Not sure what to do...

thesuttons53787

I'll try to keep this short. DH & I just spent 3.5 years in the Army, and he was discharged in March. While having to live with my mom, he's tried to find employment as a civilian contractor working with the Army doing the same job as before, and finally one came through. At first we were told that DH would have a 5 year contract working stateside, and now he's being told that he'll be deploying in Nov. I could have this baby at the end of Nov., and since we had such a disastrous & scary birth with our first son, DH's presence was going to be of great value, obviously. Now, I'm not so sure how to deal. We won't have the funds for us to move into our own place before he deploys, so I have to live with one of our moms when the baby gets here, and most likely for the four months while DH is deployed (luckily it's only 4 mo. on, 2 mo. off). The problem here is that my mom is unfortunately a drunk and I know that I would get no help at all from her. She's hardly ever home to begin with. I really love my MIL, but her & her fiance have their own lives, and work 9-5. Aside from our moms, that's all the support I have in my own hometown. I think the best option is to move in with my MIL, especially b/c she has the space we need, but nonetheless I can't help but feel that I'm going to be completely alone with a newborn & 2 year old.

hunt2005

I would say to move in with MIL. I wouldn't live with someone with an alcohol problem with my children around. No matter who it was.

As hard as it will be at first, you'll adjust and it'll help you to be ready to move out on your own when he comes home and then be settled on your own for the next time he has to go. You'll have the support and the back up if you really need a night out they can help with that, but I think you'll find yourself stronger and more able to do it than it feels at the time. Good luck!!

Cebs222

It sounds like the better choice is the MIL.  I agree with what above said.  You don't want her in a bad state of mind anytime she is around your child without your presence and that will be more and more likely if you live there.  And sometimes living with someone who has their own schedule and is gone 9-5 can be relaxing. You'll have more of a steady schedule, parents can be overwelming and knowing that they HAVE to go to work will give you time to get your mind back together.  good luck!

Smudges*Mom

Sounds like you are in a tough situation. I understand wanting your DH there for the delivery after experiencing a difficult prior delivery. But, as you well know, love doesn't pay the bills. I am sorry that he may not be with you.

As the others have said, it sounds like your MIL is the safer and more reliable option. And, knowing that she and her fianc? will be at work during the day may be difficult at first, having a bit of time without them there may be nice.

My other suggestion is to start building your support network now. With a husband working overseas, a toddler and another one one the way, you are going to need help. If you are the least bit religious or have a faith, I'd start attending services. I'd join a mommy group to meet moms with kids your toddlers age. Get involved, as best you can.

It sounds like it might be difficult, but the time you put in now making friends, being there for others, will come back to you, ideally. I am glad to hear that your DH will be on a schedule that is not 12 months straight. Good luck and take care.