Religious gifts... What do you do?

shaindelr

Hey, All,

I've seen lots of WWYD posts on here about expensive presents, so I thought I'd open up a debate about religious gifts. My LO is only going on 5 months old, but already someone in my family got him a set of little religious-themed books. I put them in a bag of things to donate, but I'm thinking of looking at them and seeing how didactic they are before I decide if I'm giving them away.

I'm not anti-religious books if I can say, "Different people have different beliefs" or "Different cultures have different stories they tell," but I'm not comfortable with "God wants you to do x, y, z"... For example, I have books like, The Children's Book of Jewish Holidays, which I think is educational whether or not you ascribe to any certain religion.

When I taught at Roosevelt University, I used to teach an essay called "Do Kids Need Religion?" that debated what atheists/agnostics should tell their children when other people say things to them like, "Grandma went to Heaven," but theory seems to be a little different than real life, so I'm wondering what you guys do TIA!

 

 

 

anna7602

DH is Jewish and I'm Catholic. Neither of us is particularly observant, but we do follow cultural traditions like sharing Passover meals with friends & family and celebrating things like DD's feast day.

What it comes down to for me is more of what you say- books that teach stories and general moral principles I agree with (there's nothing wrong with love thy neighbor, in my opinion) over books that might say something more hard core that would be difficult for any child to manage, much less a child being raised in an interfaith household. (Ok, I hesitate to say interfaith because that would assume DH and I have a definitive plan regarding DD's religious upbringing and we actually don't yet. We're winging it.)

I say read the books and see what they say and how they make you feel. If they make you feel uncomfortable, by all means, give them away to someone who could really use them.

tct1219

I agree with you as far as educational vs opinionated sources. I've been collecting books on a lot of different religions for a while so that someday, hopefully my children can read about what interests them and feel free to ask questions. In general, I don't like answering something (especially a religious question or the definition of a word) with my own words if I can help it because it can accidentally confuse a child or give the wrong idea. I'm hoping that having lots of informational resources around and an emphasis on obtaining facts from legitimate sources will eventually help curb any confusion.

HopingForOne

I am religious.  DH is not.  So I get very confused when people send him greeting cards that are religious.  So I would also be confused as to why someone would give you religious-themed books if you are not. Are they unaware of your beliefs, or are they trying to push something on you?

I know that doesn't really help you out at all :P  Just sharing my thoughts.

GHBEA

I would put it in a box and then put it on a shelf.  I would not have to say I got rid of it nor would I have to show/share it my LO.

shaindelr

I'm pretty sure my grandma thinks she's "saving our souls." She sends religious tracts with the "important points" highlighted. She's in her 80s now and lives 2,000 miles away, so I'd rather not say anything to her about it but just wondered how other people have handled things like this.

Thanks, Everyone!

jen5-03

If the book is a basic Bible story, say a book on Noah's Ark, I'd probably be ok with that. It's a story that I think is culturally relevant - and that's my way of saying I don't want my kids to feel stupid for not knowing the gist of what Noah's ark is if someone mentions it.

But we've also gotten some that are just plain annoying/cheesy/over-the-top about religion and most of those get tossed. I say most because one or two have slipped by. And now DD loves the dang things and I can barely read them without rolling my eyes.

So I guess my answer is, if the book doesn't offend or annoy you, it's ok. Otherwise, toss it before your kid sees it!

schmoodle

We are not at all religious. However, my family is Jewish and a family friend signed us up for the Jewish United Fund's free children's books. We read our son the ones about Jewish holidays or trips to Israel, but anything that mentions god in a factual light we shelve and don't read. We've also received some overtly Christian books for each child from my mom's secretary (who presumably knows that our family is Jewish, even if she doesn't know my personal lack of belief) and while DH wanted to get rid of them, I wasn't comfortable with getting rid of a gift so they, too, are shelved. If he gets old enough to ask to read them I will read them but try tom explain why any faith based concepts therein are simply what some believe and not all, and not fact.

plroland88

good question! im religious/spiritual and my dh is not. which is recent btw. if it were me i would keep the books because i would feel bad giving away a gift. 

UnderAtree

My great aunt has gotten DS two religious books and all I did with them is put them on the top shelf of the book case. I'm a cradle catholic and family members know I no longer practice but it bothers me that they try to push it onto my son.

I would take a look at the books and if they seems okay I would hold onto them and let your LO decide what to do with them.

RunningGal900

shaindelr:

I'm pretty sure my grandma thinks she's "saving our souls." She sends religious tracts with the "important points" highlighted. She's in her 80s now and lives 2,000 miles away, so I'd rather not say anything to her about it but just wondered how other people have handled things like this.

Thanks, Everyone!

Since it is your grandma, I would keep them. If you are okay with them, read them to Liam. If not, stick them in a box someplace. However, if it was another family member or it gets annoying because they are sending a bunch of books, then personally, I would tell them to stop.

For example, my husband and I are religious. A friend of ours who practices Mormonism constantly used to send us the Book of Mormon, have people call us about it, send people to our doors. I finally had to have a sitdown with her and tell her to stop. I have no problem with reading DS a book about what Mormons believe, but we are not Mormon, we're Methodist! It got to a point where she was just being downright disrespectful of our beliefs.

shaindelr

MandJS:

We're Jewish and practicing, so for us, it's a no brainer. We have a number of Judaism books/toys, and when appropriate, we pull them out. That's what works for us. But like with so many other aspects of parenting, if that doesn't work for you, then I would donate them.

And when the Christmas/Easter conversation come up (which they inevitably will), I'll explain to the best of my ability why we don't believe in and/or celebrate Jesus. And probably then point out all the other fun/wonderful/etc. things that we DO believe in and/or celebrate.

Thanks so much. I looked at them and put them back in the box to donate. I really figure if they fit someone else's belief system, they'll do someone else good, whereas sitting on my bookshelf, they'll just take up space, and I don't like the message they're sending, so I'd rather not have them around.

Here's a portion:

But you and I we're not like Him

we have a problem deep within.

We do wrong things that break God's heart.

We're sinful right from the start.

---

Despite the horrific rhyme scheme, I don't think I want to raise my child thinking we're all inherently bad. And that page has a picture of a little boy crying because he's "sinful." I guess if you're sticking with the a-a-b-b rhyme scheme, you can't really explain tabula rasa, huh?

ctab

shaindelr:

Thanks so much. I looked at them and put them back in the box to donate. I really figure if they fit someone else's belief system, they'll do someone else good, whereas sitting on my bookshelf, they'll just take up space, and I don't like the message they're sending, so I'd rather not have them around.

Here's a portion:

But you and I we're not like Him

we have a problem deep within.

We do wrong things that break God's heart.

We're sinful right from the start.

---

Despite the horrific rhyme scheme, I don't think I want to raise my child thinking we're all inherently bad. And that page has a picture of a little boy crying because he's "sinful." I guess if you're sticking with the a-a-b-b rhyme scheme, you can't really explain tabula rasa, huh?

Yikes!  I'm a practicing Catholic, and I find that rhyme disturbing.  We are created in the image and likeness of God.  He came down to earth, and became one of us.  That is pretty darn like us to me.  Religious books are like every other kid book out there.  Some are just really bad, and as a religious person I can tell you that a book with that rhyme in it would either get donated or go straight to the trash. 

joleneandbean

shaindelr:

Despite the horrific rhyme scheme, I don't think I want to raise my child thinking we're all inherently bad. And that page has a picture of a little boy crying because he's "sinful." I guess if you're sticking with the a-a-b-b rhyme scheme, you can't really explain tabula rasa, huh?

Ha!

DH and I are "out" atheists and we're starting to deal with this as we get gifts for our new DD. I haven't really committed to what we'll do once she's more verbal, but I agree with keeping the books that can be used as educational tools without a didactic message. It's great to know the story of Noah's Ark, but we will be sure to let her know that it's a story. Of course, we'll teach her that people have different beliefs and we all get to decide for ourselves (when the time comes). But when it comes to books with overtly religious messages, they're definitely going to the thrift store until she's old enough to talk through these ideas.

The real challenge for me has been to figure out how to stand my ground without offending religious family members who we love very much. Everyone knows where we stand, though, so I probably don't have too much to w orry about.