a daily basis. I know this might sound odd and even vain, but I really don't know how to handle everyone being in my business of being smaller. *sigh*

Maybe this is more of a vent.... help?

theworms

oh cutie, that must be so hard to hear

while being thinner is not a bad thing getting there because of such a tragedy is

are you comfortable saying something like

well, since losing my baby girl my appetite has changed and maybe saying it once will be enough to get them to STFU

i don't get why people are so dumb sometimes

you, no matter your size

 

amy1004

I really wish that I had something insightful to say.  I can't believe they are so insensitive and I am so sorry that you have to deal with them.  Just take care of yourself and we will listen when you need to vent.

vanessagorc

I find that others "get over" and "move past" our tragedies a lot faster than we do.  It's also often easier for people to assume we are OK, bc it's easier for them to deal with us.

They prob aren't viewing ur weight loss, in relation to your loss, anymore. 

Would u feel ok saying something like worms suggested?  Kind of brings it back into perspective for them.

HUGS

Nesting.Away

theworms:

are you comfortable saying something like

well, since losing my baby girl my appetite has changed and maybe saying it once will be enough to get them to STFU

 

I have done so with a few. One asked me how I lost so much weight and I told her losing a child caused me to lose my appetite. It just gets to be so infuriating. Yes, I have a new wardrobe. I had to buy everything new to go back to work. Yes, I have lost more weight. It means that I am not eating again because something has set me off again. I just feel like it is a never ending cycle and when I dress for work in my dress clothes, I get crap for "looking too nice." Argh!

Thanks, Girls. ((hugs))

SweetDahlia

I'm sorry:< People suck. I would be so upset.

Ginger71

This is what drives me nuts. I came from a house where "If you don't have anything nice to say,don't say anything at all". Why do people feel like they can make comments like that? Especially when they know what you have been through......

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

I have no advice but I am mad for you.

theworms

Nesting.Away:

theworms:

are you comfortable saying something like

well, since losing my baby girl my appetite has changed and maybe saying it once will be enough to get them to STFU

 

I have done so with a few. One asked me how I lost so much weight and I told her losing a child caused me to lose my appetite. It just gets to be so infuriating. Yes, I have a new wardrobe. I had to buy everything new to go back to work. Yes, I have lost more weight. It means that I am not eating again because something has set me off again. I just feel like it is a never ending cycle and when I dress for work in my dress clothes, I get crap for "looking too nice." Argh!

Thanks, Girls. ((hugs))

ok last suggestion

is there a teacher,principal, someone you are close to that can spread the word on your behalf? 

something like, please stop mentioning L's weight loss, it just reminds her of Sophia and it is not appropriate

((HUGS))

etoyama

Huge (((HUGS))). people need to STFU.

DeputiesWife

I am so very sorry you have to hear that. 

I think people are envious and I think that if you are eating and if you are conscious of knowing you need to eat and you are being healthy about it, you are fine.

Im thinking of you always. 

Rachael07.07.07

First (((hugs))).

I like Worms suggestion about maybe having someone on your behalf spread the word that it is hurtful and inappropriate to talk about your weight loss. 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You are beatuiful no matter what size and they just need to deal with their own insecurities in some other fashion.