So MIL desperately wants to be our full time Nanny. For a variety of reasons, not at all related to her ability, but more for our convenience and our own happiness, we have decided to go with FT daycare. We finally told her about it and although she seemed OK, I know she is upset at our choice.
SIL (her daughter) is also pg and due in Jan. She will be watching SIL's baby two days a week.
Her only other grandchildren live in another state - a plane ride away, so she only gets to see them a few times per year. So our baby is the first grandkid in the area. She feels very left out of their lives, and is a little overbearing about wanting to be involved in DCs life.
We get along great and really want her to be a big part of everything. However, she is constantly asking us what she can do to help. This is wonderful of course and I can't complain about it. However, since the baby isn't here yet, I really don't need any help yet. Since it's our first, I don;t know how it is all going to shake out with what we'll need and what we won't.
She sent me an email today asking again what she can specifically do. mentioned meals, laundry, babysitting, etc. Says that she wants to help but not be a nuisance. She says she wants me to let her know my wishes. And communication is the best policy, She says she can be available to do this that and the other thing, but please ask in advance so she can schedule accordingly.
How would you respond?
Re: MIL - Not a Vent, but WWYD? (long)
this is tough and i am sort of in the same situation. We live 5 miles for inlaws, and first grandbaby is four hours away.
i would tell her you appreciate her willingness to help, but its hard to say what you will need help with until baby is here. You want her to be involved since she is missing out on the other grandbabies, but you guys need space too. just tell her you will talk to your husband and then i would let him deal with it. its his mom.
good luck.
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Can you send her to my house? I can give her lots of stuff to do and get her off your hands!
I think it's wonderful that she wants to be so involved. Is she being a bit overbearing? YES, but not in a really bad way. She just feels like this is her opportunity to really bond with a grandchild because they will be close by.
My advice: give her some stuff to do. Tell her to make a casserole and you can freeze it. Tell her to come and fold laundry for the baby, etc. Just little things so she feels like she's involved.
I'm truly jealous of your situation. I'm PG with #3 and NO ONE in my family does anything to help us. My mom keeps her distance and is of no help, and my MIL basically ignores us.
It will all work out for you. Just set some rules that you and DH are happy with and I'm sure that once the baby is here, she'll settle into her own routine.
GL!?
Be thankful that your MIL even likes you.
Can you come up with a list of things she can do around your house with where things are and how you like them done? That way after baby arrives she can come over and do some cleaning or laundry and not bother you about the details.
You could also ask her for some frozen meals - or maybe a cooked casserole every other day for a little while after the baby arrives? That way you don't have to worry about food.
She sounds so sweet and like she badly wants to help, I would just give her stuff to do, honestly. You should feel lucky to have her.