Are we being unreasonable
Do you think we are being unreasonable. My SD?s mom called us on Friday well actually her BF called DH to see if she could get her Monday or Thursday to go to our State Fair (and if Thursday she wanted to keep her through the weekend instead of bringing her back Thursday night?which I understand). We were not home at the time so said we would probably get back to her Her BF?s dad was taking them as the kid?s birthday presents. She called again twice on Saturday (my DD?s 1st birthday party was on Saturday and we had company over all day so we did have time to deal with it). I did answer the phone the second time just to let her know we would call her back later on that night or the next day after we could look at the calendar. Well H and I took a few minutes to look at the calendar and determined that Monday would be a better day because long story short, we were waiting for SD?s orientation which was today to get her final supply list so we could go shopping. Parent orientation is tonight and then we were going to do shopping on Wed/Thurs because those were the only days we would have available with her being gone on the weekend. I did mention about a month ago we told her that the last week before school was out of the question for extended visit so we could get ready etc. She is made now because apparently Thursday is the only day that will work because his dad took the day off...so I am sure she lied to make us feel bad. Well, his dad is retired because H has talked to him numerous times and the State Fair runs through Labor Day. That?s beyond the point. She is trying to play games. I guess. We told her Monday was the only day that would work so now she isn?t getting her way so she is mad and keeps calling me. If Monday wasn?t a good day for her I am curious why it was even an option. I don?t know what else to tell her. I did tell her that she needs to really start planning stuff like that during the time that SD is at her house because we are expected to do the same and she points it out if we even mention that we have something going on by saying ?is that on your weekend?. We rarely ever plan anything on her weekend?within our control and if it?s out of our control SD doesn?t get to go?unless it?s school related then we ask BM first. most of the time we are very flexible but with our busy work schedules this just is not going to work.
Re: Are we being unreasonable
I don't know the whole situation, but I agree with PP.
Does she need to go with you to get school supplies? If so, how long does it take.
Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. Let the kid go. Let her have a good time.
Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, because when you get a mountain you wont know what to do with it.
If she gave you two days and asked which worked better then no you are not being unreasonable.
But at the same time you can knock out BTS shopping in one day. They do not need a whole new wardrobe to star school in. Pick out an outfit or two when you go out shopping and take her shopping again later after school starts.
This.
Also, i feel like you were TRYING to be difficult by not just deciding and calling her back right away. She called you two days in a row, I'm sure somewhere in that 48 hours you had time to check a dang calendar! Plus, she's asking for time for THIS week, how do you not know your schedule for the week ahead of you?
If we had the same situation happen in our family and BM called on a Friday DH would've said "Hang on a sec, let me check with Jessys_Girl to make sure, but that sounds like Monday would work best for us"....he'd put the phone on hold, double check with me, I'd say "Yeah, Monday's better because we have to go BTS shopping" and then he'd tell her, ON THE SPOT an answer so that everyone could make plans. By delaying calling her back for several days, you pushed her and her FIL into having to decide on a day without your input, and then were peeved that they day they decided on didn't work for you!
And also, you say "oh we just got the school supply list just now", regardless, you knew you'd NEED to go shopping, whether or not you knew what items you were going to buy you were aware that you would need to go...so you knew your schedule and intentionally made it difficult for her to make plans with her child.
Is there a reasonable explanation for waiting so long to return her call? When someone is making plans (especially w/ kids!) and you wait that long to get back to her, you help create this kind of problem.
I guess I've missed seeing the shoes, clothes, backpacks, lunchbox and water bottle sections of Staples.
I think two days is pretty short to get everything done! But, I agree, it seems you could be a little more flexible on your timeline, though I know how I feel with only a few days to go until school starts, and they've got all the winter boots and coats out, now, too.
I really don't think so. It would have been one thing to give us a week notice but only 2 days....really. We had planned to call her later on the next evening...like I said we didn't get home the night they called until 10:30 p.m. (they called at 7:30 p.m.). We planned to call her back the next evening.
It's mostly her thinking she can get her way all the time. Again, she gave us two options, we picked the option that was best for us because that's what she asked and it apparently wasn't what she wanted and whatever. And who's business is it who deals with BM in setting up visitation? I know I am not the only SM that does. WE all work together as a team. Her BF called my husband first...not that that means anything but we all have to raise this child so we all have to get along. Most the time we do. She came over to the house last night to discuss options and we sat out there and BS'd for 30 minutes.
It's always been this way.. We are all ok with it so who cares! BM calls me, textss to me, emails me etc. all the time. she also talks to DH, but most the time if she tries calling during the day...which doesn't happen often, just every now and then I am available...DH isn't because he works in a "dungeon" but I just started this new job and was in training so I couldn't. Like I said most the time it's not an issue but things didn't work out this time. Like I said, it was all resolved so who cares at that point. She rearranged something to make it work. BM said that she was only available on Thursday because she was doing back to school stuff the rest of the week too so tell me again how many days it should take?...and she doesn't work. My husband and I both don't get home until late then there is dinner, dealing with the baby etc...so we have to plan it. I can't take time off because I just started a new job and H has to use his last few days for his sisters wedding so this is all we have. SD has also had bts orientations and other things to get ready (starting 9th grade) a few evenings (this week and last).
Like I said we were not home at the time of the call and I wasn't sure what the back to school schedule was as far as her events at the school and what the times were. I knew there were a few but I just put them on the calender a month ago so I wasn't sure off hand. We got home at like 10:30 that night and went straight to bed and knew we would not have a chance to call them back until later and DH told them we were out and would not get back to them until later on the next day... We did not delay calling them back. I made contact with her on Saturday evening letting like 30 minutes after she called the 2nd time letting her know that Monday was better and tried to make contact with her again on Sunday with no answer from her until she called back on Monday. We didn't push them into deciding anything.. The chose two days we picked one in a reasonable amount of time..my guess is in the end BM wasn't happy with that so got all pissy...regardless of any excuse, that's what we decided would be best because of the school activities etc.
To each there own. I didn't deal with BM in the beginning but believe it or not we do have a good relationship. We have had our differences but her daughter lives with us full time and we are connected by our children for life so we get along. Normally things go pretty smoothly. In the time we have been doing this, this is one of maybe a few that there have been a disagreement. We are always really flexible and give her extra time when it allows...it didn't work out the best time given the circumstances and timing. I didn't say she has to be right and I am not trying to make her wrong. It's definitely easier when there is no conflict. I said she wants to get her way and if she doesn't get her way then...well...it's the wrong way. She gave us two options we gave her what was best for us, she didn't like that so it makes me wonder why that was even an option then and she wanted us to change our mind. Our worlds don't always revolve around hers and we do have stuff going on.