I feel completely taken for granted lately

mlm1128

Ever since I stopped working, it seems that I am some kind of servant in my own home. I do everything. I cook, aclean, do laundry and handle all the bills. I take out the trash. I go to all school meetings for dd and ss, including orientations and meetings that are at night. I even did all of the hurricane proofing because dh was "busy". Busy was golfing on Friday after work, an all day stag party on Saturday. On Sunday, he told me to get up early and get ready so we could get to my parents before the storm got bad. This was apparently just a ploy to get me and dd out of the house since he dropped us and came home to rest and never came back.

I am tired. I see no reason why I should be completely responsible for ss, since he has a mother. She does jack ***, and I don't think she even knows where his school is. Of course I want to do theses things for dd, so that is not an issue. I don't mind doing all the cleaning, since I am home. But act like you appreciate things once in a while. And ss could get off of his ass and help too. He helped me in the yard Saturday. I have NEVER seen a person move slower in my life. I know that he was trying to get me to say I was all set. I didn't. It took 3 times as long as it should have, but he was not getting out of it. I know all teen agers are lazy, and it isn't just him. But dh never makes him do anything, it's always me.

I am probably going to blow up tonight, since this has been building up for a while. I never blow up, so it will probably freak every one in the house out. But I just can't do all of it anymore. Just because I don't go to a job does not mean I do nothing all day. I can't keep up anymore. 

 

acppa

mlm1128:

Ever since I stopped working, it seems that I am some kind of servant in my own home. I do everything. I cook, aclean, do laundry and handle all the bills. I take out the trash. I go to all school meetings for dd and ss, including orientations and meetings that are at night. I even did all of the hurricane proofing because dh was "busy". Busy was golfing on Friday after work, an all day stag party on Saturday. On Sunday, he told me to get up early and get ready so we could get to my parents before the storm got bad. This was apparently just a ploy to get me and dd out of the house since he dropped us and came home to rest and never came back.

I am tired. I see no reason why I should be completely responsible for ss, since he has a mother. She does jack ***, and I don't think she even knows where his school is. Of course I want to do theses things for dd, so that is not an issue. I don't mind doing all the cleaning, since I am home. But act like you appreciate things once in a while. And ss could get off of his ass and help too. He helped me in the yard Saturday. I have NEVER seen a person move slower in my life. I know that he was trying to get me to say I was all set. I didn't. It took 3 times as long as it should have, but he was not getting out of it. I know all teen agers are lazy, and it isn't just him. But dh never makes him do anything, it's always me.

I am probably going to blow up tonight, since this has been building up for a while. I never blow up, so it will probably freak every one in the house out. But I just can't do all of it anymore. Just because I don't go to a job does not mean I do nothing all day. I can't keep up anymore. 

 

Yeah, I'd say it's an issue...  

If you need help from your DH ask him for it.

Rebekah1021

I know the feeling...it builds up and then explodes.

I would totally be upset about having to do hurricane prep myself while DH was out. 

MrsStubbs

Take a day off, stop doing things until your H starts helping. I'm sorry, from what you have said about your SS, I just bet he doesn't really know how to work hard, from everything your have said about his mom.

mlm1128

Your right, he has no idea how to do anything. It's not his fault, but he needs to learn at some point. DH doesn't like to make him do things, because he seriously has enough issues. But he's going to have a whole lot more if he goes out into the world knowing nothing. He's almost 15 and has no idea how to even wash a dish. I have to redo them every time, no matter how often I show him.

By that age, my brothers and I were doing our own laundry!

And dh just assumes that I am here, so I can do it. When I do ask for help (and I do) he says OK, I'll do it. And it takes 3 days...like most men get to things. It does get done, but I hate to wait so I just do it myself if it isn't right away. Part of it is of course my own fault. I feel like I should be doing most of it, since I'm not working. But that's not true. I should get a break once in a while too. 

Cbidt's girl

Is SS on meds for depression? You mentioned the slowness and hypersomnia in other recent posts and I know he's in treatment with a therapist, but I just wonder if some of this could be addressed in an easier way (easier for you) cuz you can't undo all that his bio mom has done.

mlm1128

Nope. They don't think he needs medication. I think he does, but I am not a professional. I am going to give it a good month or so into the new school year and see if there are any changes from last year. If not, I am pushing for medication.

Cbidt's girl

mlm1128:

Nope. They don't think he needs medication. I think he does, but I am not a professional. I am going to give it a good month or so into the new school year and see if there are any changes from last year. If not, I am pushing for medication.

The meds question is tricky with adolescents (I am a professional, but have obviously no idea what your SS needs since I have such limited knowledge). You seem like such a great mom and SM and lately I've noticed your frustration has increased with what seem like symptoms of depression to me. Stuff like wearing out after 1/2 hr of an activity, the slowness, the hypersomnia - it could be adolescent anger, learned behavior from bio mom or it could be escalating depression(or likely, a combo of all 3). In your duscusion with his dr you could also inquire about non presciption ideas such as vitamin D, st. Johns wort etc... And in response to your OP... I'd be pissed at DH too. Take a girls night out soon if you can.

ridesbuttons

mlm1128:

Your right, he has no idea how to do anything. It's not his fault, but he needs to learn at some point. DH doesn't like to make him do things, because he seriously has enough issues. But he's going to have a whole lot more if he goes out into the world knowing nothing. He's almost 15 and has no idea how to even wash a dish. I have to redo them every time, no matter how often I show him.

By that age, my brothers and I were doing our own laundry!

 

Your husband's thinking on this is completely backwards.  You know that.  Giving a kid, a person responsibility is giving them a gift.  Being able to take care of oneself is a necessary lesson.  Your SS (whatever issues he may have) will only feel better about himself if he can contribute to household.  Having a sense of self worth starts right inside the home.

Your husband is a grown man.  You really shouldn't have to ask him to pick up the slack.  You sound like you are on call 24/7 with no real downtime.  Don't martyr yourself, it will backfire one way or another.

Vent away on this board, but for your sake, have sit down with your husband when you are alone and calm and hash out some of the details.  What you have described sounds like it will implode eventually.

Bride2b2004

I think you have very good reasons for being upset.  I have noticed other SAHMoms become what seems like SAHServant and that would NOT be for me.  I am a SAHM- I take care of the children when DH is working, usually throw in laundry and keep the dishes/kitchen tidy, but everything else we pretty much split (real house cleaning, going to meetings, even grocery shopping, etc.).  If I didn't have 2 young children (and one OTW) I would probably take over more of the house cleaning (since I wish we had time to do more), but I would be offended if DH thought he had a 40 or 50 hour/week job and my "job" was 24/7 care of children, house and home.  Sounds like you have good reasons for feeling taken for granted.  Hopefully a heart to heart could get your feelings aired and you can come to an understanding.  

BTW, I had a SM and it was tough because my dad (like your DH) sort of took a backseat to things and my SM was in the driver's seat for "teaching" and punishment.  While your role is important (and it seems like you are doing a great job- MUCH better job than my SM ever did), IMO his father really needs to take the reins with discipline, talking to teachers and teaching life skills (especially if his mom is a slacker).