What are you doing with LO?

octoberwed2008

 I'm running out of options of what to do with my DS while I'm in the hospital. I'm just wondering if everyone else has family that is taking their LO or what. I'm scheduled for a c section on a Friday and its crazy that I have no one to take him as my mom, MIL and SIL are refusing to not be at the hospital when I have this LO. DS is super active and theres just no way he would be ok in the waiting room with them for that period of time. Ugh, I really thought this wouldn't be a problem but it is!

knottie198f1ac43570b6c2

Oh goodness I thought you said you were scheduled for a c-section on Friday, and I started freaking out thinking you meant this Friday. I was thinking whoa that's hella early haha.

And I do apologize that I have no actual advice about what to do with LO.  

octoberwed2008

 Ha no problem and I guess I should have worded that better! No tenatively scheduled for 11/11/11!

authorofdreamz

What about your dad or FIL? Or maybe a friend or family-friend would be willing to watch him at least part of the time?

octoberwed2008

Nope, dad has never taken care of a child alone nor would i want him too. He would have no clue, and he never even changed our diapers when we were kids! FIL is unfortunately passed. Friends all have to work, boo!!!

jo&sam

I am having a repeat c-section as well.  Our plan is for my mom to watch my son (who will be 16 month old at the time).  If she decides that she wants to wrestle with him in the waiting room that is entirely up to her.  She will be the one that is miserable if it doesn't go well! 

Would one of them be willing to watch your son if they can take him to the waiting room with them?  My impression of the repeat c-section is that there isn't  lot of waiting around (unless an emergeny c-section get put in line ahead of you).  So the longest they would be waiting in there for you would be an hour or two...or maybe I'm completely off on that. 

authorofdreamz

It seems like your only option might be to hire someone then. Unless there is a way to schedule it for a time when your son might not be so active and would be able to sit in the waiting room like maybe later in the evening?

klreese0213

does your LO attend day care? maybe they could go for the day and someone could pick him up at the end of the day. 

i agree with pp... since it sounds like no one is willing to help your best bet might be to hire a babysitter. maybe a referral from a friend for someone.

have you asked extended family.. maybe a cousin with kids of similar age, and aunt or someone like that. 

Raffes484

I'm having a similar issue. My c-section is scheduled for 11-22-11 and being the Tuesday before Thanksgiving my Mom, who would normally watch my kids without being asked, can't. She is a teacher and she has parent/teacher conferences, so taking the day off is out of the question.

Even if I get MIL to watch the kids for the day, I will probably spend the remainder of my stay in the hospital without DH's company so he can be at home with our other 2. Both my Mom and MIL host Thanksgiving dinner so they will be spending those days preparing for their own thing and I know it would be impossible to do so with a 3yo and 18mo under foot.

BeccaMarie

I have a ton of people 'on call' for when the time comes. My IL's aren't capable of watching DD, and my mom lives out of state. She is going to come when I call, but if this labor is anything like DD's, she won't make it here before LO arrives.

 

I was really stressed at first, but then I realized that people *want* to help. Especially if youare having a scheduled c/s it isn't like you are waking anyone up at 2am. My plan is to getahold of whomever is most convenient at any given time, depending on when I go into labor.

 

My on-call people include 2 co-workers, a neighbor, my little bro, 2 teachers from daycare, a family I used to nanny for,a friend from high-school, a friend from college and the parent of one of DD's friends. Not everyoneis someone I would use on a regular basis, but DD will be fine with anyone of them until my mom gets in town. (or in your case, once your mom gets the thrill of meeting LO)

Twin.Peaks

@ options...have you actually asked your working friends? I bet any number of them would schedule the day off to help. Also, you should be dictating who can come to the hospital and if no one will willing to help I would toss them all out until they realize how unhelpful they are being. Buuuut, that just me and my hormones talking

 

My MIL is coming into town to watch the girls and I have 2 friends on back-up just in case. 

JessiF41684

I cant beleive so many are having an issue?? especially who have family around them. Im lucky in that my sisters are alot younger then me and will just do what ever I ask. So My 16 y/o sister will be watching my DS who will be 6. Im not to worried about it. but I cant beleive that even your sister in law is insisting on being there? I would be livid... sorry...

adri77

That sucks!  But at least you are a scheduled c-section.  I went into labor in the middle of the night and my neighbors, who had said they's watch DS1 (21months at the time) fell through....so we had to yank him out of bed and bring him with us.  I had to labor several hours alone b/c DS was throwing fits in the room. All of our family is several hours from the hospital. It was horribly stressful.

This time.....I have several neighbors lined up to stay with the boys until my parents or some kind of family can get here.  I'm still totally stressing about having to potentially wake up my neighbors in the middle of the night to come over...but what can you do?  Best of luck to you!

Mrs.Priester2b

I never really thought about my family being at the hospital during my c-section.  My 2yr will be with either my mom (who is coming from out of town) or my in-laws.  I just figured DH would call them when we are out of surgery to come to the hospital. 

Can you bring toys and coloring books to the hospital to occupy his time?  What about a favorite movie he can watch on a laptop?  Not sure what time you are scheduled for but how about taking him to breakfast or lunch?  I just can't imagine between the 3 of them, they can't keep him occupied!  They sound like they are being pretty selfish.

SuzJune04

A few of my working friends have nannies that don't mind an extra kid (every now and then...for extra pay of course).  Maybe try out the arrangement before your scheduled c-section to see if it works?

Otherwise, I'd bring along the DVD players, some new big brother toys, coloring books, etc to the waiting room and let your family tough it out.  There are three of them so they can take turns walking around the hospital keeping him entertained.  Just make sure they have a carseat if they need to take him home for a nap (they may decide that is best if they experience a cranky kid...lol).  If you have a stroller there, would your DS nap in that (esp if they walk it around)?

My family ends up with a lot of scheduled c-sections (all breech babies) and we just bring the kids along in the waiting room.

catrinawaves

I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous. But I never understood the appeal of waiting at the hospital, anyway.

My mom is going to watch DS for us, and if something comes up, then my MIL will.

In a sense, you are lucky since you know when you're going to have the baby. Since your family is refusing to help you out, I would just hire a babysitter for that day. I'd try to have it be someone who DS is familiar with, though, so maybe you can have the sitter over a few times before then?

GL!

jaminjeff

octoberwed2008:

 I'm running out of options of what to do with my DS while I'm in the hospital. I'm just wondering if everyone else has family that is taking their LO or what. I'm scheduled for a c section on a Friday and its crazy that I have no one to take him as my mom, MIL and SIL are refusing to not be at the hospital when I have this LO. DS is super active and theres just no way he would be ok in the waiting room with them for that period of time. Ugh, I really thought this wouldn't be a problem but it is!

I would go to mom, MIL and SIL and say, "Look, there is no one to watch DS, so unless one of you is willing to help out, I don't know what else to do."  I'd keep pleading with them until they gave in, I think that is BS that they'd wait in the waiting room rather than relieve you of the stress of finding someone to care for DS.

I don't see the appeal of waiting in the waiting room either like some of the other posters suggested and if you were my family member, I'd rather do something to help you out rather than make more work for you.

smilelari

My parents won't be at the hospital because they are in charge of DS.  They can bring DS up later when there is a baby to show off.

Mom2Cinderella

Could you possibly hire a babysitter? Since you know the date and time and it should be morning, maybe you could hire someone for the daytime until the surgery and recovery is over.  Then after that, you will have family visiting so LO can visit you.  Then grandparents can all go home and take LO with them. 

pghjen

I can't believe that your family isn't willing to help watching your son.  I would ask your mom to watch him in the waiting room or to bring him to the hospital immediately after the c-section.  And I would tell the family that wants to wait in the waiting room that your son meets the new baby first before any other family members, so if your DH has to go and get him, it could be a really long wait for them.

shelbyluvschachi

pghjen:

I can't believe that your family isn't willing to help watching your son.  I would ask your mom to watch him in the waiting room or to bring him to the hospital immediately after the c-section.  And I would tell the family that wants to wait in the waiting room that your son meets the new baby first before any other family members, so if your DH has to go and get him, it could be a really long wait for them.

Agreed.  Sorry you're having to deal with this.  I can't belive your family isn't willing to be helpful at a time like this. 

Gen & Joel

will they watch him at there home for a few hrs while you have the baby and then maybe bring LO there later on?

I don't have anyone lined up yet since i don't know when it will be but if it's my MIl's day off which is sat-tues she'll watch Lo during the day and DH will stay home with Lo overnight except if i'm in labor at night. it will work out..if worse comes to worse LO will come i guess because MIL is like the only person he will stay with besides us.

octoberwed2008

 Thanks for all the input ladies! Yeah they have all been really difficult to deal with through this whole thing. I understand that it's unfair for me to expect them to put their whole lives on hold, but good grief it's not like this is an everyday occurance! I'm giving birth for crying out loud! I'm thinking more and more that I'll just have to bring him to the hospital. My mom is being ridiculously selfish and even said that she would rather be there without MIL and SIL there so I should let her be there and tell them they can't come. I mean its so ridiculous its not even funny. My DH and I are to the point that we are just like screw everyone and we will just figure it out between us. To the pp about my friends taking off of work to watch him, thats def. not going to happen! Most of them are having financial troubles and can't afford to and the ones that can are more like aquaintances that wouldn't do that. Thanks for the suggestions.

Twin.Peaks

octoberwed2008:

 Thanks for all the input ladies! Yeah they have all been really difficult to deal with through this whole thing. I understand that it's unfair for me to expect them to put their whole lives on hold, but good grief it's not like this is an everyday occurance! I'm giving birth for crying out loud! I'm thinking more and more that I'll just have to bring him to the hospital. My mom is being ridiculously selfish and even said that she would rather be there without MIL and SIL there so I should let her be there and tell them they can't come. I mean its so ridiculous its not even funny. My DH and I are to the point that we are just like screw everyone and we will just figure it out between us. To the pp about my friends taking off of work to watch him, thats def. not going to happen! Most of them are having financial troubles and can't afford to and the ones that can are more like aquaintances that wouldn't do that. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

well, the entire situation stinks and Im sorry. We do not tell anyone we are in the hospital until the baby/babies have arrived. I cant imagine what these people are thinking. i would send a email to all 3 of them and let them know how hurt you are. I would tell them that if they are free to sit in the hospital and do nothing then they should be free to watch your child. I would tell them to figure out a plan for watching the baby or no one comes to the hospital. Even if that means THEY pay for a sitter. They need to step up and grow up. 

I really hope something gets worked out soon!!

zebrastripes

I am also having a csection. MIL will be taking DD for the time I'm in the hospital. There is no way me or hubby could watch her nor would it be any fun for her to stay with us until I am released. My MIL lives 4 hours away and is planning on taking her back to her house for the time being. Me and DH don't like that DD will be away for 3-4 days but we both feel it is best for her to go be spoiled by grandma.

 Am I understanding this correctly, your MIL, mom, and SIL are refusing to come to the hospital ?  Or they are going to be staying at the hospital? If they are refusing to come to the hospital, I would kindly ask them if they could watch DS and just let SO go get him to meet LO or just DS meet LO when you get released. If they are going to staying at the hospital the whole time, I would basically tell them you don't need them there and you really need someone to watch DS. If they can't be kind enough to watch DS, then I wouldn't want them there at the hospital and tell them you can't have LO unless someone can watch DS. I don't like forcing things on people, but in a case like this, they are just being ugly. Someone needs to step up and help you out. I would also tell them you have no one to watch him and really need help.

909bride

Seriously...what do they expect you do to with LO while having a c-section?  I would tell them (one of them, at least) that you NEED them to watch LO.  If they want to try to keep LO entertained in a waiting room, then so be it.  I think you have enough to deal with than to worry about them having problems with LO b/c LO doesn't want to sit in a waiting room.  (Sorry if this sounds mean, it's not supposed to.)  But I just think they should step in and offer to help.  I feel bad that you are having the added stress of figuring this out. 

vanessa11411

DD will be coming with us as long as I go into labor during the week. She goes with her dad every weekend. We'd probably keep her anyways though, because I'd like her to be the first after DH and I to see LO. We live with my SIL and her husband so she would most likely sleep at home and then my DH pick her up and bring her in. We live about 3 minutes from the hospital. I'll be packing up her NintendoDS and some stuff for her to do.

jnealet

Ugh!  Your mom needs to grow up.  Tell her she's stressing you out so much you might not want to see her after you have the baby.    Play her game.

 For us, MIL will be in town and if she wants to be at the hospital, then DD will go do daycare for the day.  I fully expect DH to go back and forth from the hospital and honestly, I'm looking forward to the alone time with DD2.

MommaErica

Wow.  I've seen some posts about selfish family members but yours really take the cake.  It's not like they CAN'T watch him, they are simply choosing not to because they would rather be at the hospital.  The first thing I would do would be to tell the whole lot of them that they ARE NOT welcome at the hospital.  You will NOT be receiving visitors there and you will call them to arrange times to visit after you and the new baby are home.  They are completely ignoring what YOU NEED during this, and worse, they are completely disregarding your son's NEEDS at this time. I would not allow anyone to cast off my son and treat him as unimportant just because he's having a new sibling.  That's horrible.  I'd cut that behavior off right now.  Seriously, if they don't care about you and don't care about your son, why on earth would you even want them right there to be the first to lay eyes on the cute new baby?  This is completely unacceptable. 

Second. I'd get on the phone to friends, coworkers, local daycares, an employment agency, the career center at a local college, anywhere and everywhere and look for recommendations.  You have enough time to interview people and have your son get to know them.  It looks like you'll need to hire someone so, start now. 

octoberwed2008

 Thanks again everyone! I still haven't figured out the day of surgery but I have figured out the days after thank GOD!!! They are all just being ridiculous about everything! I asked my mom the other day if she could make me two of my favorite meals that she makes that I could freeze and my DH could make for when I come home and she said "I guess I could do that, just let me know when you buy the ingredients and I'll make it". Seriously? None of our family members on either side (dh's side doesn't surprise me in the slightest!) are helping out AT ALL after I'm home from the hospital. So DH will have a lot on his plate between my recovery, the new baby, and DS and now you can't even make two dinners for us? She's not broke or struggling in the slightest!! I'm jsut flabergasted at the whole situation! She also then told me that it was ridiculous that I am having DH stay with me the first night because she had knee surgery and that was way worse and nobody stayed the night with her to help her. I mean where did this woman come from? She's not even acting like herself! As far as telling them they can't come, I already did that and they said that they will sit outside maternity until I allow them in. I know they love us and I know they want to be there and I want them too but if I'm begging for help with my son, I don't know what they expect me to do. I'm super stressed about it but thank God I have an amazing DH who keeps telling me that somehow he will make sure everything will be fine. Thanks again ladies I'm working on it!! I've thought of a two other people to ask so off to them next!