SAHMs - do you think being older makes it tougher?

smerka

I lurk over here especially when things get too high school on the other boards. Anyway, I'm struggling with adjusting to being a SAHM after working for 13 years. I think it's just the ages of my kids, but I'm feeling very trapped. DH and I were talking about it and he suggested talking to his mom about it. I said she wouldn't understand since she had her kids very young (three by 24) and didn't work before hand. So my question to you is this. Do think that being older and having spent most of your adult life without kids makes it harder to be a SAHM or is it just hard at any age?

af2004rn

I do think being a SAHM is tough despite a woman's age. However, I do think that when your identity for many years has been wrapped around a career, it can bring additional challenges. I have wanted to be a SAHM with 5-6 kids since I was about 4. As of April, I finally got my wish and I have been having some rough days. I now work part-time and it has really helped me regain my sense of self.

 All that to say, yes, I do think being older can make it tough. I think the key is making sure you build in time for yourself and your friends. I would go nuts if I stayed home 24/7.

BrideBuddies

Tougher?  Not necessarily.  Just different than if you were a younger mom.  But every person's experience is different.  At 44, I do find it's probably harder to keep up with a 2 year old than if I was 24.

In my 20s and 30s, I worked weird hours and moved to different states every couple of years.  It was all about the career.  I'd never have been able to do the things I did if I'd had kids, or a husband for that matter.

Finally, in my late 30s and now 40s, I can better appreciate family life and what having a family really means.  I got all that ME ME ME stuff out of my system.   You just need to push yourself to make friends outside the house so you get some adult conversation and activity.

Echowysp

I don't think so.  I say that because a lot of my "mommy friends" are a lot younger than me.... late 20s and early 30s (hey, when did that become so much younger than me??)... and they complain about the same things I do.  So, I think it's just part of being at home with young kids. 

I decided to go back to work very part time (2 mornings a week) to combat some of the blahs of being home all day.  It helped a lot.  I also really rely on my playgroup.  I don't know what I'd do without them.  At any given day, we post on our FB page that we are going to the park, library or whatever and if anyone wants to join us.  It's really crucial if you are home to make friends with kids the same age.

stever

I think it's tough at any age, but I actually think it's easier at this age because I don't feel like I'm missing out on as much as I would have if I stayed at home in my twenties.

stever

Oh, and to clarify, I never had a "career," just jobs. That might color my opinion.

leffe1

I don't think it's tougher being older. I feel trapped at times but remind myself that there is nothing I would rather do then stay at home. I probably will go back to work part time when dd is in school. I don't look at this time as lasting forever so I try to enjoy as much of it as I can. There are days when I am lonely and wish I was around adults but I am sure there are working moms that wish they could be with their children. It's a catch 22.

UsedToBeGoldie

I do think it's harder b/c most of us are more established in a career - and used to more adult interaction - so yeah, it's harder to switch after that many years to being with kids all day - for sure.

i'm part time and for me it's perfect b/c i get more time with my kids- but still have my career.  I have thought about leaving work- but I worry too much about how i'd feel not having my career - after working for 15+ years... it's just hard to imagine leaving that totally.

NewMrs07

Absolutely. When women have kids in their 20s, they haven't worked that many years and their careers are still in the entry level stage, so it's much easier to put your career on hiatus for a few years (or leave it entirely) while you take care of children. When you've been working most of your adult life and then have kids, it's much harder to make the transition. I speak from experience. I'm 41 and have worked in my current field since 1992. I was only out of work 2 times, due to corporate layoffs. When Adrian was born, I had to go back to work after my maternity leave, but working full-time with an infant was not for me. So I quit to SAHM for a while. Then, after 8 months of that, I discovered that wasn't for me either. So now I work part-time in my field and I LOVE IT ::knocks on wood::

For a while before I found my PT job I was getting depressed and frustrated with my life and my baby. For me personally, neither SAHM or working full-time make me happy. I need balance and working PT is absolutely perfect for me. I get to nurture my career while still having time for my little boy, whom I don't want to put in day care 5 days a week. I know not everyone has the luxury of staying home OR being able to work only a few hours a week, so I'm really grateful for that and hope it continues.

If you're not happy SAHM, it's perfectly OK to find some kind of PT work you enjoy. If you can't do it outside the house, maybe there's something you can do from home? Online? Also, you can look into online classes. There's something about learning new things that make you feel very empowered and happy.

I know moms of all ages who are perfectly happy either SAHM or working 60 hrs a week, but I'm not one of them. You have to find what works for you and your family. But remember, you'll be a much better mom if you nurture your own needs too. A happy mom = happy kids + happy husband

NewMrs07

Also, I agree with pp about play groups. On the days that I'm off and before I started the job, I found some local mom groups and went to a lot of play dates, library story times, Gymboree, etc. Getting out of the house is key, and meeting new people that you can relate to really works wonders for your mood.

KL777

I think it makes the adjustment bigger.  I was a SAHM for three years after working professionally for 10 years.  After some time, the adjustment gap did grow closer together.

macchiatto

I'm new to this particular board; hope you don't mind if I jump in. I'm a 35 y/o SAHM to 2 y/o twin boys. I think in a way it does ... but in a way I feel better prepared than if I'd done this earlier. I'm glad I had the chance first to get some professional experience, a master's degree, etc., before taking a few years off to be home with the kids. I think going back to work is going to be tough though.

I will say I think in terms of energy level, this would have been much easier for me 10 years ago! As would losing the pregnancy weight. 

MDBeachbride

How long have you been home?  I guess maybe it's just time adjusting.  I worked for the same amount of time and got laid off in May. I've been a SAHM unexpectedly so i am enjoying my time, but hope to be working soon. My son is 4 and just started all day preschool.  So I'm able to get some things done by myself. 

 Remember, being a SAHM isn't for everyone.  Don't stress yourself if you'd be better at work than staying home.