total failure (long meandering post)
my baby is 4 days old and I already feel like Ii am a complete failure. It hurts so much to nurse on my left side that I simply can't handle it. At the hospital, I was told that for the first night, my baby and I were latching wrong (no one told us and I had no idea what I was doing) so he had already gotten into the habit of just sucking on the nipple and of course, it bruised and was very painful. Each time a nurse would come help, we could get a better latch but since I was already so bruised, I was told to just kind of "suck up the initial latch-on." The problem is that I can't seem to get that good latch on my own so now I don't know whether he is even doing it right or if it is just residual pain from before. i really want to just try and suck up the pain on the left side but it hurts so much that I pretty much start crying every time. Now it is 12 midnight and I dread having to feed every two hours and feel horrible that I dont want to provide for my own child.
At our well baby check today, I was told that I had enough milk and she said something about letdown but when I looked it up tonight, I know I haven't felt that since nursing in the office this morning. I have a mini little handpump and can barely get anything out of it (it is just pieces from an electric pump that the hospital rents). I really want to breastfeed and not use formula or confuse him with a bottle.
LO is producing wet and dirty diapers as he should and does have that "milk drunk" look after feedings but I don't know if he is really getting enough because he is constantly giving feeding cues even right after 30 minute feedings. It feels like the nurses were all so judgey when they helped me, like I should have known he was doing it wrong or I should know to hold him a certain way so I am hesitant to call the advice nurse. I know I am a hormonal mess too, which isn't helping at all. I really need to get over this hump but have no idea what to do. I'm sorry this is so long, I must sound like such a complaining and selfish person, I just don't know what to do.
Re: total failure (long meandering post)
Firstly, congratulations on your baby!!
Secondly, you are not a failure. Your baby is only 4 days old. Both of you are new to this breastfeeding thing, which (contrary to popular belief) is not as "instinctive" as they all say. Are you seeing a lactation consultant at the hospital? One can work with you on getting your baby latched on right, and maybe she can give you a nipple shield to use while your nipples heal. Get some of those gel soothies too -- those are fantastic.
The first few weeks are going to be rough, but it gets better! You're not a failure! Hang in there!
pp had some great suggestions about a visit with a lactation consultant (we did) and temporarily using a shield to help with the pain.
i know it's not easy. bf'ing can still be a struggle and we're 8 weeks in. it certainly hasn't come naturally and for a while, i was just getting through one feeding at a time. but i did it with help and support and our girl is doing great.
you're doing a great job. make sure you're reaching out to anyone and everyone for help!
Hang in there! Contact your hospital's lactation consultant, and if they don't have one call your OB/Pedi/LLL to see if they can find one in your area to help you. It is frustrating, but once you get a little help with it everything will be OK. All of the PP had great suggestions, so hopefully they will help you.
But you're doing a great job. Never quit on your worst day!
You are not a failure! As everyone else has said, it's not easy. I had no idea what I was doing and neither did my LO at first. We succeeded becuase we had support at the hospital. I agree with pp to look to the La Leche Legue or a Lactation Consultant for help. Ditto on the pain easing...can you take Advil too?