If your DC has ADHD ...

shouldbworkin

How do your parents/ILs get along with your DC?  Are they good at understanding your DC's abilities/limitations?  Have you had conversations with them to explain your DC's dx and how it affects your DC?

 My parents kind of stink in this respect.  It's not really surprising since I'm fairly sure both of my sisters suffer from ADHD that has presented in different ways (my older sister has zero executive functioning skills and was quite ODD as a child, my little sister also has trouble with executive functioning but also was very socially immature) and my parents didn't deal with it well either.  They also don't relate well to MH who has ADHD.  My parents are a bit of control freaks, DS and DH have impulse control issues ... you can imagine how this could cause problems. 

 It can't hurt just to sit down and level with them, right?  If you've done this, did it help?

Jessys_Girl

My stepdaughter has ADHD and ODD, my stepson has Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD.  No one in DH's family or my family knew anything about those dx, so they weren't sure what behaviors were "normal/appropriate" for "kids like them".  I am a social worker so I 100% understand the workings of these disorders.  I sat both families down (sort of family meeting style) and explained to each of them what they should/shouldn't expect from the kids, how the kids' illnesses can effect the kids, and those people around them, and how to best handle any issues they may have.

I felt silly doing it, but in the end it seems to have helped.  I felt like they families should be educated and that that would help them develop compassion for what the kids are going through, and it seems to have done just that.

JellymanKelly

My parents are fantastic about it. MIL is also very understanding and doesn't really act like DS is different than any other kid (in a good way). I don't think FIL "gets it" so he is prone to getting frustrated with DS (ADHD, possible Asperger's, major receptive language delays). Family get togethers have been hard because DS ends up getting called out for certain things. This past Christmas, DH an FIL were asking DS to go look for something on our kitchen table and he was having trouble understanding what they were asking and couldn't find what he was supposed to be looking for. FIL got frustrated and snapped at DS about it, only to find out at our eye appointment the next week that DS had major vision problems and needed strong glasses. He truly couldn't see well enough to find what he was looking for. FIL felt horrible after that and apologized, which I appreciated. The problem is, he KNOWS about vision problems, he gets it. He doesn't know anything about the other issues. I think that's the problem with most of our parents's generation. They just don't know enough to know what to expect from our kids.

shouldbworkin

JellymanKelly:

 They just don't know enough to know what to expect from our kids.

Do you ever feel like they chalk it up to bad parenting?  I'm sure my parents think I'm not tough enough on DS, but being tough gets us nowhere (not to say he is without discipline, that's not the case at all). 

JellymanKelly

Absolutely! I'm sure there are people who think that giving DS a good spanking would cure whatever problems he has! Good luck with that. First, he has some sensory issues so who knows what it feels like when you spank him. It could feel like knives in his skin, who knows! Also, when you're stern with him he is stern right back, so losing your temper or being too firm doesn't get you ANYWHERE with my son.

Side note: Thank you, auto correct, for making parents' into parents's. My 3rd grade teacher is rolling over in her grave right now.

jlw2505

With my parents is not an issue at all, ADHD runs on my side of the family so my DD is not the 1st child to have it.  On my ILs side, both DH and I have explained everything to his parents and really kept them informed all along - during the testing and everything.  My MIL was a teacher many, many years ago but it does help.  They understand and accept both of my kids for who are they are and are really great with my kids (FIL all the time and MIL it really depends as she has some of her own health and mental issues that bring up totally different issues).  My SILs (DH's sisters) on the other hand drive me nuts.  One worse than the other - she totally doesn't get it and has zero patience for my DD and I just find it all really hurtful.