3rd Trimester

MIL - Not a Vent, but WWYD? (long)

So MIL desperately wants to be our full time Nanny.  For a variety of reasons, not at all related to her ability, but more for our convenience and our own happiness, we have decided to go with FT daycare.  We finally told her about it and although she seemed OK, I know she is upset at our choice.

SIL (her daughter) is also pg and due in Jan.  She will be watching SIL's baby two days a week. 

Her only other grandchildren live in another state - a plane ride away, so she only gets to see them a few times per year.  So our baby is the first grandkid in the area.  She feels very left out of their lives, and is a little overbearing about wanting to be involved in DCs life. 

We get along great and really want her to be a big part of everything.  However, she is constantly asking us what she can do to help.  This is wonderful of course and I can't complain about it.  However, since the baby isn't here yet, I really don't need any help yet.  Since it's our first, I don;t know how it is all going to shake out with what we'll need and what we won't. 

She sent me an email today asking again what she can specifically do.  mentioned meals, laundry, babysitting, etc.  Says that she wants to help but not be a nuisance.  She says she wants me to let her know my wishes.  And communication is the best policy,  She says she can be available to do this that and the other thing, but please ask in advance so she can schedule accordingly.

How would you respond?

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Re: MIL - Not a Vent, but WWYD? (long)

  • I would thank her profusely for her offer and tell her that you will definitely let her know how she can help.  Really stress how much you appreciate her offer and you can't wait for her to meet hr grandchild.
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  • this is tough and i am sort of in the same situation. We live 5 miles for inlaws, and first grandbaby is four hours away.

     i would tell her  you appreciate her willingness to help, but its hard to say what you will need help with until baby is here. You want her to be involved since she is missing out on the other grandbabies, but you guys need space too. just tell her you will talk to your husband and then i would let him deal with it. its his mom.

    good luck.

     

  • Let her know that you aren't really sure what specific help that you will need, and that you will let her know as soon as you do. Thank her for her offer, My MIL is the same way. I'm just not sure what I'll need from people. My MIL is crazy though, ?I don't know how much time I can tolerate her even if her help is needed!
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  • I would give her something to do. Do you hate cooking or laundrey? If you dislike either of these then maybe ask her to bring dinner twice a week and do laundrey too. It gives her something to do and will give you more time to bond with the baby. If you don't need that kind of help once the baby is here you can tell her so but this way she doesn't feel left out and you get some help.
  • As pp said, I would really let her know you appreciate the kindness and generousity.  But tell her at this point, there really isn't anything she can do.  Let her know that you'll have a better idea once DC gets here on what she can do to help. 
  • Seriously let her help in some way. She sounds like my dad, it can be annoying, but they're "helpers." Ask her to make some freezer meals for you, I'm sure she'd love the chance to help. And you will probably not feel like cooking after baby is here, you'll both benefit in that.
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  • I would thank her for being so accomodating and let her know that you are comfprtable reaching out to her as things arise.? Since this is your first, you cant possibly know what to expect and that you understand if she is not able to accomodate you if you dont know in advance what your needs are.
  • Can you send her to my house? I can give her lots of stuff to do and get her off your hands!

    I think it's wonderful that she wants to be so involved. Is she being a bit overbearing? YES, but not in a really bad way. She just feels like this is her opportunity to really bond with a grandchild because they will be close by.

    My advice: give her some stuff to do. Tell her to make a casserole and you can freeze it. Tell her to come and fold laundry for the baby, etc. Just little things so she feels like she's involved.

    I'm truly jealous of your situation. I'm PG with #3 and NO ONE in my family does anything to help us. My mom keeps her distance and is of no help, and my MIL basically ignores us.

    It will all work out for you. Just set some rules that you and DH are happy with and I'm sure that once the baby is here, she'll settle into her own routine.

    GL!?

    image Mommy to Barbara 11/8/05, Elisabeth 5/13/07, Loukas 12/23/08 and Lazarus 09/25/12
  • Be thankful that your MIL even likes you.

     

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  • Thank her & tell her that until the baby comes you're really not quite sure with what you'll need.  Tell her meals will always be appreciated & that once the baby is born & you're still at home you'd love for her to come over every now & again so you can get shower breaks/mommy time.  Tell her you & your DH would love someone to watch the baby for date nights on the weekends once things have calmed down.  Find specific things for her to do.
  • Good advice.  Thanks ladies!
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  • Can you come up with a list of things she can do around your house with where things are and how you like them done?  That way after baby arrives she can come over and do some cleaning or laundry and not bother you about the details.

    You could also ask her for some frozen meals - or maybe a cooked casserole every other day for a little while after the baby arrives?  That way you don't have to worry about food.

  • OMG, I wish I had your MIL! Mine is the exact opposite.  I would find something for her to help out with. She sounds like a very loving, kind hearted person.
  • She sounds so sweet and like she badly wants to help, I would just give her stuff to do, honestly. You should feel lucky to have her.

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